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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report parents for not registering the birth of a child

643 replies

Anon6356237 · 23/06/2019 07:14

Should I stay out of it or report? I'm concerned the child could fly under the radar if there are any concerns if they are not 'in the system'. Who would I report to?

OP posts:
Curious2468 · 23/06/2019 11:07

It is totally possible there is no record of them, it’s not the first time I’ve come across this :(

MitziK · 23/06/2019 11:10

My mother and her younger brother were not registered until they had been discovered (when her brother died). My grandmother was what we'd probably call a Bohemian/Trustafarian, particularly as she'd run off with the stable hand.

She was refused a passport on the grounds that the numbering on her birth certificate doesn't match her age (they changed format in the intervening period). Never had one, missed out on a chance to emigrate, can't provide proof of ID, etc. She was challenged repeatedly by the NHS from the 1950s onwards when needing treatment because the numbers/details didn't match.

It didn't help that she is naturally olive skinned and at the time, had long, thick, black hair. Her one advantage in this time is that whilst she is still olive skinned, her hair is now white, so nobody asks anymore - had she been a couple of shades darker, the 'hostile environment' would have caused her a whole load of bother. She never goes to hospital in the summer even now she's in her 80s because a suntan makes her look foreign enough to be asked for proof of NHS entitlement.

It took months for my passport to be approved as an adult and I repeatedly failed job security checks prior to that point, as I suspect her details caused problems on each application.

Whilst this has been inconvenient for me - and I am just glad I applied and got the passport sorted out prior to the outgoing PM being in charge of the Home Office - I mainly wonder whether her brother could have been treated/not died had his existence been known at the time and hadn't been kept secret. He had a diaphragmatic hernia and, until the PM results came through, her parents were suspected of murder.

Anything could happen to a child kept off the radar - abuse, serious illness, injury, trafficking, murder - and even detention in an immigration facility/refusal of medical treatment later in life.

VladmirsPoutine · 23/06/2019 11:16

Keeping kids of the radar is nefarious as fuck. There is not one solitary decent, not even good, but decent reason to keep a child 'off the record.' That's a child, not a bloody secret packet of cigarettes from Ukraine.

ReganSomerset · 23/06/2019 11:16

I agree that they are probably not abusers but if still report it because you're not trained to make the call. Leave it to professionals.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 23/06/2019 11:22

Mitzik - that's a very interesting account of how it can lead to huge problems.

My first thought when reading this post was why would you not want your child to have an NHS number or NI number (at 16), but it clearly can affect so many other things as well in the longer term.

Bluerussian · 23/06/2019 11:23

If the child seems happy and well cared for and there are no signs of anything bad, mind your own business.

nevernotstruggling · 23/06/2019 11:24

@MitziK this is a good point. If you need a dbs check it's problematic if the birth certificate is dated more than a year after the date of birth. I assume this extends to other procedures

Proteinshakesandtears · 23/06/2019 11:27

If the child seems happy and well cared for and there are no signs of anything bad, mind your own business.

So you can always spor a child that has something bed going on behind closed doors?

And that's not the point. The parents are probably not physically abusing the child.

But they are preventing the child rights.

Its ridiculous to say it's not anyone else business. They are not making good decisions for the child.

AuntieAssumpta · 23/06/2019 11:27

@MitziK what a tragic, but fascinating, story. Was your grandmother trying to escape from her family, or were the children kept secret out of shame? I assume your uncle was very young when he died? Your poor mum. Sorry for all the questions, please don't feel you have to answer, it's just so unusual and complex!

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/06/2019 11:27

Bluerussian have you not read the many consequences for when the child is older or becomes ill?

AuntieAssumpta · 23/06/2019 11:29

And what I find fascinating too is that you can't just "fix" it as an adult...you can't just say "well I know I'm 24, but I was born on X date to Y parent in Z parish, can I have my birth certificate now"... It really does follow you all through your life

On that basis, OP, absolutely report

SerendipityJane · 23/06/2019 11:32

The point it is that the birth certificate says it (ie the actual form itself) is the property of the government and the dimwits have taken this to mean the government owns the person.

As I said some people are stupid. There really is no other word to use. It's hard not to suspect that some of this arises because of some aversion we appear to have developed to calling out stupid when we see it, and get all touchy-feely about respecting everyones views.

Bollocks. There really is a baseline of intelligence and if you believe in the freeman bollock you fall well below it.

DecomposingComposers · 23/06/2019 11:38

I would report it to Social Services or the NSPCC. Presumably you know the names of the parents and the child so the authorities could simply check this out themselves. If the child is registered and you've misunderstood then there's no problem is there? If the child isn't registered then you will have done the right thing by reporting. Why should the child, as an adult, have to suffer for decisions taken by its parents? Why should it be denied health care because if decisions taken by its parents?

andyoldlabour · 23/06/2019 11:40

As Mitzik has pointed out, I cannot think of one good reason why someone would not register a birth, but there would be plenty of bad reasons, and things which would have a negative impact on the child in the future.
If I was the OP and was certain this was the case, then I would feel duty bound to tell the authorities, for the sake of the child.

Isatis · 23/06/2019 11:40

OP, please don't just report it to the registry office, report it to social services as well. If you want to keep under the radar, you could do so via the NSPCC.

Breathlessness · 23/06/2019 11:43

I’m genuinely surprised by the posters saying don’t report this. Children have the right to free healthcare and education, to only be allowed to work limited hours depending on their age, to have a safe home environment. A child that doesn’t officially exist is very vulnerable.

AlaskanOilBaron · 23/06/2019 11:54

I'm a government sceptic and I'd report it.

The most generous interpretation of this is that they are well-intentioned hippies, but they'd obviously be unvaccinated and almost certainly don't have access to health care. They can't exist off the gird forever.

Jocasta2018 · 23/06/2019 11:54

I wonder if the parents had their births registered? If they have NHS & NI numbers? If they do they are bloody hypocrites.

Report them - bugger their rights, think of the child.

Backwoodsgirl · 23/06/2019 11:58

Sounds like the family wants to be off the grid, it’s their choice and I would stay out of it. I wish I could drop off the grid like that.

Anyway they could be doing this for security, what if they are trying to hide from some dangerous people. Reporting the child could put the family in danger

Haworthia · 23/06/2019 12:02

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-36746094

A homeschooled boy who lived an isolated, “off grid” life died of scurvy a few years ago.

This is what can happen to children who have no contact with any authorities. I would report without a second thought.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/06/2019 12:03

Backwoods

If they were trying to hide from dangerous people they wouldn’t be going around telling people their child was unregistered!

Isatis · 23/06/2019 12:06

Backwoods, you may have been reading too much lurid fiction.

If the parents genuinely believe themselves to be in danger, surely it would be much safer to alert the authorities? Otherwise they'll expose themselves to much greater danger as soon as their children need medical attention.

SemperIdem · 23/06/2019 12:06

I’m astonished that anyone would choose to not report. There’s some very strange people about.

AlaskanOilBaron · 23/06/2019 12:07

Parents have the right to live off the grid with their children, but they don't have the right to deprive them of medical care or education or general social interaction.

darkriver19886 · 23/06/2019 12:08

Report it. (I say this as BP)
Not registering the child is a sign the parents don't have the child's best interests at heart and likely needs are not being met elsewhere. It's also a huge glaring red flag that something nefarious going on.

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