Are weddings cf?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My cousin is getting married soon, I'm not invited but my parents are. I've actually only ever been to one wedding in my life when I was about 8.
Me and my mum were chatting about it and she says the couple have asked for money instead of gifts, I asked how much are they giving and she said £100!
My parents are working class but live comfortably, but that still seemed a lot and it got me thinking what if every guest gave £100? And what if there are 100+ guests? That's £10000 they'll be getting!
For all I know it could be a cheap wedding so getting married will make them a profit.
Is it normal to ask for money instead of gifts when you get married?
And is £100 a usual amount to give?
Aibu in thinking it sounds very cf-erish to me? But then I eloped and wouldn't dream of spending thousands on a wedding, let alone asking guests for money or even gifts.

I've given money twice as a wedding gift , both times £300 , this was to my cousin and my best friend

even proper budget weddings cost at
least £10k these days.

Erm, no. They don’t. 😂

Good god. It's nearly enough to tempt me to marriage.

People will give what they want to give. We included a note saying that after living together for 4 years, all we wanted was for people to be there, but, if they wanted to buy a gift, vouchers for Thompson would be appreciated. Most people gave cash, some vouchers, some nothing at all, some bought a gift. Everyone got a thank you note and we were very grateful. I cant tell you who gave what in terms of the amount - we didn't keep a log because we were just thankful that people came and the gifts were a lovely surprise.

We didn't mention gifts on our wedding invites. Didn't ask for money, nothing.
In the run up to the wedding most guest contacted us asking what we wanted as a gift and when we said we didn't expect a gift most just asked if it was ok if they gave money. Nobody turned up empty handed.

I have never met anyone in real life who is offended by giving money as a wedding gift. It is often the most sensible option. It was for us because at the time we were in a tiny one bed flat. We had no room for pots, pans and toasters not least because we already had those items.

It seems this is another thread on here basically making out that anyone who has an actual wedding of any description, no matter how thoughtful they may be, is automatically a grabby selfish bastard.

The ONLY acceptable way to get married on here it seems is to shuffle down to the registry office on a wet Wednesday in the fleece you walk the dog in. Obviously make sure to not invite any of your family or friends. Then just sit back and bask in how morally superior you are because you didn't have a wedding.

We had a poem that basically said your presence is present enough but if you want to gift us something then money towards our honeymoon would be great. I didn’t want to ask for money but since I’ve got my house lovely and uncluttered I’d rather people turn up empty handed than giving me toasters or vases or towel bales or other useless (to us) stuff. People think it’s tacky but I really didn’t want any gifts! We’d typically give £50 as a wedding gift.

even proper budget weddings cost at
least £10k these days.

Gosh you're nearly 9K out of touch there.

It's £120 to get married on a week day. HTH

No they aren't cf. Some couples want their family and friends to celebrate with them rather than elope. Nobody attends a wedding without a giving something. Why would you begrudge the couple money if that's what they wanted as you'd be spending it on a gift anyway. Surely if you accept a wedding invite then you like the couple and want to help them. Your mum doesn't need to give £100 she could give £50 or even less but she chose £100 as it's her niece and she presumably is wanting to support her and be part of her day by accepting the invitation. You admit your mum lives comfortably. Don't try to persuade your mum to become a scrooge because you chose to elope.

I don't think the cost of the wedding is particularly related to the gift. I'd be less inclined to give generously if I was invited to a very posh wedding in an expensive venue I had to pay lots to attend than to a hard up couple getting married in a registry office.

The tradition is for guests to give gifts at a wedding. It would be madness for 100's of guests to turn up with random gifts the couple probably doesn't want or have space for so money is sensible. As long as the couple don't expect huge amounts (or in fact anything - it should be fine to come empty handed) I don't have an issue with it (and I'm quite cynical about weddings in general).

Tacky as I think it is to ask, £100 is the same amount I've given when attending the weddings of my many nieces and nephews. It's about the going rate as DS and DBs gave the same.

We had a poem

CRINGE

I think money makes more sense and it’s probably what I would give. It’s better for the couple because most these days live together and have everything needed. I wouldn’t ask for anything but if asked I would say money is preferable but I wouldn’t expect anything close to that. There is someone I know who gives money like at weddings.

Asking for money is tacky as it comes, especially in the form of a poem asking for a honeymoon donation. No one gets 30 toasters as that's what wedding lists are for. Some of those over seen have been beyond cheeky - flat screen TVs and the like. Why the hell should I furnish your house / pay for a honeymoon because someone is getting married ? It's their choice but asking for anything is crass. Especially in this day and age as most couples have already set up a home and have everything they need. I really don't move in circles where I could find 150 for folks I don't know very well !!!

flat screen TVs are there any other kind?

We had a poem

CRINGE 

Agree! 🤢

I received £25k in wedding gifts. We had 70 guests.

Christ! I need to find a husband! My family is huge

I think asking for money is completely shameful tbh. I have given money as gifts for a wedding but never if it’s been specifically asked for. When they specifically ask for money I buy an actual gift.

They are not poor, the wedding was not 'out of the way' and yes I thought that gift was a bit cheeky

You thought people who were giving you a gift of money were cheeky? wow.

Asking for money, especially in a cringeworthy poem, is pretty tasteless really.

But £100 from his/her aunt and uncle for their wedding isn’t over the top at all. I have two nieces and if/when either of them get married I’m sure we’ll want to be pretty generous.

Not everyone will have given your cousin that much.

Ive just realised my parents still have quite a lot of their wedding gifts 43 years later. Some still in daily or weekly use. They got a fabulous coffee table that I used to turn upside down and use as a boat when I was a child. My children did the same with it when they were small. It’s still going strong. I love that. No idea how much it cost but I doubt the cash would have accrued anywhere near the same sentimental value.

”Ive just realised my parents still have quite a lot of their wedding gifts 43 years later. Some still in daily or weekly use... I doubt the cash would have accrued anywhere near the same sentimental value.”

Same here, we’ve been married 21 years and still using the crockery we got and are desperately trying to break because I’m bored of it now

Although to be fair, when we got married we were 22 and still using mismatched student crockery. We had nothing really, and no money, so traditional wedding presents were a godsend.

Totally normal in Ireland, as is being invited to the "afters" (which means you're an evening only guest). Looking at the hand wringing on here about both issues, I often wonder if Irish & English mixed weddings lead to faux pas and misunderstandings? I never found out, 'cos I eloped, haha!

We got married abroad and only invited 25 guests, all immediate family and a couple of very close friends. We made no mention of gifts on our invitations and when we were asked what we'd like, we said 'nothing'. We didn't invite people to our wedding to receive anything in return. Also, they paid a lot of money and took time off work to attend our wedding so there was no want or expectation for gifts of any kind. That said, everyone was very generous and we received a lot of money from our guests, with the message, 'some spending money for your honeymoon'.

I agree, it's not cool to ASK for money (or any gift in my opinion - gift registers are the worst)! However, if people want to give you something (which they all do) then that is their choice. Whether it's cash, a toaster or a candle, people should be grateful for anything they receive.

I always give cash as it's easy for me and good for them. £50 for friends and £100 for family.

We had a very small wedding. It was my second and husbands first. We lived together and didn't want any presents but lots of people wanted to get us a present so we asked for money/vouchers towards a honeymoon. Some guests did, some got us presents. If someone asked for money I'd just be relieved I didn't have to go shopping.