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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:

megrichardson · 22/06/2019 07:31

I am the 3rd daughter of a woman who only wanted boys, so YABU OP

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 22/06/2019 07:32

I only ever wanted boys .
Ended up with a girl then a boy then another girl .
Love them all dearly but if I had been able to choose I would have chosen boys every time.

pitterpatterbaby · 22/06/2019 07:34

I think it's to do with childhood gender stereotyping. Dolls are rarely boys are they?

GinUnicorn · 22/06/2019 07:38

Before I got pregnant I didn’t mind but once I was I was so sure it was a girl I would have been shocked and maybe disappointed if I was wrong. Not pregnant again yet (soon hopefully) but for number 2 I don’t have a preference right now.

TheVanguardSix · 22/06/2019 07:39

What a toxic thread indeed.

Well, here's my unasked for two cents: Push out a stillborn baby like I did and you'll find you're not that fussed whether you go onto have boys or girls.
Alive and kicking with everything in the right place is good enough for me.

AguerosAngel · 22/06/2019 07:40

I wanted a boy and got a boy, I had my reasons.

PerfectPeony2 · 22/06/2019 07:44

I only ever wanted boys .
Ended up with a girl then a boy then another girl .
Love them all dearly but if I had been able to choose I would have chosen boys every time

Wow. So you’re basically saying you wish you didn’t have your daughters?

Hope this thread does get pulled soon. Can’t believe it’s still going this morning with even more comments from girl hating mothers of boys. Such a shame.

soontobefour4 · 22/06/2019 07:48

I have 2 boys and will admit I was disappointed when I found out DC2 was another boy. I even started a thread on MN about it. Then I realised a few things:

If I was disappointed about having a boy, what did that say about my feelings towards DS1, who I adore and wouldn't change for anything.

Part of my disappointment grew from other people's expectation that because I had a boy already I must want a girl this time. I was worried about dealing with the 'oh never mind, another boy' bullshit.

I am in no way closer with my own mother than I am my MIL. They both annoy me equally!

4 DH has a sister and no brothers. We live 2 minutes from his parents and are married with 2 DCs. His sister lives 3 hours away and never wants children. The idea of this mother/daughter relationship for wedding dress shopping and grandchildren is ridiculous because you have no idea what sort of person your baby will grow into and what their future holds.

for all those who have experienced loss, you are exactly why we should all be delighted with whatever we get.

stresshead84 · 22/06/2019 07:53

I wanted a boy first. I’m not a girly girl, hated dresses and all things pink growing up, and I always wanted an older brother. I was delighted DS 1 was a boy. When I was pregnant again, everyone thought I’d want a girl. I didn’t. I never had a close sibling relationship due to quite big age gaps. With only 22m between them, I was so happy that DS 2 was a boy and that they might have that close sibling bond I didn’t.

I know if I’d had a girl second, they might have been just as close but likely that they’d have drifted as they developed different interests growing up. I feel the boys will always share some common ground even thought they are completely different personalities. Right now they love the same things. Makes days out easy, but often we end up with two of the same thing. They are very competitive but love each other to bits. When we do separate them they are a bit lost, and don’t know what to do with themselves.

If I had another, part of me would like a girl, but equally, or maybe even more so, I’d be happy with another boy.

RocketPockets · 22/06/2019 07:54

I really wanted a boy first and had a boy, was very very pleased, I wouldn't have been upset with a girl but I had my heart set on a boy. I'm not currently pregnant but we do plan on having another child & I genuinely would be happy with either a girl or boy now.

nespressowoo · 22/06/2019 07:56

No. I hoped for a boy. He was. Pregnant again and I don't mind this time.

Hithere12 · 22/06/2019 07:59

I’m the opposite, I’d desperately want a boy 🤷‍♀️

ZenNudist · 22/06/2019 08:00

I didn't care first time but felt I was having a boy. I was right. Second time i wasn't sure but only had girls name picked but overjoyed to have 2 boys. Now want a third but prefer a boy really much easier to stick with what i know. Wouldnt mind a girl either.

