Feeling uncomfortable about amount spent on classmates birthday party

[Worstparty]

I've name changed as basically I think this is very identifying as I can't imagine anyone else at all doing this... I'm keeping details obscure (sorry) because Daily Mail.

DS has been invited to a birthday party which I consider hugely (actually grossly) expensive. From what I can fathom the whole thing including 'party bags' is coming to a cost equivalent to a years school fees. We aren't at a 'destination' private school and most parents are fairly ordinary, although does include some 'rich, rich' families but I've never felt any huge difference between families.

How would you handle this? We are really not well off and the party is something we would do as a once a year holiday. I feel very uncomfortable as every other child's party is going to seem bad in comparison. My feeling is to explain to DS that we aren't as well off and wouldn't choose to spend our money like that. I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

It’s none of your business what people choose to spend on things including parties. This is more about you feeling like you can’t keep up than them.

Unless it's costing you money for your dc to attend (beyond a gift and any petrol to drop off ) stop worrying, if someone what's to spoil their kid why worry. Dd has been invited to swanky events, it's a hazard of being at "posh" school, for her birthday it's a party at our house and Domino's

And remember there may be a back story ... Parents who leave the kids in the care of the nanny, absent father, etc

It's possible the family are going on a trip that coincides with the birthday and invited another child or two along. It might be their annual holiday and it's generous of them to invite other friends of their dc. I doubt it's the whole class heading to Florida.

Parents who leave the kids in the care of the nanny, absent father, etc
And what exactly is wrong with that????

Let him/her go. My son (now 18) had some friends who are very well off, and spent thousands on 18th parties, bought them brand new minis on their 18th etc. He is perfectly aware (and has always been) that some people have lots more money than others. It's not a problem.

Are they going to Disney or is it a Disney themed party? Have they paid 20k for Idina Menzel to belt out Let it Go in the local hall?

These threads where people give minimal info and then fuck off bugger the hell outta me. So unnecessary.

My dd is almost 11. I was talking to someone, who said when his dd was in yr6, parents got very competitive and did increasingly extravagant parties. This was state school so no mega rich. But the last one of the year consisted of pony rides, 4 bungee jump trampolines, a disco and an entertainer.

Don’t worry. You don’t need to compete. This guy continued with parties at home. Just buy a present, turn up and watch your ds have lots of fun.

Just don't bloody bother posting in the first place if it's such top secret info.

Well it's all relative isn't it,I can't afford private schools, and unless I win the lottery it's doubtful I ever will and we are not going on any kind of holiday this year,not even our usual caravan type holiday but that's life some people have more money than others and can afford to be more extravagant than others .

Dd2 has a friend she's an only child v generous wealthy parents her parties are amazing things.

I say oh isn't x lucky having such generous parents what an amazing party have a good time

It's fine. Why wouldn't it be fine?

@Worstparty???

So it's a Disney themed party in a posh hotel. They are NOT going to Disneyland Paris.

Can you please confirm OP?

Wheres this idea coming from that they're going to Disneyland all of a sudden. The OP said theyre having a Disney party in a hotel. Where did she say they're going to Disneyland come from or did I miss something

Tell ds that this is an expensive party and most people can't afford it, so he's very very lucky to be part of it.

Children aren't stupid. Theycan, and do, understand that there are disparities in disposable income from family to family. If you make sure he knows this is a one time thing and he's lucky to have this opportunity, then why would you keep him from it?

I wouldn't worry about children comparing parties. Many primary school children think differently from adults. I remember one girl I had in Brownies for 3 years. In that time she had by been on 3 Brownie holidays/camps, lots of sleepovers, trips to the museum, tried archery and fencing, lots of crafts and badges etc,. When asked what she had enjoyed best about Brownies she replied after some thought 'Playing leapfrog with my friends'

So it's a Disney themed party at a hotel? FFS.

You say you're not at a "destination" private school but he's still at a private school isn't he? You talk about prep.

Well I guess this is the sort of thing which happens.

I would have concerns about adult/child ratios but otherwise accept this is the sort of world you chose to put him in.

I'd be happy with an experience party, such as if they can afford to pay for ten children to do something that other parents might only be able to afford for their own child to do as a birthday present. I would hate anything unnecessarily over the top or wasteful though.

I remember Gwyneth Paltrow getting a roasting for saying British kids parties are crap- that the richest parents in London would still have jelly and ice cream in a damp church hall 🤣

I find your concerns really interesting - a rich parent wants their child and their friends to have some sort of amazing experience and you are making this about how you feel? Talking about judgemental! Does that mean you judge people who have cheap parties like parties at home? Kids enjoy parties whether its a trip to Disneyland or a home sleepover - its who they are with that counts. No-one is going to expect or want to compete with a party as expensive as this. The fact you think people will think this party will dampen other parties says something about how competitive you are.

So you're just a being sniffy about what's an appropriate amount to spend on a kids party?

Ds has been to loads of parties we would never in a million years throw him, not once has he ever even asked for anything extravagant.

Let your kid go and be happy he gets to do something fun with his mates and stop counting other people's money/party bags

@3luckystars 😂 😂 'not doing a carol'