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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

745 replies

ThunderandPharoah · 23/06/2019 07:59

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 16:38

Can't afford to send them to uni, don't have kids! I've heard it all now, along with family of 4 in 1-bed flat because saving to pay for them to go to uni is more important than living space

Try reading the thread.Hmm Low earners don't have to say to pay for their children to go to university as they will get full maintenance loans. Higher earners absolutely should though unless they earn so much that they can pay it at the time.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 16:38

say save

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 16:40

@No we couldn't afford £10K per year maybe £15K if children 1 & 3 do overlap. Not without downsizing to a house that would mean our DC wouldn't have a home to come to during the holidays, not without compromising our retirement and not without going into their savings that we are making for them. None of which I would really consider doing.

Not over something which at present isn't a necessity. Unless they could come to me with a plan that they wish to be a solicitor, Dr, engineer etc which demanded a degree and specific post grad qualifications.

We would be able to help. But I would make that contingent on their behaviour and plans.

RomanyQueen · 23/06/2019 16:43

I think they should stand on their own two feet. Maybe that's how the parents made their money.

My kids were/are on their own post 18, we have no money to fund our adult offspring.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 16:51

Also I would say getting on the property ladder is a hell of lot more important than wasting money on a degree that may never get used.

So you think degrees are a waste of money?

we couldn't afford £10K per year maybe £15K if children 1 & 3 do overlap. Not without downsizing to a house that would mean our DC wouldn't have a home to come to during the holidays, not without compromising our retirement and not without going into their savings that we are making for them. None of which I would really consider doing.

So you are saving money for your children but won't give it to them for their education. How ridiculous.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 16:55

I think a majority of people wasted a shit tonne of money on pointless degrees that they've never used in the real world.

I would prioritise handing them a chunk of money to get on the property ladder over pissing away money on a degree and to get drunk.

Dandelion1993 · 23/06/2019 16:57

I'm sorry but no. Parents of any income should not be expected to contribute.

It's the first step into the adult world. Plenty of people go to uni, have a part time job and get a first or 2:1. They do perfectly fine.

It's whne they learn about managing money and managing time.

When I went to uni I had a one year old and my parents or boyfriend didn't top my loan up. I was still expected to pay my 50% of all bills and did it.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 17:00

I think a majority of people wasted a shit tonne of money on pointless degrees that they've never used in the real world.

Perhaps it depends on what university you went to and what degree you got but none of my friends from university would say that their degrees were wasted and they all bought houses without help from their parents.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/06/2019 17:01

I’ll ignore your simply ridiculous suggestion that a family of 4 live in a 1 bed.grin
It’s not ridiculous if that’s all you can afford. And if you aren’t supporting your tennage children and essentially stealing of them then no, you can afford a bigger home.
Cut your cloth accordingly if it means two dc in a bedroom and parents in sofa bed then that’s the way it has to be.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 17:02

Your friends of what age?
Don't know if you've seen the news recently but I don't like the way the housing crisis is going.
How many posters are stuck in rental traps that have screwed the rest of their finical lives.
If I can stop my children having to suffer that then I will.

Degrees are not a necessity and if they feel like they are they can get jobs, plan smart and ensure that they are working their arses off to achieve the degree they want.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 17:03

I would prioritise handing them a chunk of money to get on the property ladder over pissing away money on a degree and to get drunk.

It is a bit sad that you have such low expectations of your own children that you think they will choose a useless degree and spend their time getting drunk rather than working. A fairly high proportion of todays 18 to 25 year olds don't even drink.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/06/2019 17:03

And here we have it! Marvel for full house. If you can't afford to pay to send your kids to uni, you shouldn't have had them! There you go.
I did not say that.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 17:05

I work in bars, pubs and nightclubs. Don't try to tell em about 18-25 year olds and their drinking habits.

I don't have low expectations. Quite the opposite. I believe that my children will work hard before and during Uni to ensure that they find themselves.

Onelankwen · 23/06/2019 17:06

I'm really shocked by the attitudes of some parents here. If you decide to have a child, it seems obvious to me you also have to save for the cost of their education! In my country, parents are obliged to fund their children's education up till they are 25, as long as they are in full-time education. If the parents can afford it but don't want to pay, the government gets the money at the source: they take it off the parents wages before they get paid.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/06/2019 17:06

The maintenance loan has to be paid back (it is never written off)
It is , after thirty years.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/06/2019 17:08

I do think a lot waste their uni education. They either don’t need the degree for the job they end up in or don’t work for years after,

The loan payments should be repayable as soon as the course ends or the person drops out. So many never pay the loans back or earn under the threshold to avoid repayments and that money could be far better spent elsewhere than funding a personal choice.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 17:08

Don't know if you've seen the news recently but I don't like the way the housing crisis is going.
How many posters are stuck in rental traps that have screwed the rest of their finical lives.

And do you not think that the less qualified and educated will be more likely to be "stuck in rental traps"? Outside of London and some of the Southeast, professionals on good incomes can afford to buy houses.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/06/2019 17:10

I work in bars, pubs and nightclubs. Don't try to tell em about 18-25 year olds and their drinking habits.

I thought you had a good job.

CherryPavlova · 23/06/2019 17:12

I would suggest a decent degree is likely to result in higher lifetime income and a better investment that handing over a deposit. I think research ight support that view.
There is value in having an educated society; education for it’s own sake is not wasted, far from it.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 17:14

@Dungeondragon15

I thought you had a good job

  1. You clearly go to show that no amount of education can stop someone being a 1st class twat.
  1. When a company own over 700 venues they usually need a head office that employs several thousand people in different divisions, sections, regions and skills. With good pay, good holiday and sweet quarter bonuses.
bluebluezoo · 23/06/2019 17:31

I would suggest a decent degree is likely to result in higher lifetime income and a better investment that handing over a deposit. I think research ight support that view

If you’re female? How many graduates become sahm? Also certain cultures where you get married and don’t work.

I’d actually like to see stats on male vs female grad income if anyone has it?

I’ve told my kids uni is only worth it if a) you have such a love of the subject you want to spend your life in academia studying it, or it’s necessary for your chosen career- law, medicine, dentistry, or graduate entry. If you have no career plan or are going for the sake of it, don’t bother.

zsazsajuju · 23/06/2019 17:34

@Contraceptionismyfriend - your refusal to support your kids is pretty sad. Why are you so outraged at being expected to support the children you chose to have? Instead you expect your children to work so you don’t have spend money on them? That’s awful.

As I said I would like to see parents maintenance obligations to their children enforced. It’s awful that students are put in the situation where they are getting less to live on because of their parents income but their parents are shirking their obligations.

pazwaz70 · 23/06/2019 17:38

Daughter has just finished her first year at university. Her maintenance loan didn't even cover her student accommodation as we earn too much so she has and will only receive the lowest amount.
of loan.We,as her parents have had to pay an extra £600 per term to cover her rent.
The thing is I only work in the NHS & hubby works for Network rail so not on mega bucks. But we still have mortgage,bills etc to pay.m
I really don't understand why it's means tested. DD is old enough to vote,get married,join the Army,be classed as an adult. But when it comes to University the government don't see her as an adult.
I think all students should receive the full amount, it's shocking.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/06/2019 17:40

@zsazsajuju I have repeatedly said I will give them money. I will not give the expected amount. That's ridiculous. I would also expect my children to work and plan their own finances.

pazwaz70 · 23/06/2019 17:46

I've just read my post. Loads of mistakes,maybe I should have proof read it😫