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Adopted Twins became pregnant then gave babies back! Daily Mail

155 replies

dottiedodah · 21/06/2019 13:39

Reading unusual story in todays Daily Mail.A couple who struggled to conceive adopted twin boys .The Adopted Mum felt she couldnt bond with them very well and also felt unwell .To her surprise she found out she was pregnant!.Felt terribly guilty she couldnt bond properly and spoke to the social workers about returning them ,they went back to care after just a couple of nights !.Feels guilty obviously ,but also just couldnt do it!(husband bonded well ) thinks its possibly due to her Hormones?Aapparently may not have been able to keep them long term as issue meaning they may need to be OC anyway!.Felt sorry for her and the babies TBH what does anyone else think?

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 21/06/2019 14:08

She's plugging her book.

Her greatest wish is that one day the boys will come knocking on her door.

After she gave them after 2 days? Is she having a laugh? She's a blip in their lives.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2019 14:09

She wouldn't have contacted the DM. She's publishing a book about it and her publicists would have contacted them.

She wasn't allowed to keep them because the twins needed special care and attention due to their past, and if she was pregnant she couldn't give them that.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 21/06/2019 14:09

Adoptions breakdown, it’s not all sunshine and roses and can be massively difficult and traumatic for all concerned.

As others have pointed out this wasn't an adoption breakdown it happened because herself and her partner had still been having unprotected sex whilst undertaking the adoption procedure.

SS wouldn’t have ‘taken them back’ without working very closely with the family

She apparently said she wanted to give them back so I don't see what SS could have done, they could hardly force her to reconsider. She made the decision in less than 24 hours. It doesn't sound like their was much time for SS to do anything.

weAllSingAlongLikeBefore · 21/06/2019 14:10

It's a very interesting story. I don't judge them badly at all. It sounds like the adoption wouldn't have been allowed to happen anyway and the babies were adopted in the end.

Social services would have weighed it all up carefully. They put a lot of time and energy into matches and introductions etc. Yes it would have raised some issues but it wouldn't have necessarily meant the end. Especially if they had a good support network. The woman did not want the option of keeping them.

boobirdblue · 21/06/2019 14:15

@weAllSingAlongLikeBefore excellent post and I agree with all you said.

honeygirlz · 21/06/2019 14:15

She wasn't allowed to keep them because the twins needed special care and attention due to their past, and if she was pregnant she couldn't give them that.

That's not what she says. She said they decided they didn't want them. She's saying that SWs probably wouldn't have let her keep them anyway.

bridgetreilly · 21/06/2019 14:17

She hadn't bonded after TWO NIGHTS?! What was she expecting? Magical fairy dust? Unbelieveable.

RubberTreePlant · 21/06/2019 14:17

It sounds as though the twins had a lucky escape.

Of it were me, I'd be embarrassed, not flogging a book.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/06/2019 14:25

To be honest, I'm finding it hard to judge someone who finds out at the very start of an adoption that they are also pregnant.

It's likely that they were geared up to start dealing with a long process of parenting two attachment-damaged children. I would think that a birth child arriving in the middle of that wouldn't be easy on anyone, and like many others, the adoption would be very difficult to make work.

PeoniesarePink · 21/06/2019 14:25

Although the story was a bit Hmm I can appreciate that she just didn't bond with the twins and her own pregnancy was more important to her.

But going to the press with it and writing a book - shame on her. Those kids aren't toys or objects, they are kids who've gone through a whole heap of shit in their short lives. I truly hope they went to a family who deserved them.

Haworthia · 21/06/2019 14:32

The book is crass to the extreme I agree. And I’m sure there are several “broken mother” books called When The Bough Breaks already. What a pukeworthy title.

...I just went off to Google and I KNEW there was a similar book with the same bloody title! Julia Hollander (sister of Tom) relinquished her severely disabled baby to the care system and wrote a book about it. Equally crass IMO.

