Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

Your home, your rules. If she doesn’t want to wear slippers, she won’t be invited to yours. Simple.
Make sure her son tells his mum.

I am quite happy to take my shoes off elsewhere unless you have hard floors, I have problems with my ankles and can go over on them very easily so it is completely barefoot or shoes on hard floors
( I really don't want to go completely barefoot anywhere else) as I value my ability to walk
last time I twisted my ankle because of the problem it took 9 months before I could walk more than 1 mile, that time it was a simple slip on a tiled floor in socks so my rule is I only take my shoes off in carpeted houses, anyone who does not understand this I don't visit but then no-one has ever had a problem once I explain
Not sure why people want people to take shoes off if they have hard floors as it is a known slip risk with socks/tights on hard surfaces also your feet would get cold

and without any relation to shoes, don't get cream carpets downstairs with a child

pmsl at @saraclara @nannyred xpost

I wouldn't want to lick the soles of many people's feet either, or their sweaty socks.

Ask her to remove her shoes and if she refuses, hand her these.

If she won't put them on, then you should say she can't come in.

Joanyou're seriously suggesting DH should carry his bike through the house? Down a narrow doglegged hallway? Twice a day? DD too, when she's cycling to school? erm yes! If he can be arsed cycling he can be arsed carrying the bike. Dd too unless you want her to grow up to have a dirty house too.
And what makes you think I'd be arsed mopping floors all the time? My hallway doesn't need to be sterile

Ergh this just makes me think you live in a hovel. Why would you not mop??

Did she not see the mud she'd trod everywhere on her way back out of your house?! I'd be mortified if I trod mud through someones house! Mind you, I always remove my shoes unless told otherwise by the occupants.

Family are not guests. They’re just family, and equal to me, not superior somehow just because they happen to be at my house today...

(I don’t ask people to take their shoes off at my house, this is just a general point)

I hate all this ‘ my house, my rules’ I was always brought up that you always put your guest before yourselves.

What a (literally) doormat-ish attitude. My BIL didn’t have to look at the oily mud he’d walked in on his shoes after he’d gone back home, nor did he pay for a new carpet. I did because it was my house.

Of course you make guests feel welcome and comfortable but not to the extent that they disrespect you and your property. Where do you draw the line? Give your silverware to a guest who admires it?

@FirstBabyOnTheWay’s MIL is showing her zero respect or courtesy, having already walked mud and dirt into the OP’s house. Guest or not, that’s just plain rude.

Your house, your rules.

I've never offered to take my shoes off when visiting someone, you'd probably all hate me The only time I've done it was at a Muslim friend's house. It does seem such a small thing to fall out with someone over.

I'd probably rather have mud in my house which will dry and can be hoovered up than ingrained sweat from feet. I used to work with someone who took her shoes off at work and walked round our carpeted office with bare feet. Revolting.

I read something today saying that shoes on inside a house is better for building up a baby’s immunity rather than spotless carpets. Some people don’t like showing their socks or tights. I would never insist on asking them to take their shoes off.

My DM has had toe surgery and doesnt like to not wear shoes. At my house (which is a shoes off house) she brings her house shoes to wear and changes when she arrives. She told me last week that she has started to do this at her house too and it has cut down on the amount of hoovering and mopping she needs to do.

So before MIL comes over next time try “Dear MIL, could, you bring a pair of house shoes to change into when you come to visit us. Or if you would rather, I can buy a pair and you can keep them at our house, what is your shoe size?”

Don’t let her in

Your whatever/your rules

What a horrible attitude to life

Dont you own a doormat?

A doormat is useless at removing faeces particles from shoes.

*faecal

why are people so bothered about faeces particles?
the plastics fibres in the air from manmade fabrics and the ingredients of Zoflora etc are way more detrimental to your health

Shoes are for outside. Slippers are for inside. I would never be so rude as to not even offer to take my shoes off at someone else’s house. Their home is 100% more important than my ‘need’ to wear manky shoes indoors. 🤢
Stand by the door and hand MIL slippers and don’t move til they’re firmly on!

Shoes are for outside. Slippers are for inside.

Not always. Some people's homes are more "formal" than others, or more of a "working" environment for public rooms.I have both friends and relatives where taking shoes off indoors - while visiting for lunch for instance would be very odd.

My home is my castle. I pay an astronomical mortgage for my small terrace house.

The least I can demand is that visitors don't bring shit into my house, however small the particles.

Bloody hell what a palavar over a pair of shoes. No wonder there are so many dysfunctional families around when a carpet is more important than relationships.

OP you will have a baby, then a toddler, then a child, then a teen. Your carpets are going to get dirty. Invest in a really good coir mat outside your front door and a magic mat for inside and a carpet cleaner. Or better still don't have carpets. Falling out with family over this is ridiculous in the extreme.

@speakout

If a person has offered to take their shoes off, the onus is on the homeowner then to say yes please or don’t bother which is fair enough. In this instance, OP has politely requested that MIL take her shoes off and she’s completely disregarded that request which is beyond rude. If that’s what you do in your own home then that’s fine but it’s not what everyone does... when in Rome and all that.🤷🏻‍♀️

Of all the nasty little mean spirited phrases in the world, “my/your X, my/your rules” is one of the nastiest and mean spirited.

However, of course people should take their shoes off if asked. Or offer if not asked. Particularly if there’s a crawling baby about.