Are weddings cf?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My cousin is getting married soon, I'm not invited but my parents are. I've actually only ever been to one wedding in my life when I was about 8.
Me and my mum were chatting about it and she says the couple have asked for money instead of gifts, I asked how much are they giving and she said £100!
My parents are working class but live comfortably, but that still seemed a lot and it got me thinking what if every guest gave £100? And what if there are 100+ guests? That's £10000 they'll be getting!
For all I know it could be a cheap wedding so getting married will make them a profit.
Is it normal to ask for money instead of gifts when you get married?
And is £100 a usual amount to give?
Aibu in thinking it sounds very cf-erish to me? But then I eloped and wouldn't dream of spending thousands on a wedding, let alone asking guests for money or even gifts.

I think a bride and groom shouldn't ask or expect money/gifts. You don't invite people to a wedding to receive a gift or money
Come off it, everyone knows that you dont go to a wedding empty handed. It's the social norm in our culture so it's not like the couple are going to say ' wow. That's a surprise. I never thought I'd receive a gift at my wedding!
So by that, they may as well have something useful.

I think it’s crass to ask for money, there’s no need, especially as 90% + of guests will give £ anyway.

But back to the OP...... £100 from a couple is generous but isn’t uncommon. If your parents have been invited to the full day then the couple will be paying for their meal and at least a couple of drinks, so it’s not too horrendous to gift them that much. It’s what I’d give if my DH and I had been invited to a full day wedding.

Just don't ask for anything. Just send an invitation. Then people can choose.

If they have no idea what to get then they will probably just give me. We received 3k but didn't ask for a thing. Wedding cost 15k.

Money not me!

Come off it, everyone knows that you dont go to a wedding empty handed. It's the social norm in our culture so it's not like the couple are going to say ' wow. That's a surprise. I never thought I'd receive a gift at my wedding!

I agree that the majority of people don't go empty handed to a wedding. But the bride and groom should not invite people just for a gift and they certainly shouldn't expect one either.

Surely, the most important thing is that the guests enjoy your wedding and have been invited because you want them there and not because of the gift they will bring.

But the bride and groom should not invite people just for a gift and they certainly shouldn't expect one either.

I don’t think many people invite people just because they want gifts, but on the flip side, of course they expect presents! It’s not being grabby, it’s just the done thing.

I would think it’s the height of rudeness not to bring some sort of gift if you’re invited to the full wedding day. Even if that gift is “only” a £5 photo frame or bottle of Prosecco. It’s really about the gesture.

£100 is from both parents so only £50 per guest. I would not be surprised if a relative like aunt and uncle (which your parents are) or grandparents to give £100. For friends, relatives of the same generation (siblings, cousins) or more distant relatives they probably would give less.

It's not CF to ask for money. If they asked for a set amount or complained if they weren't given enough, that would be CF! If anything, a gift registry is worse because people are expected to spend a certain amount on a present that way.

Yes it's normal to ask for money, rather than people buy you things you don't need and aren't useful.
It's much easier as a guest too.
As their aunt and uncle I think £100 is a fair gift, not OTT at all. Non-family members will give less of course. Anything from £20per person is ok.
My wedding was at a luxury venue and cost a lot, food and drink was all paid for and about £130 per guest (plus loads of entertainment) My uncle and his adult kids and their partners attended, 6 guests and they gave us £60 between all of them. They are not poor, the wedding was not 'out of the way' and yes I thought that gift was a bit cheeky.

I agree that the majority of people don't go empty handed to a wedding. But the bride and groom should not invite people just for a gift and they certainly shouldn't expect one either

Surely, the most important thing is that the guests enjoy your wedding and have been invited because you want them there and not because of the gift they will bring.
I don't think people would invite people just to get cash or a gift. That doesn't make sense. Venues only have so much room so theees usually a limited amount of guests. the couple have to pay a price per head, some guests maybe no shows on the day but still have to be paid for, some guests may only drop £20per couple when the meal was £50 a head.
I think the cash idea is great, it saves fretting about what to buy, whether it's their taste or decor. We got so much stuff that was duplicated, in fact triplicatd. I already lived by myself for 6 years and we lived together at my place for several more before we got hitched. I did try to tell folks that we were ok and didn't need anything but they insisted on tea towels, table clothes, pans and other stuff that I had no room or need for. They went to the homeless hostel for teens, and to a young mothers charity. They may as well have chucked 50 quid in the wind.
Wedding gift list or cash save all that waste.
If people turned up empty handed, well I'm just glad they turned up.