Bwekfusth · 22/06/2019 08:03

I wanted a boy. I have more in common with boys. Now I have two boys and I worry if I were to have another it'd be a girl and I wouldn't have the same sort of bond. Really irrational and probably very daft but there you go 🤷‍♀️

TurquoiseAndPurple · 22/06/2019 08:06

I reeeeally wanted a girl. However I didn't say this to anyone and convinced myself I was having a boy (to save any disappointment because I'd feel awful) and I got really excited and used to the idea. Then when I had a scan and was told I was having a girl I was a little disappointed anyway as I'd really warmed to the idea of having a boy!

If I have another I really wouldn't care either way. But if I had had a boy the first time I'd be praying for a girl the next. Not gonna lie!

Gargamel1975 · 22/06/2019 08:11

I didn’t mind but then I discovered I was having a girl and I was over the moon then I wanted another one and I got it !!!

TwinkleWings · 22/06/2019 08:15

YABU

I had absolutely no preference either way. I have 3 boys. Had I had three girls I would have been equally happy. Had I had a mixture of boys and girls I would have been just as happy. All I knew is I wanted 3 children and I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to have 3 healthy wonderful children. EVERY day I think how lucky I am to have them.

What does bother me is that people might look at me and think "poor her, she's got three boys" and to them I say a massive FUCK OFF. They are the best thing in the world to me. They are hard work and little monkeys but, my god, I wouldn't change them for the world. Nor do I hanker after a daughter.

And the thing that pisses me off the most is people that roll out the shite about how "there's nothing like a mother-daughter bond / boys go off as they're older / daughter for life, son until he finds a wife" SHITE. Do you realise that if you say/believe that then that's what will happen because you're forcing your children into those gender roles. Also, I have an incredibly close bond with my boys as well as I do my mother. I can't compare the relationships. I don't know where my children will be in the future - down the road from me of on the other side of the world. But ones things for sure I'm not going to put pressure on them to be my best friend and to spend time with me. Which I would not have done with a daughter either.

princecaspian · 22/06/2019 08:17

My cousin thinks everyone wanted a girl because she did! So did her mother, they just kept going on until they had a girl.

But it’s not everyone, no.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 22/06/2019 08:17

Erm no

magneticmumbles · 22/06/2019 08:18

Nope, I'm hoping for another boy! But obviously I'll love it whatever it is.

Mabellavender · 22/06/2019 08:19

I’m surprised to see so many comments about not wanting girls because you’re not a girly girl.

Children tend to grow up liking the things you expose them to and my two older daughters aren’t girly, one is a strident feminist at the age of 9 I’ve tried my best not to do the whole Disney thing and they are both into history and love hearing about the history of women and strong historical figures (Joan of Arc, cleopatra, Boudicca)

My youngest girl is obsessed with diggers but she’s only a baby so who knows how she will go but my guess is she won’t be a delicate little girly girl because I’m not bringing her up to be that

Kids are all the same til they get to about 5 I find.

MarthasGinYard · 22/06/2019 08:19

'hating pink: pretty much all the presents baby girls are pink - it would have been extremely hard for me to say thank you to something like that. and i would have never used any of them. easier not have to explain to the giver why their gift is never used'

Fucking hell

TwinkleWings · 22/06/2019 08:23

I do find the "boys are so much easier" reasons also a load of shite. Mine aren't fucking easy. One of them is an emotional nightmare and I have a constant battle of wills with him (he's too similar to me 😂).

I think maybe people that want a particular sex do so because of their own existing relationships. I had no difficult relationships within my life therefore didn't think I don't want a girl/ boy.

I reckon many of the women on here that didn't want a girl maybe had a difficult relationship with their own mother / sister etc and were worried about that replicating.

I genuinely did not give a tiny rats ass the sex of my baby. And am delighted that they are who they are.

septembersunshine · 22/06/2019 08:23

You get whoever is meant to come, boy or girl!

elliejjtiny · 22/06/2019 08:27

First time I wanted a girl because I thought girls would be easier for some reason and because I thought the clothes were nicer. Then when ds1 was born he was so amazing I wanted all my others to be boys too. Now I have 5 boys and couldn't be happier. My boys are so easy going and there is none of the spiteful behaviour that my friends with girls complain about. I think boys make more mess and my lot seem to need loads of exercise but I prefer it that way.

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