Are weddings cf?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My cousin is getting married soon, I'm not invited but my parents are. I've actually only ever been to one wedding in my life when I was about 8.
Me and my mum were chatting about it and she says the couple have asked for money instead of gifts, I asked how much are they giving and she said £100!
My parents are working class but live comfortably, but that still seemed a lot and it got me thinking what if every guest gave £100? And what if there are 100+ guests? That's £10000 they'll be getting!
For all I know it could be a cheap wedding so getting married will make them a profit.
Is it normal to ask for money instead of gifts when you get married?
And is £100 a usual amount to give?
Aibu in thinking it sounds very cf-erish to me? But then I eloped and wouldn't dream of spending thousands on a wedding, let alone asking guests for money or even gifts.

We asked for money. Most younger people do, we don't need any toasters or crystal glasses. But we also said only give if you were planning to anyway!
We certainly didn't 'make a profit'

That is per couple and then kids don’t give anything. So that could be 60 percent gone.

Also £50 would be what I would give unless a very close friend. I personally would not ask for anything as I think its a bit crass but I know lots of people do. They even write stupid rhymes.

When we got married most people gifted us money as we had lived together years etc

We found most couples gifted anywhere between £20-£150 (most people gifted £50 per couple)

We certainly did not make anywhere near £10,000 from our wedding.

Asking for money for a gift is huge CFery in my opinion. People are very split on this though.

I think asking for anything is tacky, grabby and very bad taste, so, but asking for money is even worse in my opinion.

I received £25k in wedding gifts. We had 70 guests.

We already lived together before we got married so never made a traditional gift list as I had no need for a new toaster or mugs or whatever. A few people asked what we’d like as gifts so said perhaps a few pennies to spend on our honeymoon. We were very lucky

We give €200 as a couple more if it's family.

I’ve never been asked to give money, but I usually do give a £100 in an envelope from DH and I as it’s easier than going through a JL gift list or buying them random crap they don’t need. It’s a thank you for being invited, hopefully having a great day and I’d expect eating/drinking more than £50 per head.

I’ve never come across an outright request for cash, I don’t love it but I don’t think it’s so offensive that I’d veto the wedding in protest or anything like that.

When I got married we said no gifts and still got a lot of cash and presents. People don’t like to show empty handed!

I think £100 as a joint gift from your Mum and Dad is not such an outrageous amount - if they can afford it. You usually only get a present from each couple, or each family group, not each individual guest, so your calculation of 100 guests equating to £10,000 is a little exaggerated.

I haven't been to a wedding in years but I don't think it is unusual to ask for money; though it depends I suppose on how the asking is done. If they just up front ask people for money then that is cheeky. But if people say "Do you have a Wedding List?" and they just say "No but if you want to give us something could it be money please" then that is OK.

Of course, when sending out thank yous they should be just as grateful and polite to the person who could only afford £20 as the one who gave £500, say.

We never asked for anything on invite, when asked, we said if they feel like they want to or need to give anything, money or vouchers would be preferable, but not mandatory or anything. Some people came to my wedding and gave us nothing, did we care? No, just glad they came.

Very rarely go to weddings, but if I did I wouldn't be giving £100 to somebody. I also don't believe you should have to cover the cost of your place with the value of your wedding gift.

It's your Mum and Dad's niece or nephew. £100 on their wedding is hardly loads. They're likely to give more than guests who aren't closely related to the couple.

I think it’s fine to ask for money - most people live together before getting married and don’t need reams of stuff from John Lewis, and I don’t see how asking for money is cheekier than asking for presents generally. Most people want to give something at a wedding.

It’s up to your parents how much they give. My husband and I give £100 - £150 depending on how close we are to the couple. But if the couple suggests an amount or is ungrateful for a smaller amount, that is very rude and cheeky.

Sorry maths is definitely not my strong point 🙈 yes I guess it would be per family but still sounds a lot to me, almost like the guests will be paying for their own meal then.
They definitely outright asked for money and no gifts, which shocked me as much as my parents giving them £100 when we only really see them at xmas.

I think asking for money is OK and better than wasted gifts but it should absolutely be acceptable to give a token amount.

I would rather give a couple money to get what they wanted or put in a honeymoon pot than get something they already have, isn't their taste or they would never use and would refit or give to the charity shop at first opportunity Seems sensible to me but people like to get outraged over it and call the couple CF's.

yes I guess it would be per family but still sounds a lot to me, almost like the guests will be paying for their own meal then
Well you would be paying for a gift so it's going to cost you one way or another,so you might as well make good use of the money rather than finding the toaster has been Ebay'ed!!!

We asked for money. Not with a rhyme, and more as a kind of "we don't need anything other than your company but if you would like to give a gift then money would be more useful" kind of way.
I don't think that's rude and actually think its better than a gift list. I have never been offended by requests for money. That said, I've never seen a request for a certain amount. That would probably rub me the wrong way.

I usually give as much as I can afford at the time. Anywhere between £20-100. I wouldn't want a guest going short for me.

My partner and I usually give £150 for people we don’t really know and £200+ to a couple we are family/friends with - this is average where I live (Northern Ireland) I know my friends in Donegal usually aim
Around €200 mark. Think it depends on the wedding,where being held etc. Most people pay around £60 per head for a wedding so probably expect at least that back per person?

DH is Chinese so at our wedding we had both chinese and european guests. The Chinese all gave "Ang Pow" (red packet) containing cash. I understand that, as a rough guide, it is considered appropriate to give an amount that at least covers the cost of your place at the wedding dinner. I think cultural norms in UK are changing so that giving money as a gift has become acceptable nowadays

I received £25k in wedding gifts. We had 70 guests.

wtf EVen if all your guests were adults that's like £350 each person!

As was really embarrassed about the whole present part of our wedding. However we were bagged endlessly and in the end put together a small wedding list on one of these wedding sites. It was good in as you could set it up so you could donate £1 towards an item and therefore people didn’t feel obliged to but us that £500 Crystal duck. It appeased the naggers and elevated my embarrassment and guilt.

There was the option to pop money in a honeymoon fund and some people chose to give us handmade gifts/things they thought we’d love but never ask for or experiences.

All we wanted was the people we loved to be there and to enjoy the day with us - we did and I hope they did.

*nagged not bagged

Personally, I think asking or expecting money is crass.
Even more so, when asked for a donation towards the honeymoon. Especially as the honeymoon should already have been paid for by the tome of the wedding.

I think a bride and groom shouldn't ask or expect money/gifts. You don't invite people to a wedding to receive a gift or money.

If they are given a gift or money then that's the guest's choice and it should be accepted gracefully.

I received £25k in wedding gifts. We had 70 guests.

We didn't ask for money but everyone popped it in cards anyway.U think we were gifted around £380 pounds in total which paid for the hotel we had booked for 2 nights