I would guess that's the higher end of the scale... We had a couple of relatives give us a couple of hundred pounds, but that wasn't average - in total we got about 3k, the wedding was about 12-13k.
I also agree that money is fine - we asked for money and a few people still gave "token gifts", which were almost all things we didn't want or need, and it's been a massive faff to sell them on ebay. I'd rather have had the tenner they cos.

We didn't ask for anything because we married more or less alone! MIL wanted to buy us a deep fat fryer and we declined so she offered us 500€. We said if she really wanted to buy us a nice gift could we have some fancy pans that were in the sale half price at 340€. She then started worrying on that we had plenty of pans 😂 anyway I just explained that we really wanted the pans because we cook a lot and they'd last forever. She sniffed a bit but she got us them and they are still perfect 10 years on. Wonderful gift and I thank her everytime we cook together. Her pans are all at least 50 years old so when we cook at her house we have lots of pan themed history to discuss
I've given good wedding gifts from lists or money over the years but we did get a great day in exchange.

€200 per couple is the standard in Ireland

Some people are okay with asking for money. Others are not (like me).
Some people want a big white wedding. Others do not (like me).

I say each to their own, do whatever suits you best. Everyone’s different.

Yes cf the whole lot. We went to one where they asked for money and bought a hot tub.
When we got married if you already had pots and pans you did without presents as you already had what people would buy as gifts.
you didn't write a begging poem for money.
It's the entitled generation though, what do you expect.

My son’s wedding will cost £110 per head for food. They would not profit from a gift of £100 per couple.

We gave my nephew £200.

£50 is the standard in my circles.
We didn't ask for anything at our wedding but got mostly money. Ranging from £20- £100. We certainly didn't make a profit.
I personally wouldn't mind being asked for money as a wedding gift. A lot less hassle. And it's not like I'd be getting them nothing anyway!
(Unless I was my MIL who got us precisely that for our wedding - nothing)

The gift/cash divide is cultural. I had never seen a gift list before I moved to England. Irish, Northern Irish, Greek, Chinese and probably lots of other weddings, cash is very much the norm.

I always give money at weddings. I've been to a few weddings where the invitation says "No boxed gifts please" or something to that effect, which is pretty much a polite euphemism for "cash gifts please". I quite like that because everyone knows where they stand, but it's still quite polite.

£100 is standard for a couple. This is what we got from most of our wedding guests (couples), a few gave more, in the region of £200 per couple. Families (eg 2 grandparents, 2 parents + 2 kids) gave £500-600. Our wedding cost around £130 per head, so we didn’t profit but it was nice to recoup some of the money we’d paid for wedding + honeymoon.

We didn’t invite people “for the sake of getting a gift”, even people that were really generous only really paid for what it cost them per head and a little bit more.

We usually give £100 plus a bottle of champagne, as I like to give a gift as well.

It’s not cheeky, crass or stupid at all. It’s helpful, don’t get why you would begrudge them for it. No one needs more toasters or champagne flutes - would rather have the money to spend on something useful - even if that is clearing a credit card of wedding debt!

And before anyone says “well you shouldn’t have a wedding if you can’t afford it...” even proper budget weddings cost at least £10k these days. Our wedding was not the fanciest of our group of friends and cost us £25k. Tell me who has £25k in cash to spend on a wedding.

As far as I was aware it's the done thing to cover your plate. I gave my cousin £100 for hers recently and I felt it wasn't really enough as I was a bridesmaid but she knows I'm not well off

Here in Ireland most give 200 euros per couple. You are kind of 'expected ' to cover the cost of your meal which can start from 80 euro per head. Of course you can give what you want and can afford. Then if it's immediate family the amount rises. It's VERY common here to ask for money. I can't remember the last time I bought an actual gift. I prefer to give cash as it saves me trying to work out what to buy and I know they'll appreciate the cash more as they can buy whatever they like.

Irish, Northern Irish, Greek, Chinese and probably lots of other weddings, cash is very much the norm.

Yep, in Indian and Pakistan weddings too.

I went to an Indian wedding recently and the B&G received £10k from 400 guests.

€200 per couple is the standard in Ireland

Yes and it's why I decline most wedding invitations now.

I hate being asked for money, especially if it's blatantly being asked for to help with a honeymoon for example. I'd rather give vouchers if I can't actually give an actual gift.