Mother-in-Law insistent on not taking off shoes...

[FirstBabyOnTheWay]

MY MIL is lovely, she really is and we have a great relationship but whenever she comes to ours - in wind, rain, sunshine - she will not take her shoes off.

Once, she trod mud through our house and the carpet is still brown in that area - it had been raining horrendously.

We are about to buy a new house, with all new carpets and have a new baby due in August.

My DH asked her to remove her shoes but she won't... I don't know what to do? I am actually having the entire bottom floor done in wood because I am too terrified of her messing the carpets up as she destroyed our old ones. (They were filthy and a carpet cleaner wouldn't bring out the mark).

I don't want shoes in the house with a new baby and we show her round the top floor will be cream/beige carpets!

How do I address this? We are allowed shoes in their house and they have carpets from before my DH was born!!!

HELP... AIBU??????

I prefer people to take off their shoes. I wouldn't ask them to. If they made a mark on the carpet I'd hand them the Dr Beckmann with a passive aggressive smile.

Don’t you all find my anecdote odd that a child free home was shoes off and now there’s an almost crawling baby, it’s shoes on? Because I confess I do.

doskant well, I would assume that the MIL won’t mind as she’s clearly not a shoes-off person.

I’ve read the OP’s posts again. She says her MIL is awesome apart from this one thing. I don’t think this one thing is worth falling out over, not for the reasons the OP gives. I repeat: If she invests in decent doormats and hall runners (I don’t know if she had such things in her previous house, she hasn’t said) I don’t see the problem. But I’m clearly not as pernickity as some (still laughing my tits off at the idea of DH carrying his bike through and me rushing around mopping up after him - err, I’m out at work! Seriously, if you saw my hallway you’d realised that in short order there would be chunks out of the wall and bannister, it’s that narrow and with a bend. He would look at me like I’d grown an extra head if I made such a mental suggestion, and he’d know it would have come from MN too). I mean, I chose my living room rug on the basis that if I knocked over red wine or tea on it, you wouldn’t be able to tell (which I have done, frequently). The varnish on my hall floorboards is quite dark. The cats trail mud in all the time. DD crawled through all that with no problems at all, fit as a fiddle. Obviously if she had health issues that would be different, as with anyone - but she doesn’t.

But my issue is more with others on this thread. So many of the comments, especially the ghastly ‘my house my rules’ are deeply inhospitable. Impossible to read them any other way. It’s not a request, it’s not people asking. It’s an enforced order. That is not hospitable.

I have a child. I also have cream carpets (here before I bought the house). My child has not ruined my carpets at all but even if he did it would have been an accident, not a grown adult treading mud in. Door mats don't solve the issue either.

Pram stays in hallway/porch/whatever space you have by the front door. I don't understand the posters who seem to wheel theirs around the house.

I'm not overly fussed on shoes in my house but it does annoy me when I've had people over who wear stilettos as I've also got real wood flooring and you can see heel marks in places.

I don't ask people to take their shoes off but I do prefer it when they do.

Oh OP. You've got a baby coming in August ffs. Your MIL not taking off her shoes is going to be the least of your problems.

Next year you'll look back at this and realise how silly it was to worry about your MILs shoes when you've got a toddler destroying your house.

lady what a load of all rubbish. Not everyone lowers their standards when they have children.

Just Hoover after she's left

Make sure you have somewhere to sit as well as slippers in your hallway if you are a shoes off household. Lots of people can't easily take their shoes on and off standing up and won't want to say so.

JoanMavis, it's not a question of lowering standards. You can have the highest standards in the world and still not be able to prevent a baby projectile vomiting over your spiffy cream carpets.

and still not be able to prevent a baby projectile vomiting over your spiffy cream carpets

On is intentional - one isn’t

Sally back in the 50s when stilettos were all the rage, women could buy these little plastic covers for the metal stilettos called Dinky Heels, so that their shoes wouldn’t ruin parquet floors!

isatis of course you cant, but you can stop your MIL traipsing mud through your house.

You dont have to accept having a messy dirty house because "its ok the baby is gonna puke on the carpet anyway"

Why not prevent any mess you can? Your house doesnt have to descend into chaos on birth of a child.

I've had two kids and I've only had puke on the carpet once. That was easy to clean up unlike mud.

I hardly think someone wearing their shoes indoors is “descending into chaos”.

As someone with stank ass feet, you don't want me to take my shoes off at your house and I dread when people ask me too and never ask others too. However, when asked I do, and try to wash my feet in a bathroom hopefully before anyone says anything. But it is mortifying, especially at parties and I hate being asked to remove my shoes, especially as I'm always very respectful and conscious of if they are dirty or not. Your MIL was rude to wear dirty shoes in your home, but I will say I agree wholeheartedly with @CassianAndor that it isn't a hill worth dying on, and it is more polite to let your guest choose their indoor footwear, while still being rude of the guest to disregard your preference which is usually pretty clear.

The point is that even stocking/bare feet are dirty. Athletes foot, verrucas, fungal infections, all of which are more prevalent when you have children. Some people have smelly feet that won't leave a mess but you can't see the smell. There is no way of keeping carpets clean forever. Just ask your visitors to make sure they wipe their feet properly. Really good doormats can take care of most things or a hall runner like my granny used to have.

A doormat outside, and another inside.

All this removing shoes, and insistence about it is so precious.

"precious"?

Well then, most of Asia and a ton of Europe are precious then.

Just because you don't do something doesn't make it "precious" ffs.

In our house, if you don't take your shoes off, you're not coming in. I paid thousands for my carpets and I will not have them ruined by anyone.

Yeah, friends and family are pretty worthless in comparison to carpets, aren’t they?

In our house, if you don't take your shoes off, you're not coming in. I paid thousands for my carpets and I will not have them ruined by anyone.

Lovely. Possessions are so much more important than people.

It’s almost like carpets aren’t designed to be walked on, my understanding was always that was the entire point of them.

They arent designed to be walked on in dirty shoes though are they!!

A dirty carpet makes the whole room seem grim to me. And yes you can clean them regularly but why not avoid them getting filthy to start with?!

Is anyone getting Hyacinth Bucket vibes?

Remember when her friend was terrified to even pick up her cup of tea in case she spilled it?

I don't understand people voluntarily having light carpets. It just seems like a magnet for stains!

How old is MIL? My dad is arthritic and struggles to take his shoes on and off easily even in his own home and chair. He would take them off if asked but I know he's already worrying about which chair he can sit in and get back out of - and I think being able to take off and put shoes back on is on his mental worry list too. Could it be that, that's causing her to refuse?