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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to pay for this?

77 replies

CatsOverPeople · 20/06/2019 19:58

DH is a bit of a game fan. Unfortunately the Xbox has taken over his life and is affecting our relationship. He's constantly on it from the minute he gets up (around 12 in the afternoon, sometimes later!) until he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning.

This unfortunately means that all the housework and care of 7 month old DD falls to me. I love her to pieces but I can't even have a lie in because he can't get up with her in the morning after staying up so late.

He has just informed me that his Xbox live subscription runs out in July. The cost of this is £49.99 for the year. He's not working at the minute so I'm the wage earner and once all bills, mortgage, food shops etc are sorted there isn't the money for this. Without the Xbox live subscription he cannot play the majority of his games.

I have a feeling that without the access to online gaming it may spur him on to be more helpful and do more around the house/with DD. So AIBU to refuse to pay the £49.99?

OP posts:
BornInAThunderstorm · 20/06/2019 20:01

So you are working and doing all the house work and childcare? YANBU he sounds like a useless twat

CherryPavlova · 20/06/2019 20:03

Tell him he can pay for his games out of his next wage packet.

Original poster
CatsOverPeople · 20/06/2019 20:04

@BornInAThunderstorm pretty much. He gave up his job in August due to MH and didn't get another. So I had to go back to work in April (3 months before my ML was due to finish) so we could afford to live. We agreed that I would go back and he would look after DD to save money on childcare. I was signed off a month after returning to work due to PND and he now sees this as a ticket to be a lazy sod despite me constantly telling him he needs to help. Don't know how to get through to him.

OP posts:
Untamedtoad · 20/06/2019 20:04

Why isn't he working? Why on earth would you be paying for his "luxuries", when he isn't earning, and it means you and DD may have to go without basics. If there's no reason (medical/physical) why he's unemployed and staying in bed until midday, then he needs a serious talking to, as this isn't normal adult or parent behaviour, and you're suffering as a direct result.

Tableclothing · 20/06/2019 20:05

Why isn't he working?

But yanbu anyway, he should still be doing his share of the parenting.

Nothingsuitsmelikeasuit · 20/06/2019 20:05

Yanbu!

Tableclothing · 20/06/2019 20:05

X post

bridgetreilly · 20/06/2019 20:06

No. You need that £50 for your new hobby which will take you out of the house two days a week, leaving him to look after his child.

Mac47 · 20/06/2019 20:06

You already have one child to buy toys for. Don't facilitate the lazy bastard any more.

Soubriquet · 20/06/2019 20:06

Holy crap you are so not being unreasonable!

Tell him he can have a new subscription....when HE pays for it

CloserIAm2Fine · 20/06/2019 20:07

Why are you with such a manchild?

Of course YANBU! It would be different if he was an active SAHP while you were WOHP because he would still be contributing to the household. But if you’re working, doing childcare and doing housework then what is he actually contributing? Other than being a physical, emotional and financial drain?

BornInAThunderstorm · 20/06/2019 20:07

Well Op I’m a single parent and I do less than you, since I don’t also have a lazy useless twat to feed and clean up after. The only person using an xbox in my house is DS but he has a daily time limit, and helps with chores.

I suspect losing his Xbox will help towards his MH anyway since the late nights and mornings and staring at a screen for hours on end with no exercise can’t be good for him?

ChiaraRimini · 20/06/2019 20:08

Get rid of the lazy waste of space and it will save you far more than £49.99

Tableclothing · 20/06/2019 20:08

No xbox may be the kick up the arse that he so desperately needs.

Spending hours all day on a computer and ignoring one's family is not a usual mental health treatment, because it doesn't make people feel better. He needs to change something - what support is he getting with his mh?

Deadlysinner · 20/06/2019 20:09

Negotiate. Can you pay monthly even if it is slightly more and cancel if he doesn't do enough?

Original poster
CatsOverPeople · 20/06/2019 20:10

I've told him on numerous occasions that he needs to get a job because he can't sit around doing nothing all day then complain about his MH. But I may aswell talk to a sock. He knows he is the problem but refuses to accept it. I've told him I won't be paying for the Xbox and he has thrown the mother of all strips, so I told him to phone his mammy and ask her to pay for it. This was met with a serious glare so I think I have touched a nerve!

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 20/06/2019 20:10

His gaming addiction is fuelling his mental health issues. Kick it in to touch and get him to start parenting.

Soubriquet · 20/06/2019 20:10

Stay firm OP

Runkle · 20/06/2019 20:11

What the actual? He can get up - he just chooses to prioritise gaming, set some v loud alarms to make sure he does and better still make sure you're out of the house early to do something for yourself. Do not enable him any further, your own mental health is important too.

Daygals · 20/06/2019 20:12

So you're both off work due to MH. He's saying Xbox all day Every day and your full time with LO.

Neither of those things is giving either of you a chance to recover. Difficult as it is you need a routine that involved getting outdoors every day (over simplistic but more likely to help than the current set up).

No don't pay

Daygals · 20/06/2019 20:14

OMG so many typos,sorry Blush

Ifeelinclined · 20/06/2019 20:14

Please get rid of the XBox or the husband. Ugh. He's a jerk.

Dec2019mumtobe · 20/06/2019 20:14

I hope you're joking by asking this?

Surely nobody is this much of a door mat

AguerosAngel · 20/06/2019 20:15

YANBU OP! Not a chance would I be paying for his Xbox Live while he sits in his arse all day doing fuck all!

I couldn’t put up with this, you and your DD deserve far better than that lazy tosser!

CustardOmlet · 20/06/2019 20:15

And how much weed is he smoking?

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