Is a women not making an effort if she is not wearing makeup

[AndroidB]

Do you think that a women is not making an effort if they attend something like a Christmas dinner, birthday meal or wedding and she was not wearing makeup? Assume they are clean and wearing tidy formal clothes to fit the occasion. Also if you thought she wasn't making an effort because she wasn't wearing makeup would you keep it to yourself or say something?

According to my Mil this is the case and I should wear makeup. All the time according to her but especially Christmas day and meals out.

If I feel like wearing It I do, if I don't I don't.

After a very long marriage where I was expected to look "the part" every single day, I really revel in not feeling like I have an oil slick on my face

I didn't develop the habit because of getting very sore eczema on my eyelids from stage makeup when I was young. I can wear it now, but my technique isn't great and I can't be bothered to practice.

My colouring is strong enough that I look healthy and decently defined. I have to be careful that makeup doesn't draw attention to my "imperfections" such as a scar that affects the way that eye makeup lies.

It's a shame that OP is so sensitive and can't try all that contouring malarkey to make a point

My mil would not dream of making a remark about whether or not I was wearing makeup or indeed any aspect of my personal appearance.
Well, she may well dream about it but she's too canny to make it a reality.

Ha ha! mine too! She is lovely and probably thinks I am weird, but as she is lovely she keeps that thought to herself

Mil said I would look alot better if I wore makeup, which did make me self conscious for a while. But then I think I'm not going to change who I am for others and surely alot of people don't have this sexist out dated attitude anymore? Mil has also got me makeup for my birthday in the past, which ended up in the bin

You're lucky if I get out of my pyjamas on Christmas Day.

If I don’t wear makeup l’m not making an effort. I’d never judge another woman.

Explain what internalised misogyny means to her.

DW must never make any effort then. Dear god why do you spend any time with this woman?

Why has your DH not told her clearly that if she ever wants to see either of you again this must stop?

My DM makes the same sort of comments. I've never really worn a lot of makeup but I do sometimes feel out of sorts if I'm at an event and everyone else has put some on and I haven't. Internalised misogyny.

Women covering their faces. One way or another.

I'm a makeup everywhere every day type but your mil is so wrong. How dare she tell you to wear make up!

I tend to wear make up on special occasions because I tend to make more effort on special occasions and to me the make up is an extension of a special outfit, kind of like accessories iyswim. I wouldnt judge anybody else who didnt wear it. However if everyone else had it on I might feel a bit self conscious if I didn't. Everyday though make up is the last thing on my mind.

Am sure lots of people THINK this, but it’s sexist. Someone who says it outright, to or about her DIL, is even more sexist!

I don't wear make-up. Don't like the way it looks or feels. I used to feel pressure to wear it for special occasions when I was younger, but now I never do (and I don't even like photos of myself with it on).

Nobody has ever commented and I'm glad - I would think anybody who did comment was extremely rude! I do sometimes think people look odd if they are wearing a lot but I try to keep my own judgemental bollocks on the inside: if they are happy in loads of makeup then good for them.

I never wear makeup. I'm just out a job interview bare faced. But I have on my best work clothes and my hair is looking fab. So I'm happy.

Nobody expects a man to show up to Christmas dinner like a painted doll - why should we?

I never wear makeup, couldn't give a stuff if people think I don't make an effort - balls to them
It's your MIL who is the unreasonable one here, not you

why are you starting another thread about this, Android?

Ok, if there's two threads running, I take back my vote and YABU too lol

Isn’t the other thread about other aspects of MIL’s behaviour? If so then fine for OP to have this one on the make up thing.

My mother's the same. I'm pretty sure I'm a disappointment to her because I live in my jeans and rarely wear makeup. She feels she's let herself down if she's not in a dress or a skirt with full slap on.

She'd often ask me when I was a teenager and we were going out somewhere if I wasn't going to put some on. I'd invariably say no. Not that she could always tell anyway - I remember her once telling me it was nice I'd put some on for church and I looked at her blankly as I hadn't! When I gave in one time she then moaned I'd done it wrong, so I can't win, really! I will put some on if we go out for dinner, but will refuse if she suggests it. I'm nearly 40 for goodness sake and can make my own decisions on these things!

Occasionally I do wish I'd gotten into the habit more, as I'll see someone who looks really nice in makeup and wish that were me, but I'm crap at putting it on. Plus, my skin's really good and I look younger than my years, and I'm convinced it's because I go 99% of the time make-up free. I use a face wash every morning but that's it. Don't even wash my face at night.

CassianAndor my other thread was about a different topic and I wanted to get peoples opinion on this matter. If its a common attitude still or outdated

Bollox to her.

I wear it if I want to and if I remember.

Whether you wear it or not is nowt to do with anyone else.

Hang on did someone upthread equate a woman not wearing makeup to a man turning up to an event in an unironed shirt or a scruffy tracksuit?

Hope I read that wrong - otherwise WTF?

Why should women need to "make an effort" in order to make their faces acceptable? Men seem to manage all sorts of occasions by just being clean and tidy.
I don't wear makeup because I don't want to. Unless they are caked in the stuff, I don't notice if other women are wearing makeup or not. It was once suggested to me by an employer that I should wear makeup for work. They never asked again!

Your MIL is full of dated sexist nonsense. You are SO not being unreasonable. Besides, some makeup doesn't even look good! It's horses for courses! Wear it if you enjoy that form of self-decoration! Dont' wear it if you enjoy other / no forms of decoration! And why should women be expected to 'make an effort' over and above the efforts made by men? Your MIL needs deprogramming from the stepford cult stat.

What she needs to understand and where she's 'got' you, is that makeup 'formality' isn't the same as clothes 'formality' at Christmas dinners and elsewhere. Sure, there are certain outfits that should be worn at certain occasions. Unless you're The Dude, you probably won't wear flip flops to a funeral, and you won't wear PJs to the office. But while clothes for a formal christmas lunch might need to show an effort (if you subscribe to that view lots of families might celebrate in their trakkies), effort doesn't mean makeup! Think of how this is being questioned in all sort of previously super sexist contexts now -- flight attendants now no longer have to wear makeup (in most places) as part of their very jazzy look.