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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report parents for not registering the birth of a child

643 replies

Anon6356237 · 23/06/2019 07:14

Should I stay out of it or report? I'm concerned the child could fly under the radar if there are any concerns if they are not 'in the system'. Who would I report to?

OP posts:
Popeyetoday · 23/06/2019 12:09

Didnt register my child till they needed to go to school and i needed a birth certificate!
Think ive been a lovely mummy

darkriver19886 · 23/06/2019 12:13

@popeyetoday why wait until then? What if God forbid your child needed medical treatment?

I think I read somewhere that a significant amount of children are unregistered in the UK. Living under the radar from at authorities.

SerendipityJane · 23/06/2019 12:14

Parents have the right to live off the grid with their children

Be that as it may, a childs birth must be registered in law. It's one of the few laws of universal compulsion the UK has.

Incidentally "off grid" is not the same as "outside of the law", just in case there's any confusion in some peoples minds.

Cryalot2 · 23/06/2019 12:14

I would report it. They sound strange and I would be concerned about the lack of medical care for a start.

TheMichaelScottPaperCompany · 23/06/2019 12:14

Re the NHS numbers. I sometimes do bank work in A&E.

When you come in and register, I put your info in and if you’ve been to the hospital before it pulls up all your info on the master patient index. Name, Dob, hospital number, NHS number, next of kin, address, previous attendances. Also any red flags (known to be violent to staff, drug seeker, frequent attender etc etc)

It’s not unusual to put someone’s info in and it come up blank because they don’t live in the area, have never been to the hospital before etc.

However there are mechanisms to then get that info from other systems. Anyone pitching up without an NHS number somewhere would be weird. You’d either start thinking they were lying about their names (happens all the time), not from the country (again not unusual) or lying for some other reason.

Other than the kid I mentioned earlier I’ve seen one other child we couldn’t trace. He was from a gypsy family and there was no record of him. Eventually we traced him back to the first gp surgery he had been to when he was born. There is always a record somewhere.

Also, think of a better name than Jane Smith WinkWink

ReganSomerset · 23/06/2019 12:15

Think I've been a lovely mummy

I'm not saying this is true of you, but ime most abusive or neglectful parents also think this. Very few set out to be abusive or neglectful, they just lack understanding.

RosemaryRemember · 23/06/2019 12:16

It's the "opt in if you fancy it" society it seems.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/06/2019 12:21

Mitzik
Thanks for sharing. How tragic for your mother and her brother.

I’m glad you’ve decided to report the parents. It doesn’t matter I’d they are misguided or have non mainstream views / way of life. It doesn’t matter if their decision for registering their child isn’t sinister. Children need protecting and the state provides that function.

imsuchagrump · 23/06/2019 12:24

Didnt register my child till they needed to go to school and i needed a birth certificate!
Think ive been a lovely mummy

That you may be may dear but you also broke the law in the same way not registering a death is illegal.
Not sure what you think gave you the right to do as you please when the majority of people will register the birth within a few weeks .

Backwoodsgirl · 23/06/2019 12:24

I agree kids need protection, I just don’t see it as the governments role.

My vows may be skewed as the government has never done anything for me or my family.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 23/06/2019 12:26

This child was "off grid" and died of scurvy
www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jan/22/concerns-raised-about-boy-who-died-of-scurvy-a-year-before-his-death-leaked-report

I would definitely report.

MitziK · 23/06/2019 12:30

@AuntieAssumpta, I think her attitude was 'it's nothing to do with anybody else' - they were illegitimate, though, and whilst she inherited a sizeable amount from an aunt, she didn't receive anything from her parents, who were worth pots of money, a few years later, so I do wonder whether there was some of that involved. It also meant that they weren't evacuated (she refused to leave and knew that she'd be expected to do it with small children), with the result that before he was born, my mother was trapped in a bombed out townhouse overnight because nobody knew she was there.

The boy died at around three months old, black and blue all over the torso - I can't imagine the pain he suffered in his little life.

I wouldn't be too sympathetic to my mother, though - she tried to do the same with me to keep Social Services off the scent (one of my older brothers was on the At Risk register due to her behaviour), My father found out and immediately registered me, lying about being married to her to do so. She dumped him, changed my name and avoided all officials until I reached 5 and somebody realised there was another child in the house when checking on my brother.

Secrecy about registering a child can be for 'harmless' reasons and malevolent ones - but the outcome can be at best inconvenient and at worst horrific, whatever the reasoning.

