To think its prattish to "thankyou-shame" strangers in doorways.

[wirlygig]

Like most generally polite people I say thank you when I see people going out of their way to hold a door open for me, unless I'm really distracted. But today, I walked into a busy shopping centre straight after a man and briefly took over hold of the door that he'd pushed open, before the person behind took it over from me. The man in front hadn't needed to pause in any way, but he immediately called over his shoulder "Thankyou!" in a sarcastic voice. I instinctively said "Thankyou" back to him in a similar tone, followed by:
Him (sarcastic): "Nice to get some politeness from a lady!"
Me (ruffled and unimaginative): "Sexist pig!"
Him: "Lesbian!"

I left it there, but it upset me enough to cut short my shopping trip and come on here for a moan to get it out of my system.

Sometimes people don't say thank you to me too - it happens to all of us - but surely only a complete prat behaves like this?

At least his friend had the good grace to look embarrassed.

I think it's prattish to not say thank you. We don't limit our thank you to times where people are inconvenienced. It's the fact that they have acknowledged you in that fort of situation ( and haven't just barged into you or ignored your gesture completely)
It's such a small effort to say thanks. The amount of times I am forced to take my baby and toddler into the road because dopey people, completely ignore the fact there is 2 way foot path traffic and it's mainly the females who neglect to say thank you. It's as though they think they are superior and we should therefore get out of their way. I will sarcastically say thank you.
I expect my 3 yr old yo say thank you for heavens sake so an adult bloomin well should.

You were both rude but yes you should have said thank you, it’s manners.

I'd say YANBU not to thank him as he didn't actually do anything much. If he had held the door for you that would be different. Often people wouldn't even have noticed what happened. Although I would always try and say thank you if someone actually opened the door for me.

He was being a prat but you would have been far better to ignite his sarcastic thank you and just think 'what a prat' to yourself rather than responding and then getting upset.

Ignore not ignite!

Everything that sundowners says above.
And I'd have shamed you OP - if I hold the door and don't let it slam in your face then say thank you. It takes no effort and it makes people feel more kindly-disposed towards others during the day and that benefits everyone.

I also laughed out loud at this. What a bizarre exchange.

Just say thank you in case next time. Some people notice more than others. DH never thanks drivers who pull in for him. He says why would you thank someone for something they should be doing anyway? But I think it's really dickish. He's generally a reasonable human being but just thank them ffs.

I once had a bus driver have a MASSIVE go at me when I got on his bus (like properly nasty, calling me rude and ungrateful, raised voice, the works) over the fact that I'd apparently gotten on his bus the day before and not thanked him when I got off. He was so nasty (and loud) that I ended up holding back tears. I couldn't get off and wait for another bus either because I would have been late for work.

I mean, I get that it's polite/good form to thank bus drivers and I usually do but sometimes people are having a bad day (someone close to me had died that week and I was just kind of holding it together).

It was really horrible.

Well, his reaction was somewhat extreme but you were impolite and then sarcastic too. I get pissed off when I hold a door open and the person behind me just sails through as if it’s their due. Manners cost nothing.

IMO that is rude and patronising much ruder than not thanking someone, even

"How is it ruder to encourage the use of manner even if it is done sarcastically than to not use manners at all?"

Of course it is. It's not some random person's right or responsibility to school total strangers in etiquette, or pass comment like that. I imagine he wouldn't - as is so often the case - have said so to a man.

@mondaysaturday, you should have reported that bus driver. The irony of someone shouting and bellowing at you because they don't think you're polite enough. And holding on to this perceived slight from the day before? What a nutter.

Sounds like he was uptight about something and snapped at you because you were there.

If I am not uptight I can take it or leave it if someone doesn’t thank me. If I am stressed I might notice it, but mentally remove myself. I used snap at strangers and always felt really bad afterwards.

It didn’t make anyone feel better, him or you, to react like that.

Of course it is. It's not some random person's right or responsibility to school total strangers in etiquette, or pass comment like that. I imagine he wouldn't - as is so often the case - have said so to a man.

You genuinely believe that it is ruder to encourage manner than to not use any manners? Manners cost nothing and make the world a better place a thank you take no time at all and should not need to be reserved for amazing acts of generosity. No wonder so few children say please and thank you these days if adults dnt perceive their use a daily occurrence and make the effort to be polite for politeness sake.

I don't see how you can say he wouldn't say it to a man, he wasn't even facing the OP. I know many people who would respond with a sarcastic thank you in this situation. Its not based on the gender of the person its based purely on the expectation that the polite thing to do is say thank you.

You genuinely believe that it is ruder to encourage manner than to not use any manners?

Encouraging manners is what you do when bringing up your children. Let's not pretend that passive aggressive comments to complete strangers who may well only have had a rare and momentary lapse in manners is a way of constructively 'encouraging manners'. It's just a way of venting your own annoyance, and makes you look like more of a twat than the person who failed to say thank you. Because they were probably being a bit of an arse by accident, whereas the self-righteous door-holder's rude remark is very much on purpose.

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone
I am painstakingly polite. My children are also. I agree that manners costing nothing and I appreciate them when they are shown to me.
Sarcastically saying "thankyou" and "nice to have manners from a lady" is not "encouraging politeness". It is telling other people how they should behave which is, ironically enough, incredibly rude.

@pinkietuscadero
You're right, in hindsight I really should have, he was very intimidating. It's a bit pathetic on my part but I actually ended up changing my bus route to work to avoid seeing him again.

I would never find myself in this situation, I say thank you to cash points and much to my teen sons amusement when I ask Google for information and she delivers I say thank you.

I think you were as bad as each other to be honest.

When this happens to me I say "No, don't mention it" and stomp on with my day. I would never bother to engage in a follow up conversation.

Well neither of you exactly covered yourself in glory did you? Although quite frankly had you just said Thankyou in the first place the whole thing would have been avoided anyway so YABU.

I always say thank you to people, on the grounds that if other people who don't normally say thank you to anyone overhear the words then it might eventually sink into their consciousness about how to behave in a civilised society. I also use "you're welcome" if someone says thank you to me.

It's an uphill struggle , but I'm an optimist.

Until he called you a lesbian, that could have been my husband. Actually he says “You’re welcome” when people don’t thank him.

Surely in this context the correct response to "Lesbian!" is "So's your missus!"?

I always sarcastically say 'you're welcome' when people dont say thank you. It is a pet hate of mine, so so entitled.

Me too. Massive pet hate.

DH does those sarcastic 'thank you's when he lets another driver through and they don't wave acknowledgement. They can't hear, so it's me that gets the sarcasm. It sets my teeth on edge. I've taken to sighing very loudly every time he does it so we can both be equally annoyed

YABU, rude and entitled! I stood and waited for someone to pass today and they didn’t say thank you and I wish I had done the “you’re welcome” bit. Maybe it was you!

Yes its rude and people should mind their own

others are arrogant no point lowering yourself to the emotionally retarded that don't get how feelings work and oblivious to how they make others feel.

When people do that to me they get a quizzed look which says "excuse me" ??? LOL

Thank you shaming....! Now I really have heard everything 🤣