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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

551 replies

FirstBabyOnTheWay · 19/06/2019 14:59

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

OP posts:
Pasgaddi · 19/06/2019 17:02

If you've worn your shoes outside they'll almost definitely have bits of bird poo and dogshit on them. It's gross to spread that around the house.
I'm amazed that pp 'don't believe' that a carpet can be ruined by stomping muddy shoes all over it! Even if it's not permanently stained you're making someone scrub the carpet after you. Why not bring a marker to scribble on the walls too!

Frankola · 19/06/2019 17:03

I'd just smash her in the shins to be honest.

She probably won't come to the house again.lol

Jokes aside, slippers?

CassianAndor · 19/06/2019 17:04

Joan you're seriously suggesting DH should carry his bike through the house? Down a narrow doglegged hallway? Twice a day? DD too, when she's cycling to school?
And what makes you think I'd be arsed mopping floors all the time? My hallway doesn't need to be sterile.

honey nope, not me. Soz!

I'm on my phone so can't find the other comment aimed at me, sorry.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 19/06/2019 17:05

The queen would have the manners to take her shoes off having noted everyone else had.

No. She really wouldn't. I assume this wasn't a serious suggestion.

bridgetreilly · 19/06/2019 17:06

Get proper doormats so she can remove the dirt but keep the shoes on.

Pasgaddi · 19/06/2019 17:07

Or am I the only person whose young kids play on the living room floor? (And all other floors)

speakout · 19/06/2019 17:08

I wouldn't ask visitors to take off their shoes.

Many do, but I understand a lot of people don't like to do so.

Some people may be embarrased by smelly feet, crooked feet, bunions etc.
I know my own mother would be mortified if she was asked to take off her shoes- she hates her feet and would feel uncomfortable to pad around in socks.

But then I don't have carpets in the hallway,and I keep several mats behind the front door so people can wipe their feet.

What do people do that have cats and dogs?

Pasgaddi · 19/06/2019 17:08

Absolutely nothing weird about carrying a bike through a hallway either Hmm

CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 17:15

Joan you're seriously suggesting DH should carry his bike through the house?

Errr yes everyone I know who has to take a bike through the house does that. Unless DH is disabled he'll mange fine!

doskant · 19/06/2019 17:16

No problem @CassianAndor. Here it is again:

Okay CassianAndor. Reverse it then.

OP goes to MIL's house. Traipses mud through the place and ruins her carpet. Doesn't offer to clean it. Comes back in and traipses mud over it again. Still no remorse. Continues to do it despite MIL asking her not to. The OP jokes about silly MIL and thinks she's mental. Who is ruining the relationship in this case?

LakieLady · 19/06/2019 17:17

I hate being asked to take my shoes off in people's houses. I have lots of shoes and take care to pick the shoes that look best with whatever I'm wearing. If I'm wearing heels and trousers, I'd be tripping over my trouser hems if I took my shoes off. Plus I'm a grown up, I wipe my feet on the doormat and don't tread in dog shit.

Bit outing but one of my SILs insisted on shoes off. They'd just renovated a property and had cream carpets, and it was just about to go on the market, so I reluctantly agreed.

I was coming out of the kitchen bit of the huge kitchen/diner/family room with a glass of red wine in hand, and my socks slipped on the polished marble floor. I went smack down on my arse and my red wine went all over the carpet.

SIL moaned like mad, and frequently reminded me that it had cost her £X to have the carpet professionally cleaned. I pointed out that that was less than it had cost me in chiropractor's fees to have my back sorted out (not to mention 6 months of pain). I value my spine more than I value anyone's carpets, I'm afraid.

I would also refuse to remove shoes without a written undertaking that there is no Lego, small toy cars, or any other toy that hurts when stepped on in the house!

A decent doormat and a Dirt Trapper type runner will prevent filthy carpets unless someone's walked through a slurry heap in their shoes.

