Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not use a baby monitor... ever?

141 replies

MustardScreams · 20/06/2019 22:06

Dd is 2.5 and I have never used a monitor for her. Obviously when she was tiny she slept with me downstairs and then in my room. But since moving into hers I’ve never had one. Even when staying in my parents much larger house (I have a 2 bed terrace) and in the garden I just popped inside to check on her.

I’ve seen that parents are still using them at 7(!!!) am I in the minority?! Did everyone use a monitor and I’m just a slack mother?! Yikes.

OP posts:
ForeverBubblegum · 20/06/2019 23:01

We still use a video monitor at nearly 3 but DS often calls out in his sleep, or wriggles around so much that you would think he was awake if only listening through wall.

When it broke and we tried without for a few weeks I kept waking him up by going in, because it sounded like he was already awake.

Original poster
MustardScreams · 20/06/2019 23:02

@hazeyjane yes in your situation I absolutely would have one. Severe reflux is horrific, will he grow out of it or is it a lifelong thing?

OP posts:
Hmmmbop · 20/06/2019 23:02

We had one but I quickly realised that I could hear him before the monitor picked it up. He always woke crying so I stopped using it as I didn't need to check on him, if he woke I'd hear.

DD is different, she self settles and wakes without crying so I'll probably use one

Whatsnewpussyhat · 20/06/2019 23:06

Used one with first child as they were in own room early on and a great sleeper.

Never bothered with 2nd as she mostly co slept and rarely bloody sleeps anyway!

jollyohh · 20/06/2019 23:08

I was glued to it with my first for years. He had allergies, reflux etc and was a crappy sleeper.

Bought a new monitor with my second as first one had broken due to being constantly used with DC1 and have barely switched it on! Dont even know where the screen is tbh.

Hopeygoflightly · 20/06/2019 23:09

YANBU- works for you and i’m Not sure they’re really necessary, unless you live in a mansion. Even then I guess you’d have staff...

bellagood · 20/06/2019 23:09

Nope we never had one, but when ours were babies/toddlers, we lived in a diddy house. Like this semi-detached cottage on the left..

<

SO we could pretty much hear everything really. If we had had a huge house, then maybe we would have, but we never felt the need for one tbh.

To not use a baby monitor... ever?
hazeyjane · 20/06/2019 23:10

It is probably life long as he has a genetic condition which has reflux as a feature. At the moment it is largely controlled with medication, but he has flare ups which have caused stomach ulcers and bleeding. He is in bed next to me at the moment, propped up on a ton of pillows as I could hear him gulping and coughing, which is often the beginning of a flare up. It could be a long night!!

DameSquashalot · 20/06/2019 23:11

@MustardScreams
I've seen that parents are still using them at 7(!!!)

I don't see the need to ask the question. Use one if you want to, don't use one if you don't feel the need.

Original poster
MustardScreams · 20/06/2019 23:23

@DameSquashalot

Fine. But a 7 year old deserves privacy surely?! Obviously you still need to parent, but physically listening to what their doing in their bedroom is really not ok?

Maybe that is judging parenting.

OP posts:
Original poster
MustardScreams · 20/06/2019 23:24

They’re *

OP posts:
DameSquashalot · 20/06/2019 23:35

Well I guess every situation is individual. There will always be things that you do that other patents don't and things that other patents do that you don't do.

You also said that even when you stayed with your parents in their much larger house you didn't use one. So you're not just talking about 7 yr olds and their privacy.

There are lots of things that I didn't stress about, but there are things that I did stress about that seem silly when I look back, but at the time the stress was real and involuntary.

Some people will use a monitor, some won't. Not using one doesn't mean you're slack and using one doesn't mean anything either.

Anyway, I know I over think everything so I going to leave this now.

ittooshallpass · 20/06/2019 23:37

Never used one. Didn't use stair gates or cupboard locks either. Nobody died. Wink

Nearlythere1 · 20/06/2019 23:59

I'll repeat my question - how are you meant to know the baby is in distress if it's away in another room? Crying isn't the only indication. Cot death is silent. Breathing problems are silent, as are vomiting and reflux.

Historically babies and young children have always slept right next to their mother who would be quickly aware of a problem. It's only a recent thing to have them in separate rooms. Personally I think you're playing with fire putting a baby in a separate room and leaving them to it for stretches at a time, with no way of monitoring, and I would never do it. Babies aren't designed to be left alone, unwatched, full stop.

Charlottejade89 · 21/06/2019 00:13

I used one for a couple of weeks when I moved my ddnonto her own room at 6 months. But after a few weeks of changing the batteries in both parts nearly every day I soon got fed up. I can hear her fine even from downstairs

24hourhomeedderandcarer · 21/06/2019 00:15

same here and kids are 14 and 8

neither have been in a cot,mosses basket or needed a monitor as they were never left alone

when ever they slept i was next to them in bed as both co slept and the 8 y old is still with me

Dieu · 21/06/2019 00:28

I've never used one. Some serious helicopter parenting going on here!

Mumof1andacat · 21/06/2019 00:30

I never used one either

LadyRannaldini · 21/06/2019 00:31

Never used one, not sure if they even existed back then, never had the babies sleep in with us, they slept in their own room from day 1 and had very few sleep problems.

I also didn't feel the need to haul the baby around next to me all day, a very odd modern thing and guess what, we never had any separation issues, they two are a relatively new thing. Is there a connection?

Nearlythere1 · 21/06/2019 00:32

@dieu it's not helicopter parenting to monitor your baby in the way nature intended.

Nearlythere1 · 21/06/2019 00:34

again, @lady, when we were cavemen what were we doing with babies except hauling them around all day? They're tiny and defenceless and need monitored. You wouldn't nip to the shops and leave the baby for 15 minutes alone, so what's the difference with putting it down in another room for hours at a stretch?

Seren85 · 21/06/2019 00:34

Bloody great if you're babysitting and want to use your sister's hottub! Dniece (1) no longer has the breathing clip on her but useful for checking if she's actually awake or just making noise in her sleep. But then they didn't exist when we were kids and we're both alive, we had a dog who slept under the cot and went to wake up a parent if we cried.

Strokethefurrywall · 21/06/2019 00:42

Unless a child has special needs or health complications, I would be aghast at parents using a monitor for children over the age of 4!!!

Nearlythere1 · 21/06/2019 00:58

Yes, sorry everybody, i'm talking about babies and toddlers.

Camomila · 21/06/2019 01:00

I never had one. DS slept in our room till he was 2 1/2 though.