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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want in laws at xmas when due 28.12?

115 replies

LovesHisMummyReally · 23/06/2019 07:46

By in-laws I mean 4 younger siblings aged between late teens and mid-30s. They are all scattered in different places in 1 bed flats and we are the only ones who can accommodate everyone so they won't get together otherwise. But really, it's fair to just want your own space when you are about to drop, right? I spent 20 hours of labour walking around the house in my underwear doing various poses to deal with contractions last time, for example. Thanks

OP posts:
MaybeitsMaybelline · 23/06/2019 07:47

They have six months to save up for a Christmas meal out. Yanbu.

7yo7yo · 23/06/2019 07:47

Definitely not!
Whose trying to organise that??
Put the stop on it straight away and make it clear that when you are up to visitors you will let them know and they can’t come en masse or stay for ages! How ridiculous.

fedup21 · 23/06/2019 07:49

Are they actually telling you to host? What does your DH say?

I wouldn’t mention it and then would laugh if someone does as it clearly just isn’t happening.

Your house isn’t the only place in the world that can meet. Tell them to book a restaurant.

MyOpinionIsValid · 23/06/2019 07:49

Where are the parents in this scenario if all 4 siblings from late teens onwards are all in scattered one bed flats. Sounds like an awfully fragmented family. I suppose they will self sort and other people will take them in for the spirit of Christmas. I'd hate to think of anyone alone though

DoneLikeAKipper · 23/06/2019 07:50

I hosted ONE in law at Xmas when heavily pregnant and I really regretted it. Waters went early, they didn’t even hang around to wash a pot up Hmm. If I’m ever pregnant around that time again there will categorically be no ‘hosting’ from us. Don’t do it, warn them now so they have more than enough time to sort themselves out.

MustardScreams · 23/06/2019 07:52

Hell no!! 3 days before you’re due, they’re having a laugh right? Your DH needs to tell them to book an Airbnb or a restaurant.

LovesHisMummyReally · 23/06/2019 07:58

It's not just chrimbo dinner but would be staying probably 22nd to 26th/27th. They are in France and we are in London. Right, @MyOpinionIsValid, they are fragmented and parents not around....

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 23/06/2019 08:03

Nope, not unreasonable. Tell them to club together and stay in a holiday cottage or apartment.

IggyAce · 23/06/2019 08:09

Just send a group message that this year for obvious reasons you will not be hosting Christmas.
Since they are all in France they can arrange themselves to hire a cottage if they want to get together for Christmas.

HavelockVetinari · 23/06/2019 08:11

Yeah, they can find an Air B'n'B if they're desperate to be together. Obviously you can't host!

SoyDora · 23/06/2019 08:16

I was due 27/12 last year. We hosted my mum and that’s it (and she didn’t stay overnight). I was far too fat, knackered and grumpy to host anyone else.
Baby (DC3) didn’t make an appearance until 9/1 though!

Babdoc · 23/06/2019 08:17

The obvious answer is for them to have Christmas in France together. At a restaurant if they live near each other, at a hotel or cottage if not.
I had my PILs to stay for Christmas when I was due on Christmas Eve. MIL was a great help and did all the cooking etc, and was supportive of DH while I was in hospital and DD in intensive care. But that’s different to a pile of siblings!

SpanglyPop · 23/06/2019 08:18

AirBNB

sorted

Tell your husband to sort it or you'll move out over that time. It's not happening. Be firm.

PhillipeFellope · 23/06/2019 08:19

Yanbu, at all, in the slightest. If they are adults who can organsise flats and life etc, they can organise an Airbnb, stay together etc, go out for Christmas meal if they don't want to cook. No reason to say they can't do it nearby you, so you could go along to, if you're feel up to it, but definitely no hosting!

Pheasantplucker2 · 23/06/2019 08:20

I think I'd pre-empt this now and send a nice WhatsApp to the group saying I know it's early to think about this, but just wanted to make you aware that as I'm due around Christmas we won't be able to host this year. Obviously, as babies are unpredictable I don't know when no.2 will arrive, but happy to suggest air BnB s in the area for you to book if you would like to come over still. We'd obviously love to see you but will have to play it by ear as to meeting up, and I won't be doing a big Christmas lunch!!! Hopefully if they're nice people they will suggest that they cook for everyone at their rented accommodation and you can pop in and out as it suits. Or send OH with your kids and have an afternoon off....

TheVanguardSix · 23/06/2019 08:22

Oh Lord no. Put the brakes on this insane idea now.

bellabasset · 23/06/2019 08:24

Not unreasonable at all. Tell them this year they'll need to organise themselves ad you'll be resting. What's to stop them organising an air bnb and inviting you for dinner?

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/06/2019 08:26

Are you worrying it will be expected or has it been suggested? Either way, it's definitely not something you can do. Let everyone know now and don't discuss it, if you open a conversation it sounds like you are willing to compromise in the right conditions.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 23/06/2019 08:27

They have six months to save up for a Christmas meal out. Yanbu.

This even if in France they spend it in France together and you go rent a big villa in France and see them in the summer they can have their get together then if you feel generous.

If your DH is doing anything than support a Christmas alone he is an idiot and/or asshole.

ukgift2016 · 23/06/2019 08:28

Why can't they spend it in France together and invite you and your partner over? OR they can pay for a hotel.

BlueSkiesLies · 23/06/2019 08:28

No way.

They have 6 months to book and pay for a holiday rental if they all want to get together.

Ihatehashtags · 23/06/2019 08:29

What pheasantplucker2 said. A nice message giving them plenty of time to find alternative plans for Christmas and decide amongst them who can host. Maybe book a lunch out? Easy, no clean up and you can leave when you’ve had enough.

theorchidwhisperer · 23/06/2019 08:32

Either do not host at all or if you do consider hosting, email each one to set it out clearly how things will be this year.

That they have to accommodate your needs as things could change drastically day to day.

They each need to arrange food for a day and take turns to cook meals and organise the clearing and cleaning of the kitchen.

They need to pitch in and take turns to clean bathrooms and doing some general housework as you won't be able to.

They need to be hosting themselves in your house but also looking after you.

They need to do a clean up and strip and wash & dry beds on the day they leave as with a new baby you can't be doing this.

I think if you make it clear exactly what you expect and what you are prepared to offer they can accept or find elsewhere.

If they do come, I'd be prepping my husband as to gently be reminding people to do xyz, if he's not happy to do this I wouldn't have them to stay.

In my experience, some family are amazing and I'd have them stay anytime, other expect to be looked after and never lift a finger. It quite depends on the type that would come.

Tallgreenbottle · 23/06/2019 08:34

"It's not happening" or if you want we can book a meal out and they can all share an air b&b.

Bobojangles · 23/06/2019 08:35

Madness! My 2nd was due on the 28th,he arrived mid-December and we where in and out of hospital until the start of Jan, due to jandice etc no way would I have hosted! You have no idea what will happen