Not to pay for this?

[CatsOverPeople]

DH is a bit of a game fan. Unfortunately the Xbox has taken over his life and is affecting our relationship. He's constantly on it from the minute he gets up (around 12 in the afternoon, sometimes later!) until he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning.

This unfortunately means that all the housework and care of 7 month old DD falls to me. I love her to pieces but I can't even have a lie in because he can't get up with her in the morning after staying up so late.

He has just informed me that his Xbox live subscription runs out in July. The cost of this is £49.99 for the year. He's not working at the minute so I'm the wage earner and once all bills, mortgage, food shops etc are sorted there isn't the money for this. Without the Xbox live subscription he cannot play the majority of his games.

I have a feeling that without the access to online gaming it may spur him on to be more helpful and do more around the house/with DD. So AIBU to refuse to pay the £49.99?

I would have MH problems sitting in front of a screen playing stupid games.

He needs to get in the real
World and get a job.

I know MH makes a lot of situations difficult, I am
On anti depressants, work full time, run a house and have a good life because I am not a lazy git.

Christ on a bike! I wouldn't just not renew his subscription, I'd sell the xbox and change the wifi password.

Scissors op.
You need scissors.
Cutting the plug off a games console improves the mh of a man child ime...

How old is he ? This is ridiculous, he gets a job or he gets out

Oh for the love of god please get rid of this waste of space! YANBU.

I bet his mammy does pay for it though

I really feel for you OP, returning to work early to support a lazy fucker is just awful

@Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge the Xbox power cord has found its way into the cleaning cupboard before now! (I knew he'd never look in there)

We've had the chat. He's been informed that I can't facilitate him being a lazy sod anymore, and that he'll have to buck up his ideas or leave. I didn't sign up to be a single parent and I gave birth to one child, not two. He is currently folding up washing and will clean the bathroom when he is finished.

Meantime, I have a bottle of wine in the fridge that looks tempting! Thanks for all the advice x

Hurrah! Long may it continue op. Well done!

Never mind whether you pay for the subscription OP- are you actually happy with mothering a grown man to the point you are working out how to motivate him or trick him into doing his 'chores' and childcare for his own child , and he is asking you for effectively, pocket money. It doesn't sound very healthy or enjoyable and the dynamic is mother and teenage son not romantic partners. His mum isn't responsible for him either- he is responsible for himself.

Seriously, I would not bother with him. Having a child with someone does not also sign you up for this.

If you can't afford it then you can't afford it. Don't break your back to try and pay when he's giving you nothing in return. Sitting on a games console all day won't benefit his mental health.

He’s a waster. This is a good as it gets with him

Just saw your update - good work OP!

Best thing for your bottle of wine is to spill it over the x box electrics

How old is he, out of curiosity? Is he doing much to try to improve his mental health?

Make sure he keeps it up.
I’ve been there before, just a one off effort and then back to normal.

Whilst he should definitely do more around the house and it seems obsessive on the xbox. i feel a bit uneasy about this thread, the man had to give up working due to MH issues and the xbox seems like it could be helping him, just seems strange in a situation where its normally women at home its "all money is family money" but here because its something a lot of MN hates its forget about it when theres an obvious middle ground.

What’s the point of him?

in a situation where its normally women at home its "all money is family money"

That’s because when a woman stays at home she normally does the lions share of housework, cooking and childcare instead of sitting on her arse doing fuck all.

@FrustratedTeddyLamp, what makes you think the Xbox is helping him?? He may very well have MH issues, but he's using the Xbox to abdicate all adult responsibility while OP does everything! I fail to see how the Xbox is helping at all here.

Will his mum pay for it if he asks?

What a lazy fucker. So you’re both off work with MH issues?

Is he doing anything to resolve his? Doesn’t sound like it.

I’d throw out the x-box and have a serious talk to him. Either he shapes up and starts parenting and adulting, he can fuck off.

Does he actually have mh issues or is he using this as an excuse to play on x-box all day? Has he always been like this, or has he got worse?

My experience is that videogames can be a short-term fix but if you don't do anything else they become displacement activities. I've known at least 2 people deny they are depressed but play video games to such excess that they failed their degrees and lost their friends.

Looks like XBOX is displacement activity to me.

xbox seems like it could be helping him

In what way is it helping him? It's preventing him from caring from his daughter, ruining his relationship with his DP, disrupting his sleep, certainly not motivating him to find a job, strongly suspect that it is not doing his social life any favours.