Is a women not making an effort if she is not wearing makeup

[AndroidB]

Do you think that a women is not making an effort if they attend something like a Christmas dinner, birthday meal or wedding and she was not wearing makeup? Assume they are clean and wearing tidy formal clothes to fit the occasion. Also if you thought she wasn't making an effort because she wasn't wearing makeup would you keep it to yourself or say something?

According to my Mil this is the case and I should wear makeup. All the time according to her but especially Christmas day and meals out.

I agree with a previous poster who suggested that you wear the most garish make up you can find next time you meet with your MIL.

Be sure to go over the top and adopt the 1980s Boy George/Steve Strange look.

What does your MIL mean by 'make up' ? This could be a bit of concealer and lipgloss or full brows, eyeliner, highlighter etc etc. IMO most people, unless you are really lucky with your skin, look better with a bit of concealer but aside from that I don't really like an over made up look. I can see that someone who does this makes a huge effort and it amazes me to see before and after pictures of some people's make up, but I certainly wouldn't expect that people make their faces up or that it meant you weren't making enough effort if you didn't.

How rude of your MIL. Why does she care whether or not you wear make up.
I usually wear make up if I'm going out but know plenty of people who don't.

I never wear makeup. I'm always clean, tidy and presentable for the occasion.
Think your mil is talking crap.

The only make up I wear is mascara (and a bit of lippy if I'm feeling fancy) lol. It's all I wore on my wedding day too. I look and feel like a drag queen (and not a pretty one) with anything else on. I don't think it's got anything to do with making an effort or not, it's about being comfortable in your own skin. Some people are and some aren't. People should do whatever makes them comfortable, without judgement x

I have hardly worn any make up at all for about 5 years.
Before that I rarely wore it, maybe just special occasions.

I have never worn it much, never done daily foundation and mascara even, so I really do mean zero.

My skin is fnie unitl I use make up and then I start to get facial exzema.
I have never thought about it, just don't wear it.

I would be frankly astonished by anyone tell me I had to. I would just laugh and say it isn't my style and change the subject

Wearing make up has naff all to do with ‘making an effort’. Making an effort is being clean and presentable, not layering oil onto your face. Ignore her.

My grandmother used to say this about my sister in law, and compare her to our cousin- “she should make more of an effort and wear make up to work like our ‘cousin’”

The difference? Sister in law is a civil engineer and on site most of the time. Our cousin- works in a beauty salon. Go figure🙄

D'you know what pees me off? My understanding is that in every other mammal species - where the female puts the vast majority of the effort into making offspring - it's the male that has to be visually appealing in order to look their best and be chosen. I mean peacocks!! Sometimes their tails actually hinder their ability to feed!

The females can look drab and boring as they like! What's up with our species eh?

Those of us who are averse to darkening the doorstep of a beauty salon should all run away and join the Wodaabe tribe. It's the men that have to put in the effort in that tribe.

fotheringhay That is an excellent point - is there any other animal species at all where the female puts on display for the male? It's always the male who parades his colour and shows of his dance moves isn't it?

I guess female baboons do have bright red bottoms

What's peculiar is how make up has come to be regarded by some as part of being "groomed" and part of being appropriately dressed for work - I'm not sure how this has come about. It's utterly illogical in pretty much every sense...

Attitudes to make up have varied throughout history, with ancient Egyptians wearing make up but early victorians regarding make up as not respectable at all - but its pretty much always been viewed as something women use to look attractive - sexually attractive - how did that come to be required for the workplace?

another My guess is it's a combination of the patriarchy squashing women's autonomy and making us (the majority of women around the world) practically dependant on one man esp if she's got dc, so they have to conform or risk abandonment.

That plus the rise of Raunch Culture (as in the book by Ariel Levy) which imo is a backlash against our growing liberation in the early 90s. Remember the androgynous freedom of indie/grunge and the kind caring 'new man' being replaced by lad culture? All the playboy bunny crap etc? That led to a renewed focus on females being visually appealing - putting in all the time and money, with the added limitations of feeling ugly without it - put a lid on our capacity to make further progress towards freedom.

Wow it's amazing how much I can witter on when I need to avoid the housework!

fotheringhay I was in my late teens and early 20s in the early 90s, backpacking around the world, uni, then moved to London... who'd have known that that was probably the best time to be a young woman... how lucky were we? At least I know I enjoyed it to the full, unlike my mum who admits that the 1960s and early '70s basically missed her out/ went over her head

I have a teenaged DD, she's still more child than adult so fine so far, but I'm sad that the world won't be the same for her, nor indeed for her little brothers.

I never had a problem with interviews even in the financial district of London in a suit, make up free, and got offered every job I interviewed for in the '90s, and was never short of boyfriends and attention despite going clubbing in jeans, trainers, a t shirt and no make up, I wonder whether there are still girls doing that now or whether it's unthinkable?

I think you MIL is being completely unreasonable, you don't like makeup so shouldn't wear it simple as that. At first I thought it was going to be that you usually do and on this I occasion you hadn't, I thought
She may have been concerned, but no.....just rude !!!

I wear my make up 99% of the time, it's making an effort for myself. I feel better with it on, I don't wear alot, but I have my routine and don't really feel dressed without it. I don't wear it for anyone else, but it makes me feel good.

Your MIL need to have a few lessons in manners.

Could you get your DH to put on makeup and present it as a collective effort?

I have never seen my MIL wear make up in 25 years, including weddings, christenings, funerals, Christmases and birthdays.

I barely wear make up; I might wear some tinted moisturiser and lip stick on those types of occasions.

Wearing makeup is a choice not an obligation. It's ridiculous how it's become almost as expected as washing your face or brushing your teeth and if you don't do it, you're somehow slovenly.

Time to go full Goth, op!

As someone that wears a full face of makeup everyday I completely disagree with your MIL. It's people like her that make people like me feel insecure enough to cover their entire face up in makeup everyday.

I love make up! I’ve got loads. I’ve suffered acne for years. When my skin decides to not hate me, I don’t tend to wear it. I want to actually be able to go out make up free, not have to cover it up. I hope that made sense!! It’s personal choice, you want to wear it then do, if not- don’t. I’d never judge either way x

Honestly, I look better without make up than with. So I do ‘t Bother!