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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Adopted Twins became pregnant then gave babies back! Daily Mail

155 replies

dottiedodah · 21/06/2019 13:39

Reading unusual story in todays Daily Mail.A couple who struggled to conceive adopted twin boys .The Adopted Mum felt she couldnt bond with them very well and also felt unwell .To her surprise she found out she was pregnant!.Felt terribly guilty she couldnt bond properly and spoke to the social workers about returning them ,they went back to care after just a couple of nights !.Feels guilty obviously ,but also just couldnt do it!(husband bonded well ) thinks its possibly due to her Hormones?Aapparently may not have been able to keep them long term as issue meaning they may need to be OC anyway!.Felt sorry for her and the babies TBH what does anyone else think?

OP posts:

BlueSkiesLies · 21/06/2019 14:53

Hand on heart - how many people would have made a different decision if they found themselves in the same position?

Bet not many of you would have continued with the adoption.

Tallgreenbottle · 21/06/2019 14:54

Don't 4 out of 5 adoptions break down or something? This isn't a major breaking news story.

Hithere12 · 21/06/2019 14:56

Don’t 1/3 adoptions end up not working out?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 21/06/2019 14:58

Hand on heart - how many people would have made a different decision if they found themselves in the same position?

I would have tried to make it work. I'm not saying it would have worked out ok but I would have at least tried especially as her partner had already bonded with the boys.

If it had not worked out I certainly wouldn't be writing a pity me book about the it to make money from the situation I had found myself in. I don't think I would be alone in thinking they had suffered enough and didn't need a bloody book written about them on top of all they had been through.

Sherkin · 21/06/2019 14:59

Agreed, @weAllSingAlongLikeBefore.

Adopters are asked to be 100% with contraception precisely so that this doesn't happen -- but as a PP said, one does wonder about the diagnosis of infertility, given that they now appear to have conceived naturally twice...?

Child services won't place a child for adoption in a household where there will be younger children than the adopted child, and they generally want an absolute minimum of two years between the next youngest child and the adopted child both these for good reasons so this placement would never have been made if it had been known at panel that this woman was pregnant.

I think that disrupting the adoption may in fact have been the best thing to do for everyone concerned.

The only thing that worries me about the characteristically dimwit DM way that story was reported is that it gives the impression that the adopting mother was being strange in not feeling an immediate rush of love for the children she had only just had introductions with, when of course many or most adoptive parents are feeling blank, miserable, not coping and faking parental love for long periods, certainly during the first weeks and months of a placement.

DaisyCarrington · 21/06/2019 15:01

But going to the press with it and writing a book - shame on her.

People write books about their experiences and publicists book newspaper interviews for them. Is this a shock?—surely the MNet community can't be that naive.

Ted27 · 21/06/2019 15:04

no 4 out of 5 adoptions do not break down.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 21/06/2019 15:04

Seems to me to be a very good illustration of why I hate the glib comments that everyone makes to people with fertility problems re "why don't you just adopt?"

This! Or 'So many children need loving homes', well, open yours then, adoption is not just the preserve of the infertile.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 21/06/2019 15:06

I felt sorry for her for a moment, fuck ups happens.

But plugging a book about it? Sorry, that's crass.

Munhu · 21/06/2019 15:07

Adoption breakdowns happen but I don't see why they felt the need to run to the media and write a book about it. Hopefully the babies were adopted by a loving family and I think they probably dodged a bullet with this attention seeking and opportunistic pair of idiots.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 21/06/2019 15:11

People write books about their experiences and publicists book newspaper interviews for them. Is this a shock?
It's not a shock we all understand how promoting products works but can you really not see why writing a book about this situation which sounds very me, me, me from the exerts I've seen is highly inappropriate?

Its like she has given no consideration for the 2 very real children out there who went through this event she's solely focused on exploiting them to get money.

Pomegranatepompom · 21/06/2019 15:27

Very narcissistic to write a book, does she really think the babies will look for her after 24 hours and a few visits. That's just babysitting imo

Its awful she has written this book and now looking for publicity, I feel dreadfully sorry for any twins who may worry this is about them and feel they were rejected not once but twice in there very young lives. How damaging that could be.

wictional · 21/06/2019 15:35

I received an advanced copy of her book.

