Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

My DD is currently on week 5 of a 6 week community placement as part of her nursing degree.
She is visiting up to 6 homes a day with a health visitor doing new baby checks etc.
I have just asked her about shoes.

None of the health visitor staff have offered to take their shoes off when visiting homes, and none of the familes have asked the nursing visitors to remove shoes.

Seems it is not a thing at all.

If she is lovely and you can, ask her why she doesn't.

"I am really sorry to bring this up, but our new carpets are cream and we cannot get mud out of them."

"Look! We have purchased non-skid slippers for everyone! We will keep yours right here by the door, under your chair (so she can change them while sitting down) so you can change you dirty shoes before going upstairs. I dont want the baby crawling on muddy floors "

congratulations on bew home and baby.

New. Not bew

I used to run a business from home, and I really wanted to ask the clients to take their shoes off when they came in. Often they would ask if they should take their shoes off, and eventually I got in the habit of asking them to take their shoes off, and most were obliging. Then one day I asked a rather bossy older lady to take her shoes off and she wasn’t happy. I explained it kept my carpets clean. She retorted with “my feet might get dirty from your carpets, don’t know what I might catch “ 🙄

Perhaps she has six toes

Get some shoe covers, your house your rules

I think it's one of them things where some people don't mind and others do I hate people wearing shoes on my carpet I think it's so rude and I am getting better now at shoes off at the door, if I go to someone else's house I ask them. It's just a shame at paying thousands for carpet then someone to tred mud and other nasties thought out the home.
Reminds me of my dads dad he's a right cretin and my mum had bought a nice sofa for their first home when I was a baby and he delights in telling everyone how he sat down so hard on purpose he snapped the frame inside. He was 19 stone just to piss her off

It's bloody stupid to have cream carpets. Carpets are for walking on.

@exaltedwombat Why can't people have what they like? Why should people walk shite through their floors when they don't even live there

Just to remind people- the amount of dirt is exactly the same regardless of the colour of the carpet or the composition of the floor......

You're not at all unreasonable about the shoes off rule.

However, this is batshit:
Not even sure how I will tackle the 'please would you mind washing your hands before holding the baby'. Too frightened to even go there... I think my DH family all think I am crazy. My friends and family on my side think I am being reasonable though.

You need to work on your OCD tendencies. The baby is going to present many challenges for you unless you get on top of this, and your anxieties are going to have a negative effect on the baby if left untreated.
Too frightened to even go there...
You need to 'go there' and grapple with this.

Wrt the shoes, I like the idea of offering her a choice of either slippers or shoe covers.

You are going to have to deal with what the rest of the IL family think and say about you. Stick to your guns. Develop a thick skin.

Maybe deal with your anxiety about how others react in a therapeutic setting, if it is keeping you up at night. You seem to be in the grip of quite a lot of anxiety, over lots of issues.

Is it possible your MIL has picked up on your OCD tendencies and is trying in a clumsy, blunt force way to force you to confront them?
Same goes for your ILs?

Keeping the house pristine for the sake of the baby is misguided and I personally would roll my eyes at that because you are simply wrong about exposure to dirt and germs.

If you have talked with these people about your preoccupation with germs in the context of the baby then I suspect they are trying to teach you something. They are right in what they are trying to teach you, if that's what they are doing, but not right in the way they are going about it.

Keeping new, light coloured carpets clean as long as possible is a valid concern however (imo).

Though it might have been smart to choose a colour that is a little darker, given the fact that a baby-toddler-small child will be living in the home, but you live and learn.
(Speaking as a mother of 5 who bought a couch that was upholstered in cream...)

You will never eliminate all grime and germs from indoor flooring, but you can minimise it.
All family members remove shoes and sometimes visitors, but it's not a big deal.
80% of feet have no oudtddor shoes on and most of my downsatirs space has hard flooring.
Dogs sometimes visit and I own two cats, if the odd visitor keeps shoes on I can't get worked up about it.

Wow, you lot are still at it...

Wearing shoes in the house and being a Mumsnetter appears to be almost mutually exclusive, you can't do both

Strangely fascinating!

Ask her why she wants to traipse mud around your house! Ffs why not just say....take your fucking shoes off!

I have no friends or family that have ever asked me to take off my shoes when visiting.

I must inhabit an alternate universe.

God no.

I asked someone to rake their shoes off once & they replied "Why is that?"

People need to raise their standards I say.

I don't see the point of ruining or marking something needlessly. The carpet will have to be replaced more regularly and it's just a waste.

At the end of the day, from what's been written it sounds like it comes down to control. I don't understand the mindset of someone who could appreciate that her walking in, in dirty shoes creates permanent marks and damage to something and upsets both her son and daughter in law and STILL insists or tries to insist on doing it. I'd be mortified, and would never want to do it again.

As far as all of the comments on class, it seems significantly more classless to be making statements like that than anything else. It's just another way to look down on people or to have a little disparaging dig. Not very pleasant really - just another way to try to put people down or make yourself feel better, but does it really? It screams of insecurity to me quite honestly.

I'd explain to her that you're sorry but previously your carpet got marked by people walking on it in shoes (you don't have to be specific that it was her, just that it happened) and you really want to prevent this happening again as it's a new home and you're proud of it. She could pick whichever she's most comfortable with - easy enough to bring a slip on pair, flip flops, Toms, gym shoes, structured slippers, something similar to Mahabis would be ideal. Any kind of indoor shoe or slipper. Personally wouldn't go for those plastic things because I'm not sure how safe they are. Anyone who disrespects your wishes and goes on to actually damage your property - because that's what it is - I'd question their motives.

I speak as someone who had their hall carpet damaged by a dear friend. I've never mentioned it to him, but I make sure now that shoes are removed outside. I don't want to look at that every day when I take great care in looking after my home and the things in it are precious. Not everyone can afford to replace carpets. I have to look at that every day, it's obvious and it was needless. Of money is tight and you really take care of your home and try to look after it as best you can, of course something like that is going to affect you.

May be about control, may be about not being able to take her shoes off easily or needing them for support to walk.

Buy slippers or those disposable shoe covers tradesmen wear and say non negotiable! The risk of illness is low (www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/wearing-shoes-house-bacteria-hygiene-health-infection-disease-home-a8292811.html), but it is not nice for a baby / child to be crawling around on dirty floors. Yes people say good to be exposed to germs, but it is just not nice to have dirty shoes walked through your home unless it does not bother you. I found my son licking the floor once so always used that as my reason for no shoes! Also say that she did ruin your previous carpets, that is not acceptable when a home owner asks you to remove shoes.

I think disposable shoe covers are better as if there are issues with taking off her shoes, then she does not need to.

I don't ask people to remove shoes in my house and honestly I wish I did. I put down a lovely light grey carpet in my living room that is now ruined. Been running a carpet cleaner over it every night for a straight week and I still can't get the mud out!

My kids have to have slippers at school as their indoor shoes...

Jesus I cannot imagine asking anyone to wear those shoe covers. How hyacinth can you get?

Steam cleaning carpets gets most stains out. Mud off shoes will pale in comparison to what a baby chucks everywhere

I’m with you 100%. I’m a no shoes person. But she must be self conscious for some reason so slippers or overshoes are a good idea. I will also look for a link I saw for some clever overshoes....
Having said all that, I read in the paper that we should wear shoes inside as it helps with our immunity!

Disposable shoe covers?

OMG. Do you people have any actual friends?

Tell her if she doesn’t take them off she doesn’t come in! My MIL once put her feet up on my sofa with her shoes on! Safe to say it was the last time she came in with shoes on her feet!