Not to pay for this?

[CatsOverPeople]

DH is a bit of a game fan. Unfortunately the Xbox has taken over his life and is affecting our relationship. He's constantly on it from the minute he gets up (around 12 in the afternoon, sometimes later!) until he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning.

This unfortunately means that all the housework and care of 7 month old DD falls to me. I love her to pieces but I can't even have a lie in because he can't get up with her in the morning after staying up so late.

He has just informed me that his Xbox live subscription runs out in July. The cost of this is £49.99 for the year. He's not working at the minute so I'm the wage earner and once all bills, mortgage, food shops etc are sorted there isn't the money for this. Without the Xbox live subscription he cannot play the majority of his games.

I have a feeling that without the access to online gaming it may spur him on to be more helpful and do more around the house/with DD. So AIBU to refuse to pay the £49.99?

You think folding clothes and cleaning the bathroom will keep things ticking over? I know where the Xbox would be if it were my Dh - sold for money to pay for real bills and food. Do not agree to pay for the subscription, despite the fact he probably thinks that him doing chores will mean you will give in. What help are you both getting for your MH issues? That is the priority now so that you can both get back to work.

ifeelinclined obviously i can only speak about my experiences ( everyones issues are different, so i could be wrong) but i have bad MH and i did become obsessed with games also, for a diversion tactic it was great but eventually i found it was hindering other areas of my MH like leaving the house became more difficult than it already was. Having found more of a balance i still suffer terribly with my MH but in moderation i do find gaming as an important part of calming myself.

People find many crutches and i feel like if it was a woman finding a crutch with books, cross stitching or even some kind of intense fitness regime at the detriment of other areas the posters wouldnt be ad harsh.

I suspect the Xbox is not helping with his mental health.
Either he gets more help with mental health and pulls his weight or you tell him there is no money for his hobby .

Wow, what exactly is he bringing to the table, apart from his xbox controller

Tell the bone idle scrounger to get a job

Is he smoking weed?

Sell the bloody Xbox & buy lovely things for yourself.

He’s a complete loser op. Sorry. And this folding of laundry etc is going to last for exactly 3.5 seconds before he’s the same again.

It sounds like you both need to refocus on your mental health and recovery.

He needs to drastically reduce (ie 2 hrs a day) or completely stop gaming, get his sleep patterns realigned to something normal (sleep between the hrs of 9pm and 9am), take on 50% hours of child care and 50% housework tasks.

You need to off load 50% childcare hours and off load 50% domestic tasks and get time and space to yourself. Balance and perspective.

Then you both get back into work and sort out a routine and childcare. That’s what the majority of families do so you can work that out too.

Honestly, if my teenager was behaving this way (in the future) I’d be concerned/livid. But an adult partner?! No way.

My DH doesn't work due to mental health issues. I've just gone back to work full-time after maternity. DH looks after DC, cooks, cleans, does all the washing/drying/folding. At weekends he brings me tea in bed and deals with DC one morning so I can lie in.Yes, he struggles because of his issues but he does what he can. Even when I wasn't at work he was sharing the load with me, taking turns to get up early, letting me rest, food shopping, cooking...

OP, if the gaming is "helping" with his MH issues then that should mean he is joining in with family life. I'm glad he's doing stuff now, don't let him go back to checking out of real life. He CAN do some gaming but still play a vital role in the day-to-day life of the family.

Few people have asked if he smokes weed. No he doesn't. Doesn't drink either. He has no way of accessing weed and knows if I even got a sniff of it he'd be gone, no questions asked (I hate drugs with a passion). I've given him the choice between having a wife and child or having an Xbox, and he says he chooses his wife and child. I've told him if this doesn't improve like now, then the Xbox will be sold (I bought it anyway- something I massively fucking regret now!!!) he's admitted he's a lazy twat and could do more, said he can't blame MH because he's in a better place than he's been for years. He's grovelled and apologised, but has been told he needs to prove his worth as a husband and as a father, because he is missing out on tome with his daughter that he won't get back. I'm going back to work on a phased return within the next couple of weeks so he's got some serious work to do!!

This isn't a question of whether you should refuse to renew the subscription, you literally can't afford it. It's no-brainer.

Well done you!

He needs a purpose. His MH is not going to improve cooped up like he is. In a way it's a blessing he can't afford to pay this subscription himself - it forces him to put the controller down, and live a little. Take a step up, and really be a dad.

Wow good for you OP. Sounds like you’ve given him a wake up call. Hope he keeps to his word so you can have some down time too.

Well done, OP. Hold him to it ... and make sure he understands you're not going to be chasing him and reminding him of his responsibilities. Grown ups already know their responsibilities, shouldn't have to be told, and you don't have the desire to mother him.

Games addict eh?.

LTB simples! any real reason that he cannot get a job now?.

@FrustratedTeddyLamp I've yet to find a SAHM who gets the luxury of sleeping in beyond midday. You can't compare this lazy twat

Good luck OP. Hope the phased return works. I would consider taking the power lead with you when you're at work.

YANBU - ask him to sell some stuff for the cost.

My DP was made redundant a couple of years ago, and despite desperately trying it took a while to find a new job. The first thing to go was Sky TV, which was mainly used for his sports - at his suggestion. He also did all the housework/weekday cooking, again at his suggestion. We were both thrilled when he got a new job, but I do miss having a clean house without lifting a finger! I hope you can find a solution that works, OP.

eugh get rid of him - you will feel much better for it!

do not pay anything for him. How is he a SAHD ? he does sod all?

Good start op, whatever mental health problems he is having cant really be helped by unrestricted gaming
Too much unreality is bad for you
I say this as someone who loves various forms of gaming but has to strictly limit and control my playing because it sets me into a cycle of poor sleep, insomnia and has knock on effects on work, health and relationships, mood and stability.

How can it in any way be worse to be a single parent than putting up with this lazy arse. Why the hell is he still in your house? You would be quids in, less money spent on food, utilities or whatever else this useless blob costs.

Go now and cut off the plug from his X-box or whatever it is. Words are cheap. He needs to show you he means it by actions.

That Xbox would meet with an unfortunate accident involving a can of Coke if I were in your shoes OP.

Stupid advice to say cut the plug off the Xbox. If he has to give it up then sell it and use the money for bills.