The adoption is a small part of her story. The daily fail have completely taken this situation out of context. I feel sorry for her.

Also, PR chooses the interviews, not the author

Pomegranatepompom · 21/06/2019 15:37

She still choose to write about it. That bit was not her story to tell.

Bluerussian · 21/06/2019 15:40

Sad business. Apparently 20% (known, figure could be higher) of adoptions break down. You can't turn on the chemistry and bonding like a tap. I feel sorry for all concerned. I was an adopted child btw so have some insight.

Still I'm glad the woman is pregnant and hope she doesn't feel too much of a failure. Someone will snap up those twins.

(I don't know what OC means)

wictional · 21/06/2019 15:40

*To be honest, I'm finding it hard to judge someone who finds out at the very start of an adoption that they are also pregnant.

It's likely that they were geared up to start dealing with a long process of parenting two attachment-damaged children. I would think that a birth child arriving in the middle of that wouldn't be easy on anyone, and like many others, the adoption would be very difficult to make work.*

This is exactly what she describes in her book. Again, the daily fail have twisted her situation and you’re all falling for the click bait.

TwoPupsAndaHamster · 21/06/2019 15:42

Which is fabulous but it still doesn't make it her story to tell. The truth is there are 2 little boys out there who have had a book written about them without their consent just so this women can make some extra money and try to ease her guilt at giving them up so easily

I agree. Plus these children now have their photos and unfortunate start in life plastered all over the media.

Adoptions break down all the time but this woman's actions is despicable and could, potentially, if not probably, undo the stability and sense of worth their forever adopters have provided for the twins.

Pomegranatepompom · 21/06/2019 15:44

Regardless of the DM write up, she is very very wrong to provide the details she does about these babies.

PCohle · 21/06/2019 15:46

Again, the daily fail have twisted her situation and you’re all falling for the click bait.

Really? I think the responses here to this woman's story have been very measured and sympathetic.

She's chosen to write a book at least in part about these boys and to use the Daily Mail to promote the book for her financial gain. Making out that she's a saint and we're all fools for being taken in by the "Daily Fail" is pretty disingenuous.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 21/06/2019 15:47

The adoption is a small part of her story. The daily fail have completely taken this situation out of context. I feel sorry for her.

I'm so confused by what you mean with this comment below is the blurb of the book she has written, it seems to me the adoption is a key premise of the book?

Alison Sanders was happily married to her university sweetheart, Paul, and they had everything they could hope for. But they couldn't conceive naturally so they decided adopt. However, days after they took twin babies home with them, Alison fell pregnant. She and her husband took the devastating decision to halt the adoption process and focus on the long-awaited pregnancy, but the birth of her son only led to more problems. In her book, Alison tells all about her recovery from heartbreak, postnatal depression and OCD to go on to live a fulfilling family life.

wictional · 21/06/2019 15:50

... you do realise that she doesn’t make the decisions, her pr person does? Her book is about pnd and raising awareness of that.

She provides no details about the babies other than them being twins and boys, and we don’t even know if she made that up to protect them! Yes, there have been some sympathetic comments, but there have been a lot of nasty ones too.

Having read the full story in her own words, I think this article has spun it way out of context. That’s all i’m saying.

Pomegranatepompom · 21/06/2019 15:55

I can’t imagine there are many baby boy twins who are adopted, I’m not sure how clearly she says the year, but it really would not be that hard to work out.
Potentially very damaging to the boys.

PCohle · 21/06/2019 15:55

... you do realise that she doesn’t make the decisions, her pr person does?

That's bollocks. You can't handwave responsibility for decisions make on your behalf with your full participation and consent.

RubberTreePlant · 21/06/2019 15:58

Plus these children now have their photos and unfortunate start in life plastered all over the media.

No, the photos are of her birth DC.

codemonkey · 21/06/2019 15:58

Has anyone actually read the book?

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