To not use a baby monitor... ever?

[MustardScreams]

Dd is 2.5 and I have never used a monitor for her. Obviously when she was tiny she slept with me downstairs and then in my room. But since moving into hers I’ve never had one. Even when staying in my parents much larger house (I have a 2 bed terrace) and in the garden I just popped inside to check on her.

I’ve seen that parents are still using them at 7(!!!) am I in the minority?! Did everyone use a monitor and I’m just a slack mother?! Yikes.

Does it matter? Parents have managed without them for thousands and thousands of years. If you were happy not having one, what the issue?

Flipping heck I’m just asking a question. I was interested to see if others didn’t use them that’s all.

Can we go back to MN of 10+ years ago when you could just post a fucking question without bellends jumping down your throat!

We have a Summer video monitor that we got dirt cheap off eBay. We always had that trained on DS1 and when DS2 was born we just bought another camera and popped it into go room. Now the monitor scans both the kids rooms and they’re 6 and 3!!! It’s very handy. Particularly at night if you think you hear a noise but don’t want to disturb them. It’s also very cute to just look at them when they’re asleep sometimes 😳

Mine is 21 months and still use a monitor because I am worried I'll sleep through if she shouts me and shes still in a cot. When shes in a bed I'll get rid of the monitor. YANBU though whatever works for you

I don’t have strong views on monitor or not, but am amused by the “I've never slept through my baby waking up”. How on earth would you know if you did- you were asleep!

DS is seven months, we use one when he goes to bed before we do, he's still in our room at the moment. I also use it during the week when I put him in his proper cot in his room for a nap and I use that time to get things done around the house. We live in an old house that's quite large, I wouldn't hear DS until he was really crying and is rather get to him before then and resettle before he's wide awake. We have friends with one and for year old boys, they use theirs when the boys are playing in their room to keep an eye on them and the eldest will use it to ask to come downstairs, he knows the little one isn't to use the stairs without an adult.

We still use one at 2.5 but we can’t hear anything from our bedroom which is across a landing on the other side of the house so it’s a necessity. If we were next door, I wouldn’t still be using it.

I didn't use one for my own children but now I foster I do. Not sure where that puts me on the 'slack' parenting scale.

Never had one. I guess they're useful for some but I think they're a bit of kit that the baby gear industry has persuaded people they MUST have. Like top and tail bowls. WTF. Completely unnecessary. And baby baths. And special nappy bins. And wipe warmers! Wipe warmers!

Yes you are a better mother than those who use monitors.

Dear me. There are some seriously defensive people on here.

@Artesia I have definitely slept through her waking. There was one morning I woke up refreshed and said to my husband 'ahhh she must have slept through!' He looked at me in disbelief and said that she definitely hadn't but that I was open mouth snoring and didn't stir at all

We've always used one because we are both heavy sleepers. Only stopped when monitor broke a few months ago - he's 3 now.

Flipping heck I’m just asking a question. I was interested to see if others didn’t use them that’s all

Your question is did you think people thought you were unreasonable for not using one.

I think you are unreasonable for not using one. What would be your response to that?

@HarryElephante I would think you’ve got an opinion different to mine and it’s interesting to hear that. Why is it unreasonable?

MustardScreams

Tbh, if you don't think it's unreasonable, then it's not. What does it matter what I think? We all do what we think is best for our children/our personalities/their personalities etc. I trust you are a great parent. That's all that matters.

My question was really just making a ham-fisted point.

We live in a flat and I still use one for DD who is 3. I figure I'll just use it until the next baby comes in Nov but DP thinks its unnecessary. My worries are:

If we are watching TV we might not hear her
Her room is next to the front door, we live in a nice enough area but I still worry about break ins
If shes got the point that I can hear her crying then it'll be hours for her to go back to sleep. A bit of stirring (hardly ever actually happens) can be settled within seconds.
Even though shes in a bed she wont get out if it without me telling her to so she wouldn't just come find me if she needs me.

I accept I'm a helicopter parent though, in lots of other ways too!

YANBU but I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with. We have used one with our DD since she was 4 months old (now nearly 1) and we still use it for nap times/bed time when we're downstairs. We turn it off at night because DD is in the room next door and we hear her if she wakes up and gets upset in the night.

Yanbu I’ve never used one. My house (3 bed semi) is small enough such that if the baby cries I’d hear it.

I still use one for 4 year old DS1 because he doesn't get out of bed on his own and isn't loud enough for me to hear without the monitor. 10 month old DS2 however is the loudest child I've ever known and have yet to need the monitor for him. We have one for him but its yet to be turned on!

I use one because I am the kind of mother who wants to jump in at the first whimper :o But also have on various occasions left a baby asleep on a normal bed and tiptoed away so you need to run in quick then in case they roll off.

If we are making noise in the living room - music, TV, games, talking, hoover - we don't necessarily hear the baby. I have an audio one with screen so I can answer that brain commentary of "Was that the baby or a bird/neighbour child/something on tv?". It also shows the room temperature, which isn't fantastically important but does help me to decide what kind of pyjamas to put on him which we do in the living room.

I think with DS1 I used it until he was both consistently sleeping in the evening and able to walk to the top of the stairs and shout for me if he wanted me.

"Never had one. I guess they're useful for some but I think they're a bit of kit that the baby gear industry has persuaded people they MUST have"

What a ridiculous statement

Our old house was 200 years old and had very thick stone walls. If DD was asleep upstairs, and we had the TV we wouldn't have heard her at all. Besides, she had medical issues that required immediate assistance.

You need to understand that people's circumstances are all different. If you live in a small, modern place with thin walls with a healthy baby then I should think you don't need one.

There is no need to be morally superior about it.

I had one but only because I thought I should have one (if that makes sense!). If DS cried I could hear him as he was right next door to me and when really small he was in my room.

I also never used a stair gate, locks on cupboards or any other childproofing of the house.

I'll repeat my question - how are you meant to know the baby is in distress if it's away in another room? Crying isn't the only indication. Cot death is silent. Breathing problems are silent, as are vomiting and reflux.

Am I just being stupid here? If they’re silent you wouldn’t hear it on the monitor anyway, surely? And if it’s a video monitor, surely you are asleep at least some of the time, and not watching it constantly?

Artesia well considering DS didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours until he was 2.5, I'm pretty sure I never slept through him waking!