Are they expecting lunch?

[PedroThePonyCowboy]

Fil and step mil ask to visit to see dc, we don't invite them. They stay for about three hours and aren't that helpful/ hands on. They always say they will arrive at 12 o clock. Are they expecting lunch?

'No that doesn't work, we can come to you instead? DC would love to see where DGDad lives'.

Then hope they never invite themselves again in case you say you'll go to theirs.

So, hang on. What we’re trying to do here is find a way for the OP to make sure her child never sees his grandparents? Is that right?

Really do think the two most relevant questions are is DH there as well, and how does DH feel about his DH and his wife?

Two parents and ONE DC? Of course you can manage lunch. It's up to you if you WANT to though

Jesus, I'm stressed with all of this

@BertrandRussell please stop making and giving rational answers like that, it's not what MN needs!

I think the most relevant question is do you want your child to have family who love him outside “my little family”?

Sometimes he is at home or at work. Regardless he can't cook to save his life so it would be me preparing food. It's also me that cleanes the house for visitors.

Why should I not be concerned by their lack of concern over safety? Dc needs watching every moment of the day, he can't be left alone in a room, and he can climb out of the travel cot. He tries to climb on the sofa and dive off of it. I can only make a quick lunch when it just us two and home and constantly watch him from the kitchen, I usually need to stop making lunch to stop him from climbing on something. Sometimes I don't get lunch because he is that much of a handful. I don't need the extra hassle of making sure step mil keeps her hot tea on the dining table

And how does he feel about his DH and his wife? And them having a relationship with DC?

I often see threads on here where people are complaining about visitors not pulling their weight. When I have guests come to stay, I host them, I don’t expect them to do my housework or wash up, defeats the object. Your in-laws are coming for 3 hours ffs make them some lunch, it won’t kill you

this thread is unreasonable

Fucking hell I give up 😂

Get your DH making food, if hes that shit then hopefully they'll stop coming at dinner time

You have made this into a bigger faff than it needed to be. If you won't say anything then don't bloody moan about it

“Fred- could you play with Pebbles for a bit while I warm up some soup? Or would you like to warm up the soup while Wilma and I play with him?”

I would just tell them it's more convenient for them to come at a time when DH is there, surely they only need a quick lunch if it's just a casual visit? Just make the kind of thing you'd normally make for yourself. I think you're probably overly worried. Don't you ever pop DC in a high chair while you're making dinner or doing whatever round the house? I like to have a tidy round if I'm having people over too but I don't think you need to go crazy they can take you as they find you especially as they're family.

And bollocks he can’t cook. If he can hold down a job he can heat up some soup and make a sandwich. He’s just saying that so you do all the cooking. Sort that out.

Maybe it is if they've never bothered with Op & her husband before? But they are now or do you think it's a good idea to keep past grudges up when it looks like they are forming a relationship with the grand children, even if they are doing little at this moment.

Why can't he clean, not sure cleaning for visitors is different to any other cleaning?

hy should I not be concerned by their lack of concern over safety? Dc needs watching every moment of the day, he can't be left alone in a room, and he can climb out of the travel cot.

Can your DH manage to watch the DC or is that also on his list of can't dos?

He tries to climb on the sofa and dive off of it. I can only make a quick lunch when it just us two and home and constantly watch him from the kitchen, I usually need to stop making lunch to stop him from climbing on something. Sometimes I don't get lunch because he is that much of a handful. I don't need the extra hassle of making sure step mil keeps her hot tea on the dining table

Just have them round when your DH is around, he can deal with all these normal stuff that other mothers deal with, whilst you cook lunch!

Sorted

I'm not trying to stop a relationship, but is it too much to think they should visit at a time that is convenient and not dictate when they arrive? Especially since I'm not welcome at their house and they are only interested now they are retired

He doesn't have to be able to cook. He needs to be able to go to the supermarket, buy a cooked chook, a bag of salad, some mayo, some bread, go home crack them open, and spread the bread. While making small talk with his father and his wife. You can kid wrangle, ensuring that child is kept safe. If father's wife puts tea down on the rug, you sharply tell her that you've told her before, that's not where it goes, there's a table, there's a coaster, use them.

That's if DH wants to facilitate the relationship. Because it's up to him.

I just find it so hard to believe you can't cope with 1 child while making sandwiches! I'm a mum of 4 including twins and I just don't get it!

And don't bother cleaning! squirt some cleaner in the toilet, wipe the benches, bob's your uncle.

But no, you don't have to have them for lunch if you don't want to. But DH or you will have to make it clear that's not on the table.

Why don't you just invite yourself round like they do to you?

Or

When they say they are coming say your busy? You will advise when is best for you?

or they could visit at a time that isn't lunch time? Why should I prepare lunch for people who say I'm not welcome in their house? People who never bothered to have any relationship with the dc until they retired.

Are you Kate or Meghan?

BLOODY TELL THEM THIS THEN!!!!

Christ almighty! It isn't hard

What do you expect when you say fuck all or tell them it's not convenient.

I cannot get my head around this at all

It's not the hassle of making lunch it's the making an effort on people whose home you are not welcome to visit ever. In 10 years of being with dh I have never stepped foot inside their house.