Josiebloggs · 21/06/2019 14:33

Yes I judge her, writing a book, going to a newspaper, throwing out babies that weren't good enough once she had her precious naturally conceived baby.
It is a good example of why people shouldn't suggest adoption to infertile couples though. Adoption should never be a second choice.
Adoptions breaking down is inevitable and understandable, this womans did not break down, luckily, the twins had a very lucky escape.

Cordyline1 · 21/06/2019 14:37

They need someone who can give them their full attention rather than be bonding with their own baby and see them as an inconvenience.

Yabbers · 21/06/2019 14:40

Julia Hollander (sister of Tom) relinquished her severely disabled baby to the care system and wrote a book about it. Equally crass IMO

Totally different situation, isn’t it?

beachysandy81 · 21/06/2019 14:40

It does sound like they wouldn't have been picked if they had know she would get pregnant. She obviously doesn't feel the slightest bit guilty as she has gone to the national press and is writing a book about it - what an opportunist!

81Byerley · 21/06/2019 14:41

As someone who fostered pre-adoption babies, I can tell you that this does sometimes happen. I had a friend who also fostered newborns and one day she was showing me photos of "her" babies. One of them was a stunningly beautiful baby, and I remarked on this, saying "Imagine adopting this little boy! he's gorgeous!". My friend told me that a couple had been chosen to adopt him, and she'd been very worried about them. The woman had seemed distant, though her husband had been immediately besotted. He told her that he was a lorry driver and wouldn't be able to visit until the following weekend, but that his wife didn't work and would be able to visit every day, if allowed. My friend said it would be good if she could come every day, in order to bond with the baby and to get used to looking after him. By the Thursday the woman still hadn't contacted her, so my friend rang the social worker, and said she wasn't happy about them having the baby. The social worker went to see the woman, who broke down in tears and said "I'm so desperate for a baby, and my husband is so thrilled, |I couldn't tell him that isn't my baby" She said she was scared that if she turned down that baby, she wouldn't be allowed to adopt at all. The social worker reassured her, helped her to tell her husband, and they were offered my friend's next baby. My friend said it was so different the next time. The girl was immediately thrilled with the baby, visited every day, bonded immediately. I asked which baby she did adopt, and my friend showed me a photo of a very sweet little boy, but he was what we describe in our family as a "huggly" baby. You want to hug them and love them, but they are definitely not beautiful. Obviously looks have nothing to do with the chemistry that is parent-child bonding.

I think this woman did the right thing. Imagine if she kept them and didn't bond, but bonded with the child she is expecting?

DontPressSendTooSoon · 21/06/2019 14:41

Sounds like once she got pregnant she no longer wanted the 'defective' as she may have viewed it adopted boys with developmental difficulties.

Feelingwalkedover · 21/06/2019 14:42

I was shocked
She should be ashamed ,that was not her finest hour .
I understand adoptions break down .
She didn’t give it a chance ,she ended it the minute something better came along.
As for writing a book about it ...I can’t actually find the words.

Nomorebitingnailsplease · 21/06/2019 14:43

Seems to me to be a very good illustration of why I hate the glib comments that everyone makes to people with fertility problems re "why don't you just adopt?". Children deserve adoptive parents who feel a genuine desire to be adoptive parents.

LizzieSiddal · 21/06/2019 14:43

I too think the twins had a lucky escape.
Her heart went in it and I hope the dc are with someone who loves them.

Feelingwalkedover · 21/06/2019 14:43

On the plus side
Babies are now in a loving home .

PCohle · 21/06/2019 14:44

It strikes me as a complex situation with, what sounds like, quite a lot of different strands to what went on. Writing a book about the situation strikes me as a pretty crass thing to do though.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 21/06/2019 14:46

On the plus side Babies are now in a loving home .

Which is fabulous but it still doesn't make it her story to tell. The truth is there are 2 little boys out there who have had a book written about them without their consent just so this women can make some extra money and try to ease her guilt at giving them up so easily.

Feelingwalkedover · 21/06/2019 14:47

Totally agree with you head down thumbs up

InezInez · 21/06/2019 14:53

I have to admit I judged her as soon as I read the headline. But once I read the article I understood and respected her decision. It was a unique situation that no one expected and I think she made a difficult but smart choice.