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/06/2019 17:19

I had 8 visitors last night (arriving separately ) each one took their shoes off automatically, I didn't even think about it until I read this thread, it's just normal practice where I live. The downstairs is laminate flooring too.

perplexedagain · 19/06/2019 17:20

I hate shoes in the house. People tread in all sort of stuff including dog and bird shit and then bring it onto carpets and stuff. I now provide cheap slippers from Amazon. However MiL refused to wear the spa type so I went out and bought her more supportive ones that she keeps at ours

perplexedagain · 19/06/2019 17:22

And for those that say doormats take off all the muck, no they don't, look at the bottom of your shoes sometimes

ArtichokeAardvark · 19/06/2019 17:24

I can see why it annoys you, but I REALLY wouldn't get too precious about your new carpets with a new baby. You will have milk and posset stains all over any room the baby spends time in. Take a deep breath and just plan to get the carpet cleaners in regularly. (Missing the point entirely Smile)

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/06/2019 17:25

And for those that say doormats take off all the muck, no they don't, look at the bottom of your shoes sometimes

Better yet, lick them Grin

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/06/2019 17:27

I don't expect people to remove shoes in my house, it is entirely up to them. I have wooden floors though, they are easily cleaned. I have been asked to before because of light coloured carpets and that is perfectly fine. I always ask too if I am in somebody else's home. However, I was a once a little bit annoyed to be asked to remove my shoes at a cocktail party in a house that had tiled floors, adults all dressed up in evening wear, women in heels etc. It just seemed such a strange thing to do. It was warm and dry too. I felt very put out that my outfit was ruined by the fact I had my ugly big feet out!! I guess that may be unreasonable but I think it was over the top for a group of middle aged adults and I would rather have known in advance and would have dressed accordingly!

GreenTulips · 19/06/2019 17:28

Anyone else see this advert

Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/06/2019 17:35

"And for those that say doormats take off all the muck, no they don't, look at the bottom of your shoes sometimes"

They really do, though. Enough not to mess up carpets

The fragments of birdpoo brigade seem unhinged to me. Why not go the whole hog and get a disinfectant footbath like they used to have at swimming pools.

cuppycakey · 19/06/2019 17:37

If you wouldn't lick the soles of your shoes, I don't want them on my floors thanks very much, especially with little ones crawling around.

If MIL won't take shoes off/won't wear slippers or overshoes then she wouldn't get in my house.

Peaseblossom22 · 19/06/2019 17:44

I hate all this ‘ my house, my rules’ I was always brought up that you always put your guest before yourselves . In fact you always think of others first . Even if that means you are inwardly dying . No one ever said on their deathbed ‘ I’m glad no one ever comes to visit me because at least I can die with clean carpets’

I would never traipse mud through the house but tend not to take my shoes off unless it’s obviously a shoes off/ clearly culturally necessary or I know my shoes are are dirty. You would see me with pedicured feet in Spain however in this country if wearing shoes and socks my feet are often smelly and I am ashamed of them , OP your MIL may be the same.

I was also brought up to believe that asking people to take shoes off was a definite class indicator , same as saying serviettes rather than napkin, toilet not loo, or holding your knife like a pen etc etc . I am not saying this is right but when it’s been ingrained in you it’s difficult to shake.

Isatis · 19/06/2019 17:46

Cream carpets with a baby around? Are you mad?

StrawberrySquash · 19/06/2019 17:46

I have dodgy feet and wear supportive insoles and am generally not keen on being out of shoes too much as it can cause foot or leg pain. But I take them off if asked. Also in other people's houses you tend to not be doing tonnes of walking and standing. But I once had to go and put them back on after a couple of hours standing on parquet.

saraclara · 19/06/2019 17:49

then if she's lovely don't be a knob about this.

That. If she's lovely, then there's a reason that she's uncomfortable about taking her shoes off. Maybe she's afraid that her feet smell? Being rude or mildly aggressive to someone who's lovely, just doesn't seem right.

And yes, I'm not a shoes off person. Some visitors take them off, some ask and I tell them not to worry. I have a cream carpet, and mud isn't an issue. The carpet is seven years old and still looks great. I have a good door mat, and it gets a shampoo annually. And to be frank, how many people have to walk through mud to get to someone's front door? It's all pavement around me, so even if it's raining, it's not an issue.

saraclara · 19/06/2019 17:50

I hate all this ‘ my house, my rules’ I was always brought up that you always put your guest before yourselves .

Also that.