To think its prattish to "thankyou-shame" strangers in doorways.

[wirlygig]

Like most generally polite people I say thank you when I see people going out of their way to hold a door open for me, unless I'm really distracted. But today, I walked into a busy shopping centre straight after a man and briefly took over hold of the door that he'd pushed open, before the person behind took it over from me. The man in front hadn't needed to pause in any way, but he immediately called over his shoulder "Thankyou!" in a sarcastic voice. I instinctively said "Thankyou" back to him in a similar tone, followed by:
Him (sarcastic): "Nice to get some politeness from a lady!"
Me (ruffled and unimaginative): "Sexist pig!"
Him: "Lesbian!"

I left it there, but it upset me enough to cut short my shopping trip and come on here for a moan to get it out of my system.

Sometimes people don't say thank you to me too - it happens to all of us - but surely only a complete prat behaves like this?

At least his friend had the good grace to look embarrassed.

Ffs "thank you shaming"

How come shaming is getting added to everything, recently?

You didnt say thank you. You were distracted, but not sure that's a reason to not say thank you.

Lesbian hahaha was he 13 and did this happen in 1992?

You were both rude.

YANBU. Of course people should generally say thank you, but making passive-aggressive remarks if they occasionally don't is pathetic and nasty.

What's that quotation... something to the effect of "Everyone you meet is fighting battles you know nothing about, so be nice". The distracted person who forgets to thank you might be thinking about their cancer diagnosis, worrying about their driving test, mourning a relative or just be preoccupied with checking behind them to hold the door open for the next person. People should drop their manners crusade and work on their own empathy imo.

Also, I reckon you made the 'lesbian' bit up to mitigate the fact that you called him a 'sexist pig'.

Just think OP, if you'd said 'thanks' - just that one, simple syllable - then none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be getting lambasted on your own thread. .

Me (ruffled and unimaginative): "Sexist pig!"
Him: "Lesbian

Sorry but you asked for that one!

I probably would have said thank you in the circumstances, even if the first through hadn't had to pause. However, if they'd said "thank you" in a sarcastic tone I'd have replied "no problem!"

The OP was guilty of 'thank you refusal' and is therefore being 'thank you refusal' shamed. Oh dear.

It does rile me up when I'm trying to be helpful and courteous to someone and they don't even acknowledge my existence, but I just think "You're welcome!", I don't shout it at them!

Obviously he shouldn't have insulted you (nor you he) but really, how hard is it to say "Thanks"? It takes less than a second and zero money to do so.

Last comment I promise: it's quite comical that you begin your post by describing yourself as a 'generally polite person' when clearly you aren't .

I wouldn't thank someone who hadn't even paused their stride for me... he didn't hold the door for you really did he, he opened it for himself and you took it from him before it swung shut again.

Neither of you did yourselves any favours with the rest of the conversation, but he didn't hold the door for you, you just walked through a door behind him.

I think the worst bit is him using 'lesbian' as an insult!

You sound pretty juvenile yourself.

You said your polite when people go out of their way to be nice

He literally did this. He didn't have to hold the door for you, but he did anyway to be a nice person. This is literally a textbook example of going out of his way to be nice

Maybe your not a polite of a person as you like to think you are

YABU, just say thanks next time and don't be so rude

You should have said thankyou or nodded/caught eye/whatever to acknowledge
He was an arse to pull you up on it - IMO that is rude and patronising much ruder than not thanking someone, even - but at that point you really should have left it.

Yesss

IMO that is rude and patronising much ruder than not thanking someone, even

How is it ruder to encourage the use of manner even if it is done sarcastically than to not use manners at all?

I genuinely believe a huge part of what is wrong with the world ie. selfish, self obsessed ignorant, reckless behavior- starts at the bottom with children not being taught the importance of manners and people like you OP taking this with you into adulthood.

It shows people who don’t feel the need to say thanks as being selfish, rude and self-entitled and this in turn leads to people who did something- however small a gesture- nice/friendly/polite in the first place so be likely not to continue to so again- which is a big shame and to develop negative feelings towards fellow human beings. Sounds drastic, but honestly, I really believe this!! Whether on the road in not thanking other drivers who have stopped to let you go, to people swishing through doors in self entitled fashion and not even feel the need to mutter the word Thankyou and smile by way of appreciation. Its really not that hard, but makes a big difference.

At least his friend had the good grace to look embarrassed. I’d imagine he was probably cringing at both of you.

You were both prats. You were both rude.

Obviously it’s the polite thing to thank somebody who’s held the door open for you. But have none of you ever had your head in the clouds and accidentally forgotten? IMO acting as the “politeness police” to a random stranger is way more rude than OP’s brief accidental moment of inconsiderateness. Although maybe aggressive politeness is another one of those Canadian/UK cultural differences that I just need to accept.

YANBU. Of course people should generally say thank you, but making passive-aggressive remarks if they occasionally don't is pathetic and nasty.
This. Everyone saying they have always behaved amazingly and would never, ever not say thank you, ... Sorry, but I don't buy it. We all fuck up occasionally. No need for the guy to get all passive aggressive.

It was a bit of a peevish exchange all round but anyone who uses 'lesbian' as an insult is letting the world know they're an A grade homophobic wanker as well as a bit thick. And as for the pp who said 'Sorry but you asked for that one!', you need to work on your homophobia too.

I don't think either of you come across well to be honest.

But he didn't even have to stop to hold it??! He opened the door wide enough for him to walk through, so was holding the door as in pushing it open. OP followed directly behind him yet is supposed to have said 'Thanks' for being allowed to walk in his slipstream?

Yes - if you're stood there, stationary whilst someone is approaching the door and have made time in your day to help, a thank you is pretty much obligatory.. but for simply walking through an already open door - fuck that!

YANBU!

He held the door, which you didn't acknowledge. He was sarcastic, but I'd say you escalated that.

It's rude not to say thank you.
I think you both sounded a bit prattish and childish to be honest.

Not your finest hour - either of you.

Yes, it’s nice to mutter a quick thanks, but he was ott.