So the people in the OP can get stuffed with their ownership bollocks. The kid needs to exist legally. For its own protection - and social services is more appropriate than the registrar, as that means any previous issues with the parents can be looked at first without them knowing a potential investigation is on the way.

BarryBarryTaylor · 23/06/2019 12:31

Why did it take you so long to register your child popeye I’m really interested in your thinking behind that decision

DuMondeB · 23/06/2019 12:31

My dad was never registered. He found out when he wanted a passport.

This was some years ago so It was quietly dealt with without too many questions.

His family were neglectful and abusive, so yes, I would definitely see this as a red flag, as does the law.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/06/2019 12:31

Back woods
Have you ever used a road, spent money?

ludothedog · 23/06/2019 12:32

For those saying report to SS, why? The op has said that she has no concerns regarding the child. Unschooling is a thing - there is no obligation for a family to send a child to school. This is different from home educating. Might be an indication of more going on but not illegal and in the absence of evidence of abuse there won't be much AS can do.

Not registering your child however is an issue. Not quite sure who would deal with that but presumably a good place to start would be registry office.

God knows how many kids are out there that are not known to authorities, even registered ones. There is no connection between registry, NHS and Education. If a child has never been to school or nursery, education have no idea that they are out there!

drspouse · 23/06/2019 12:33

Since @Backwoodsgirl is using the internet I think we can all draw our own conclusions.

ReganSomerset · 23/06/2019 12:35

ludo because there may be something going on and the usual systems that check on a child's welfare aren't being accessed? Because if there isn't a problem but they get looked at nothing bad will come of it but if there is a problem and they aren't looked at the result could be awful? Because the parents are clearly conspiracy theorists and may have unaddressed mental health needs?

lyralalala · 23/06/2019 12:35

Proving your identity is becoming increasingly important. Bank accounts, buying a house, renting a house, getting a job, claiming benefits all need identity documents even before you get to medical treatment, education and a passport. To make that more difficult for your own child is utterly selfish imo.

To many parents forget that they don’t have parental rights they have parental responsibilities

ADropofReality · 23/06/2019 12:35

The point it is that the birth certificate says it (ie the actual form itself) is the property of the government and the dimwits have taken this to mean the government owns the person.

Further than that, the dimwits also believe that law is a contract and therefore it only applies to you if you agree to it, and therefore you can get out of legal obligations (tax, TV licences, the police nicking you for drink-driving) by simply refusing to consent to be bound by the law. This is dangerous stuff.

In among the talk of parental rights and 'opting out', it's been lost that these are Freemen on the Land-types. This isn't some alternative hippy-dippy but well meaning lifestyle, like bringing up a child as a vegetarian. These are people peddling subversive bollocks who need stamping on.

At the risk of being accused of hyperbole, this is equivalent to a child being raised by two active members of the IRA who refuse to get a birth certificate because it's "an instrument of the British state". In both cases they are breaking the law to further their own criminality. Report it straight away, OP.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 23/06/2019 12:36

Ironically, they'll have much more aggro now from "the State" by not having registered then they ever would have if they'd just filled in the form in the first place.

SerendipityJane · 23/06/2019 12:37

For those saying report to SS, why? The op has said that she has no concerns regarding the child.

A state of affairs that may have changed even as this thread has unfolded, and certainly something I would not be happy to take on trust if there is a childs safety at stake.

Anyone who knew me in real life would be amused that usually I am the first to ridicule the "think of the children" justification for all sorts of intrusive laws. But in this case, they are well justified.

I find it interesting that something that should be as simple as obeying the law and registering a birth appears to have become a contentious subject.

DGRossetti · 23/06/2019 12:38

Further than that, the dimwits also believe that law is a contract and therefore it only applies to you if you agree to it, and therefore you can get out of legal obligations (tax, TV licences, the police nicking you for drink-driving) by simply refusing to consent to be bound by the law. This is dangerous stuff.

And should be challenged, not indulged.

MitziK · 23/06/2019 12:38

Oh, I've just remembered - my first DBS Enhanced took 9 months to come through the first time, despite having a passport/all bills. I bet having a different name for a short period caused that. Just as well my boss argued 'well, she's not being left to supervise children on her own, is she?' so I was still able to start work instead of being unemployed for the last six years.

I keep my certificates permanently updated now, as if I let them expire, I half expect to have the same problem again.

DistanceCall · 23/06/2019 12:43

I agree kids need protection, I just don’t see it as the governments role.

Yes, well, when you are unlucky enough to be born in a shit family, the State (not the government, they are different things) is what is in place to help those who can't help themselves.

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