Feeling uncomfortable about amount spent on classmates birthday party

[Worstparty]

I've name changed as basically I think this is very identifying as I can't imagine anyone else at all doing this... I'm keeping details obscure (sorry) because Daily Mail.

DS has been invited to a birthday party which I consider hugely (actually grossly) expensive. From what I can fathom the whole thing including 'party bags' is coming to a cost equivalent to a years school fees. We aren't at a 'destination' private school and most parents are fairly ordinary, although does include some 'rich, rich' families but I've never felt any huge difference between families.

How would you handle this? We are really not well off and the party is something we would do as a once a year holiday. I feel very uncomfortable as every other child's party is going to seem bad in comparison. My feeling is to explain to DS that we aren't as well off and wouldn't choose to spend our money like that. I feel like this amazing party is actually going to rob the joy from the whole class for the year.

Why not just be pleased at the experience your child is going to have?

I guess there is a line for everyone right where you think it's too extravagant?

the line is putting yourself in debt.
As long as you can afford it, nothing is really too expensive. It's a choice.

It's parents like you who are making it a competition, not the ones who have the funds to organise something you judge "extravagant"

Now if it's not practical, it's another issue, but your OP is about the money spent.

I wouldn’t be bothered about it being at Disney (Presume Orlando not Paris) as a theme for a party or how much it cost if I wasn’t paying for it but more about supervision when they are there.

Agree I know how tough US immigration are and I doubt you can waltz through with 1/2 dozen children who don’t belong to you

Slightly different but I am from a very ordinary, one parent family and attended a private secondary school (on a bursary scheme) where I had some very wealthy classmates. I was quite naive about money and therefore always very surprised by the extravagance of some of their birthday parties. I don't ever remember feeling jealous or inadequate though, just that I had a great time and thinking how amazing it was that I'd even been invited!

OP unless you have any safety concerns, there's nothing to worry about here. Your DC will not expect Disney holidays every birthday just because their friend had one. It won't make anything you experience as a family any "less". It's likely they will just come home with some amazing memories, as I did.

Parents can't actually win can they? They throw an extravagant party it upsets people, they have a party in a hall with finger food and a crap entertainer and it upsets people.
Why not just be happy your child has been invited?

To be fair rhe op didn't say they were going out of country.

I recall rhe most extravagant one I went to. My daughter was about six.

Swimming pool party in the families own outdoor swimming pool.
Team of about six nannies brought in to handle rhe kids.
Numerous face painters, magicians, jugglers, entertainers, etc all roaming around making them laugh
Farmyard animals and their handlers there, from little Shetland ponies to mini goats etc
BBQ with steak prawns, champagne, mocktails etc for the adults as we sat and watched our little darlings having fun. BBQ done by professional chef. Bar staff filling drinks.

Did she have fun, yup. Was it any better than the next girls party at the local community centre with pass the parcel and a kids entertainer. Nope. She Loved them both,

What did they actually do for £100k?

@DramaRamaLlama ** Has it nailed

One where every child was given themed outfits for sleep over with monogrammed initials for each child. Venue fees alone can be £10s of thousands and the ads in catering, entertainment, multiple photographers (with free prints included for the attendees), animals, flowers, balloons. It's madness but I would love to go to one!

You need to remember these people aren't shopping round and finding the best deal on food etc. It's the best of the best which costs.

I actually don’t understand what the problem is.

You don’t have to pay? Is it the spending money you’ve to provide? Do you not want him to go because your other dc aren’t going?

Genuinely confused.

Sounds fabulous! As long as the travel arrangements etc were all secure, I would let my DC go!

I wouldn't be happy with my primary school child going to Disney as part of a party. It's too far away and if be worries about the supervision and the chances of a child getting lost in such a large, busy place when part of a large party. I don't think it is worth the risk and think it an inappropriate party for a primary school child unless they are just taking 1 or 2 close friends on the trip.

I totally get where you're coming from op. I'd obviously let my son go, as I believe you are but there's certain things I like to do with my children first.

A family Disney holiday is a big deal to most families and won't be the same if he's been with friends before.

Lol at the poster pretending that she thinks it’s Disney Orlando! 🙄🙄🙄

OP, a child in my DC's class had a £30K party. It was great. Everyone loved it. The children had no idea of the cost; only the adults did.

Another way to look at it is this: the birthday child is privileged and probably does a lot of things most children don't get to do. How to make the birthday party stand out as extra special then? Invite friends. Your child going will help the birthday child to have an even better time, which is precious, because you never know what might happen further down the line.

My DC's friend had family issues which resulted in the birthday child leaving the school, and going from a life of privilege, to one on a budget. I think children should enjoy whatever is offered whilst it's available. If afterwards you want to explain that their family are very lucky and have more money than you or your other friends, that's fine. It's not hurting anyone. But money concerns are adult issues, and shouldn't become a child's issues.

I have previously splashed out at Alton Towers, this was with family, but with tickets, food, and whatnot - I also purchased the line skipping tickets for all 10 of us. Probably about £800 for the day. Another adult was very uncomfortable with the cost (mainly the queue jumping) as she thought the didn't want her children getting used to thinking themselves better than everyone else. I did it as a) I had the money, b) it was a special occasion (although didn't make a song and dance), c) it gave everyone an amazing day.

I think sometimes it can be difficult when people do this, as it's hard to give kids a sense of proportionality, how much stuff costs.

Just send your child to the party!

He’ll have a great time and you’re not paying for it.

OP
Just embrace it and enjoy knowing your son is having a wonderful time.
There's always someone richer and more extravagant. They are happy to do this for your child and friends.
Just be yourself. Thank them properly, even mentioning how very kind and generous they are.
The value may be a drop in the ocean to them and all the children's happiness is a gift to them.
(I speak from experience)

When you say ‘at Disney’ are they actually going to a Disney park? I.e abroad?

Well I am totally confused.

If this party is a Disney party not at Disney Land then the only other type of Disney party I can think of wouldn’t cost the amount of money op is thinking it would cost.

Don't understand the issue. Why do you need to 'have a conversation' about it? Unless your dc raises any questions or issues I'd just say 'wow, what an amazing party, lucky you!'

If your issue is that it will 'rob joy' from the entire class, imagine how much joy will be robbed from your child if he or she is the only one not allowed to go because his mother has some weird ideas about Disney.

Honestly Disney isn't a once in a lifetime experience, well it can be and often is for some, but I doubt very much any child won't love yo go back and do the same experiences again. I certainly did.

@3luckystars "I'm not Carol"
😂😂😂

Op can you clarify - are the kids going to a theme park in another country (if so wtf??) or are they going to the Disney store in a local shopping centre?
If they are going abroad how old are they?

Also want to know whether they're going to Disneyland Paris or what exactly? How many of them?