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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a women not making an effort if she is not wearing makeup

146 replies

AndroidB · 21/06/2019 14:35

Do you think that a women is not making an effort if they attend something like a Christmas dinner, birthday meal or wedding and she was not wearing makeup? Assume they are clean and wearing tidy formal clothes to fit the occasion. Also if you thought she wasn't making an effort because she wasn't wearing makeup would you keep it to yourself or say something?

According to my Mil this is the case and I should wear makeup. All the time according to her but especially Christmas day and meals out.

OP posts:
Frequency · 21/06/2019 15:22

I love make-up and live for an excuse to use all of my eyeshadow, all at once. I do notice other people's make-up because I look for it to check if I can ask them for application tips or what colours they're wearing or just generally chat about make-up, so I would notice if a woman wasn't wearing any.

I wouldn't judge or think she was lazy, I'd just notice.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2019 15:22

Hell no. Why would it even matter? Make-up/no-make-up... does anybody really care what another woman puts on her face?

Why are some women so obsessed with assessing and judging other women for what they look like? It's immensely irritating.

Angry
anothernotherone · 21/06/2019 15:28

I don't wear make up. Like happymummy upthread I didn't wear it to my own wedding either - how weird would it be to wear it for your wedding if you'd never worn it before? It'd make the wedding deal like being in an amateur dramatic theatre production ...

Nobody has ever commented. Not once. Ever.

I'm female and 45.

I must look absolutely terrifying so nobody dares say anything Grin not such a big achievement at my age but I was doin well to be terrifying in my 20s Grin

Honeybee85 · 21/06/2019 15:29

Your MIL is possibly feeling bad about her own face sans makeup and now trying to make you feel insecure about yours. Don’t fall for it.

I think a woman who keeps herself clean, wears tidy clothes and has her hair and nails looking tidy is doing enough effort! DH says btw that from his knowledge, many men prefer this look above a contoured insta worthy made up face!

My grandmothers never wore any make up but took great care of themselves and look(ed) fabulous! I wish sometimes we could go back to the time in which they grew up, in which society didnt expect a woman to paint her face like Picasso every day.

lazylinguist · 21/06/2019 15:30

Utter sexist bollocks. I wear make-up every day, because unfortunately I am used to the way I look with it on, and hate the way I look without it. But that's my issue, and I'd love not to feel I had to wear it. I'd never judge anyone else for not wearing it - in fact I feel mildly envious of confidently bare-faced women. Your MIL is an arse.

herculepoirot2 · 21/06/2019 15:30

I am definitely not making an effort. An effort to do what, though?

PinkGlitter123 · 21/06/2019 15:32

What does NT stand for? BeesAndCheese?

I couldn't care less whether women wear make up or not. Certainly wouldn't think them lazy for not bothering 😐

HerRoyalNotness · 21/06/2019 15:33

My Mil said to me once ‘I don’t care how pretty you are (general you I think she meant) everyone looks better with a bit of makeup’ to my face, with no makeup on.

I’ve come to realise she’d a bit of a twat. I was thinking the other day, and what effort does her son make exactly when he goes out, apart from shower and clean clothes. None, that’s what, so why should I?

TowelNumber42 · 21/06/2019 15:33

My mother thinks I "let myself down" by rarely wearing pencil skirts and heels. She was right at home in the Mad Men era. Male approval is vital to her. Female beauty is the ultimate source of approval. Being "too clever" is a problem.

I've never ever seen MIL in makeup or a skirt. She once bought me sturdy pyjamas as a present after catching a glimpse of me dashing to the loo in a flimsy nightie one time in my twenties.

Proteinshakesandtears · 21/06/2019 15:34

To me 'making an effort' is the same for men or women

Good personal hygiene. Hair brushed, clothes iron that fit the occasion.

Thats it.

DoctorDread · 21/06/2019 15:34

This is to do with your MIL isn't it? Old fashioned stereotyping. Simples

Snog · 21/06/2019 15:35

MIL is a sexist relic

AntsMarching · 21/06/2019 15:35

I never wear makeup either, but a friend of mine who does recently said, "being pretty is not the rent women pay to exist in the world." Which to me means, wear it if you want to, but only if it pleases you.

Bluerussian · 21/06/2019 15:43

Ridiculous. Some girls and women just don't like wearing make up, it doesn't suit them. They have usually thoroughly tried it and given up. Nothing wrong with that.

However it used to be considered part of being well groomed which is probably where the comment came from.

MordredsOrrery · 21/06/2019 15:46

I'm always impressed with women who manage make up along with everything else. I find it fiddly seems annoying so gave up a long time ago. Plus I just look ridiculous in lipstick.

Ask your MIL to pay for a make up artist if she wants you to be made up.

isseywithcats · 21/06/2019 15:46

i havent worn make since i had my kids at 18 and mainly because im allergic to most of them so not worth the itchy eyes and skin not because i cant be bothered

Ohyesiam · 21/06/2019 15:47

So our faces are only ok if they are altered?
This can surely get Bly he an attack on you, and she’s scraped the barrel here. You must be pretty up together in most ways if that is all she can come up with.

Tell her it’s really none of her business

museumum · 21/06/2019 15:47

OP please please please do this for the next meal

Is a women not making an effort if she is not wearing makeup
NinetySixer · 21/06/2019 15:48

I enjoy wearing makeup. I like the act of taking my time to put it on etc. Other times I don’t want to. I’ll still put on well cut clothes that look smart, have tidy nails and be groomed etc.

I work for a very modern company yet still get comments from bosses about not making an effort of make up isn’t worn. My boss once told me to make sure I bring my lippy to work and keep it topped up.

I find it incredibly rude. An now hardly ever wear it work.

ethelfleda · 21/06/2019 15:49

Your MIL is an idiot.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/06/2019 15:51

Bollox.
I'm 50 and very very rarely wear make up.
I look like a clown when I do.
I much prefer the proper natural look.
No-one has ever said I should wear make up.
They are all just shocked that I don't.

5foot5 · 21/06/2019 15:52

I never wear make up, not sure I even own any anymore. Oh hang on I think I have a lipstick, DD gave me once because she didn't want it.

Mil said I would look alot better if I wore makeup

Your MIL is very, very rude. I am in my late 50s and hardly any of the women I know who are my age bother with make up.

DD (in her 20s) wears it when she goes out and is way better at it then I ever was.

TitusP · 21/06/2019 15:53

I've recently stopped wearing makeup to work and it has been so freeing, both with my time and psychologically. Acne scars, blemishes and all.

Your MIL is sexist unless she also said it to your DH then I'd let her off but would instead be concerned she'd joined an MLM and was trying to flog it to you!

Original poster
AndroidB · 21/06/2019 15:53

museumum that looks really pretty, wish I had the skill/ ability to do that

OP posts:
formerbabe · 21/06/2019 15:53

I'd think it unusual if a woman wasn't wearing make up at a wedding but it wouldn't bother me especially. I once read a thread where a woman said she didn't wear make up to her own wedding...I was absolutely Shock at that!

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