Are weddings cf?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My cousin is getting married soon, I'm not invited but my parents are. I've actually only ever been to one wedding in my life when I was about 8.
Me and my mum were chatting about it and she says the couple have asked for money instead of gifts, I asked how much are they giving and she said £100!
My parents are working class but live comfortably, but that still seemed a lot and it got me thinking what if every guest gave £100? And what if there are 100+ guests? That's £10000 they'll be getting!
For all I know it could be a cheap wedding so getting married will make them a profit.
Is it normal to ask for money instead of gifts when you get married?
And is £100 a usual amount to give?
Aibu in thinking it sounds very cf-erish to me? But then I eloped and wouldn't dream of spending thousands on a wedding, let alone asking guests for money or even gifts.

We had a gift list but also told people some money would be appreciated as we were hoping to buy a house. We only offered this information if asked, we didn't put it on the invite and most people did ask us. No one seemed to mind and we got together half a deposit of about £6000 from our wedding gifts.

We have had to turn down a recent urish wedding due to spiralling costs. There are 5 of us =£500 gift, £500 to take car, venue =£600 per night BB for 3 rooms, then food and drink costs and clothes.
We were grateful to be asked but at over £2k?? For a weekend, No way.

I actually find wedding lists cheekier now. The few I’ve been to with one only had really pricey items on them, which meant you either had to spend a lot or not get anything which made us feel awkward. I think asking for contributions towards honeymoon etc gives people more flexibility on what they feel comfortable offering.
I also don’t think it’s cheeky to ask on an invitation - as a guest I’d much prefer any money I spend to be useful to the bride and groom so I’d rather they let me know they’d prefer cash so I don’t randomly buy something for the home they’d never use/don’t like.

My honeymoon was the best month of my life. We paid for most of it, and the gifts people gave us made it all the more incredible.

I simply can't imagine a toaster or towels evoking the same response!

Asking for anything is crass really. The polite way to do it imo is to say 'please no boxed gifts'. If people still wish to give you something they can choose money or vouchers or a charity donation.

I'm hoping the person who said they had a poem was being sarcastic because otherwise I'm cringing. That's the tackiest way to do it. Although not quite as bad as the wedding I was invited to that had a poem and a wishing well to put the money in. That was embarrassing.

My friend recently got married. Neither of them have a lot of money or a lot of family, they’re just a nice young couple, who’ve been through quite a lot, and really deserve a nice honeymoon. I don’t think anyone minded when they asked for something towards their honeymoon in lieu of gifts, and I know they wanted their friends celebrating with them above all else. I think the whole “cf” thing only really gets brought up when people don’t really like the bride and / or groom.

I would prefer to be asked for money than try to work our what gift someone wanted!

When I was a child (40 years ago), neighbours gave gifts, whether they were invited to the wedding or not.

Although not quite as bad as the wedding I was invited to that had a poem and a wishing well to put the money in.

The “wishing well” contents were stolen from a wedding of a relative recently

Every wedding invite I’ve received in the last 4 years has had a poem on it asking for more rather than gifts. I don’t think it’s rude or tacky, they just don’t want people lumping random crap on them when they’ve lived together for years anyway. I attended 12 weddings just last year! Although 2 of them were evening invites.

Money* rather than gifts

It’s not an outrageous amount if they can comfortably afford it. I’d give £50 to people we weren’t close to and £100 to people we were I think but luckily don’t get invited to many weddings .

I don’t think it’s rude to request money, it’s preferable to receiving lots of gifts you’ll never use.

I attended 12 weddings just last year!

I’d have to take out a loan to be able to attend all those!

Some of the amounts people say they received has me gobsmacked.

Our wedding cost us about 7 - 8k and our honeymoon an additional 4k. We received some large cash gifts from 3 family members, but from all other guests, we received approximately £200. We were not getting married or inviting people to be involved in our wedding day to profit from it.
We didn't mention anything to do with gifts on the invitations.

When people ask for money, if they have a honeymoon booked, we tend to give them an amount towards spending money whilst they are there. We don't earn enough to give out large figures.

The culture is shifting towards giving money instead of gifts. I don't really see what else you'd give? It's a nice gesture for them to start a life together and is the norm in many other cultures. It's up to the individual to decide how much they are comfortable giving. They aren't realistically going to get £10k. It would be £100 per couple of guests at most and even then, I'd reckon a lot would give £75/£50/£25 depending on day/evening guest or how well they know them.

When we got married 10 years ago we were gifted approx £5k and had 210 guests.
We didn't do a list, we didn't even mention gifts. We got some lovely wine glasses, fancy candles and lots of Belleek pottery and picture frames.
When we go to a wedding we give £100 minimum. £300 if it's a sibling.

My dad always says the rule of thumb is to cover the cost of your meal!

I think £100 for a couple is reasonable for a gift for a wedding. For ours, we had gifts and a gift list rather than cash and their value ranged from about £30 (young/student friends) to about £500 (older couples)

If you were going out for drinks and lunch and canapes and to a band, I imagine you'd spend a lot more than £50 per head. I highly doubt anybody 'makes a profit' from their wedding and it's a bit of an unfortunate way to put it.

Live and let live I say

100+ guests? That's £10000 they'll be getting! For all I know it could be a cheap wedding so getting married will make them a profit.

😂😂😂
If they manage £100 pp they are likely to be breaking even.

Thanks reckon Fair play/Hats off if they manage to “turn a profit”

I wouldn't give 100. 50 probably.

I'm confused!

I thought the point of inviting guests was so that they share in the celebration of marriage with you. As the host it is polite to feed your guests. So why as the guest is there an expectation that you will give a donation for at least the cost of your meal?
Bizarre.

If I was going to a full day wedding with a sit down meal etc with DH we would give £100, if I was going alone I would give £50.
If it was just the evening reception probs £30.

Yes, God forbid a couple are hard up and desperately need money, they shouldn't be so 'tacky'. Personally I think it's more tacky to pass judgement.

I'd utterly hate to buy a wedding present that would go to waste. Pointless. And for what..? Appearances?

Ive just realised my parents still have quite a lot of their wedding gifts 43 years later. Some still in daily or weekly use

When my parents got married (1953), one of their gifts was a set comprising a mop, a broom and a washing up bowl.

My mum used that washing up bowl almost every day until she died in 2016.

DSis is getting married next year and already has household stuff so it going for the "donate to charity" option. I ignore requests for cash (because I find it rude) and give a gift of my own choosing regardless. DSis is actually getting both cos I'd feel guilty not donating to the charity she has chosen.