Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl well no they don't sterilise them but they do get the bit of mud or rain off that is going to cause a problem to the carpets.

Wooden floors don't need shoes off, OP. And can be cold. YABU

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 19-Jun-19 16:14:37
Do you all take shoes off as the norm going into anyone else's house?
I ask, "shoes off or on?"

Thanks, I'll definitely go with "shoes off or on?" from now on. No one's ever asked, but then reading the thread I started thinking I bet I've been annoying folk without realising.

Just go for wooden flooring. Easier to keep clean and saves a lot of angst. When your baby starts crawling and toddling it's likely that there will be spills and dirt made on any carpet

Put slippers waiting for them in the porch and don't open the main door until they're on.
Anyone who treats a muchloved relative or guest that way doesn't deserve any visitors.

Buy her a pair of shoes or slippers to keep at your house. Make sure they meet her needs in terms of arch support etc.

We are a shoe off household. No shoes off, then you are not welcome. Never had an issue with it.

FIL has a pair of slippers here, Great Aunt and Great Uncle bring their own, we provide a place to sit and a shoe horn if needed.

Re your MIL she doesn't get to go upstairs. I don't know why people think you have to justify this.

My Mum went to a Grammar school in the 1950s and they had outdoor shoes and indoor shoes as part of their uniform.

i would be making him lift up the bike.
Uh huh. I'm not a jerk, however - and it's his home too. Bikes, buggies, shoes, cats (damn, should get cat slippers, right?) - all come through and it's not a problem.

MrsTP Happy If you're going to ask 'shoes off or on' then you're pressurising people already. If it's not a problem don't ask!

Thanks, I'll definitely go with "shoes off or on?" from now on. No one's ever asked, but then reading the thread I started thinking I bet I've been annoying folk without realising.

Probably not. In pretty much all the houses I've visited with the rule, they've told me. The only one who didn't was a lovely Japanese woman I visited with work who insisted it was fine, I took them off anyway and she visibly relaxed. I think she desperately wanted me to feel comfortable at her expense (I was doing her a huge favour) but really felt weird about it. It's the equivalent of walking on people's beds/sofas in shoes.

MrsTP Happy If you're going to ask 'shoes off or on' then you're pressurising people already. If it's not a problem don't ask!

That's when I visit, not on the way into my house. In my house, people know to take them off.

we don’t wear shoes indoors. To me, it’s dirty. I take a pair of clean socks everywhere in my bag so I can pop those on if I don’t want bare feet in someone else’s house.
If it’s a party or an ocassion when people at have chosen the or shoes as part of the outfit, I suck it up. Otherwise, it’s shoes off please. I think it’s quite usual.

Electric you've never had a problem because your guests are politer than you. No-one in RL would know I have a problem with it. I, however, know all the people who aren't bothered about their guests' comfort.

People need to RTFT. Op already tried buying slippers for MIL and it didnt work. Op, its very rude of her not to respect your house rules and I think you and DH are being too polite with her. You just have to say "We have a new house with new floors and we want to keep them clean-unlike our last house, so please take your shoes off at the door". Have some slippers as an option for if she says bo but dont just accept no, challenge her as to why and then respond accordingly

cassian why is asking someone to lift up a dirty object rather than dragging it across the floor being a jerk? its having some common sense and saving yourself a job of mopping the floor twice a day!

it would be a massive problem for me because i don't want a dirty house.

It really isn’t the same as walking on beds or sofas in shoes. Floors are made to walk on - in shoes. Do you take your shoes off at work? In a hotel? A restaurant? So fucking precious.

do people who wear shoes in their own house never put their feet up on the sofa?!

No.

I think it’s quite usual.

Only within your social circle. It isn’t at all usual in mine.

I've been in plenty of houses both ways, and plenty where it's visitors choice. Personally I err on shoes off, but I don't worry if I'm carrying the shopping through to the kitchen or something.

Traipsing mud though - that's incredibly rude! Whether you're in a shoes on or shoes off house!

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl of course but not with my shoes on.
I usually head upstairs not long after I come in and put on my slippers.
They slip on and off nice and easily for me to put my feet up if I want to.

Looks like you missed my question @CassianAndor. Here it is again.

Okay @CassianAndor. Reverse it then.

OP goes to MIL's house. Traipses mud through the place and ruins her carpet. Doesn't offer to clean it. Comes back in and traipses mud over it again. Still no remorse. Continues to do it despite MIL asking her not to. The OP jokes about silly MIL and thinks she's mental. Who is ruining the relationship in this case?

Missed the second last sentence out of the first question so I've added it in here.

Thoughts?

Anyone excited to read OP's thread in a few months where she's asking if she's BU wondering how to get neon yellow baby poonamis, vomit and stale milk out of cream carpets and the gaps in wooden floorboards? 😂

Your house, your rules! It's a complete lack of respect on her part.
Don't ask her to take her shoes off, TELL her to and if she refuses, tell her that she can't come in. Your are the boss in your own home x

She’s not worried about upsetting you though. Think about that.

You forget you will have a new bargaining tool. She won't storm off in a huff for long, as she'll want to see the baby. Stand firm and be polite, but assertive.