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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

432 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 18/06/2019 13:40

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

OP posts:

phoenixrosehere · 18/06/2019 21:59

People rarely say anything to me. I grew up in a small city that had great public transport. I had a learners permit in secondary, but moved to a major city for uni and lived there for seven years so permit expired during that time. Moved back to my parents’ house to help them out with my grandparents for a year and then moved to England to a city with the train to London pretty much on my doorstep as well as a supermarket with the town centre barely 10 minutes away. I lived there for a few years and moved to another city with even better transportation links and amenities all around and the town centre an easy walk away with more being built near me. I have two small children and have no issues getting about with them without a car. I’m glad to not have the extra stress on me. Plus, seeing the way many drivers drive makes it less and less appealing.

My mil doesn’t drive and hasn’t for decades and neither do a few of my relatives. As long as you have decent transportation links and the necessities close by, it’s not difficult to live without a car. Public transport like the train tends to get you to places quicker than driving anyway.

ChicCroissant · 18/06/2019 22:00

RomanyQueen

It was funny watching the drivers squirming when petrol was rationed years ago and given to essential users only.

Completely untrue, this didn't happen!

BloggersNet · 18/06/2019 22:04

It's depressing! I'm trying to learn but the cost is so high and very few automatic lessons available. So it's taking years. Fed up with driver friends harassing me about it especially as it won't impact on them as I never ask for lifts and rarely accept them either. We're walking distance to most places and use public transport to go everywhere else. Taxis or uber if needed.

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:05

If only there were other methods of transportation than cars, eh?

Good luck getting to a lovely part of the countryside or the beach on a Sunday!

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 22:07

Good luck getting to a lovely part of the countryside or the beach on a Sunday!

I’ve been doing that for years, but thanks for the good wishes I suppose.

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:12

Well you are lucky then. The beaches and countryside we go to are nowhere near a railway station. But i live very rurally. I suppose if you don't mind never being spontaneous then its fine.

Grumpymug · 18/06/2019 22:16

(in fact I get a bit annoyed by drivers who feel the need to keep insisting I need a lift when I am perfectly capable of transporting myself).

And ^ this ^ is an issue too. People insistent that I am in need of a lift when I'm perfectly capable of sorting myself out. How do they think I cope in the rest of my life without their oh so essential driving? Why do they think I can't possibly get to or from the same place they're going to just because they happen to be involved in that particular trip? I imagine that they think I'm saying no because I'm being polite, I'm really not, I'm saying no because I'm independent and perfectly capable of getting where I need to be, day in and day out, under my own steam. Perhaps if drivers stopped treating non drivers like that, they'd feel less put upon?

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:18

I feel sorry for non-drivers, but obviously it's their choice to make.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 22:18

I suppose if you don't mind never being spontaneous then its fine.

I can get to the lovely countryside by walking 10 minutes down the road. That's fairly spontaneous in my book.

My life is not massively limited or stuck in a city because I can't drive. But if it makes you feel better to think that it is, then that's your call I suppose. I can't imagine what you get out of it though - I wouldn't swoop down on people who can't walk and say "good luck getting down steps in that wheelchair!"

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:20

I seriously can't imagine not driving. I'm asking genuine questions. The only people i know in RL who don't drive are disabled with partners who drive them. I can't imagine not having the freedom of a car.

QueenofPain · 18/06/2019 22:20

YANBU to not want to drive.

However I do sometimes see real life situations or posts on here where people seem be making their lives so much harder because they don’t drive. Needing to trek on three buses to deliver kids to activities, etc. It all sounds like a logistical bloody nightmare and a waste of time and headspace that could be used on other things.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 22:24

I'm asking genuine questions.

'Good luck getting to a lovely part of the countryside or the beach on a Sunday!' is not a genuine question. 'How do you get to the countryside or the beach on a Sunday?' would be, but you didn't ask that.

Borisdaspide · 18/06/2019 22:25

Drivers often assume that it must be impossible to get places, even when it's relatively straightforward.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 22:30

yes exactly Borisdaspide. Public transport is pretty ropey where I live but even our patchy service can get me to a beach on a Sunday.

givemesteel · 18/06/2019 22:32

I have friends who are non-drivers who fall into two categories -

Those who don't have kids and who live in London next to decent transport links and so really don't have to.

Those who do have kids and inevitably pull less of their weight with family/household related chores, whether it is the school run, doing a shop, dropping kids off at weekends or when with friends not taking their turn when lifts are being shared.

I don't have a problem with the former, good for them, but I do have a problem with the latter.

Obviously op maybe you make up for non driving in other ways, it's just that the people I know who don't drive don't seem to.

Personally I think driving is a necessary skill (even if you don't always own a car) because you don't want to be dependent on someone else. Ultimately it sounds like if you divorced your husband or he died you'd struggle with certain aspects of parenting, which does not sound ideal.

There was a thread recently about an older couple and leisure time... I couldn't help thinking that a big part of the issue was that the wife couldn't drive.

Quintella · 18/06/2019 22:32

I'm asking genuine questions

You're not. You're just needling.

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:34

Drivers often assume that it must be impossible to get places, even when it's relatively straightforward

It is actually impossible to get to loads of places without a car though. That's not me being a bit dim about public transport (i lived without a car until i was 35) that's a fact, at least where i live. My life, and my children's lives have expanded much since i learned to drive and bought a car.

growlingbear · 18/06/2019 22:42

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

Well you'd be wrong. Many people can't drive because they have epilepsy. Or severe dyspraxia which means their hand to eye would make them unsafe on the road (that's me.) I'm not stupid. I teach post grad at one of the leading unis in the world and have led pioneering research projects. I got into Oxford from a crap state school. When DH was made redundant, I took on extra work before and after school and in the weekends, so not lazy either. But perhaps you haven't the imagination to work out how anyone might possibly be different from you. Bit lazy and stupid of you, really.

Justbreathing · 18/06/2019 22:45

How many people who drive really honestly jump in a car on a Sunday and find a secluded little part of the world to hang out.

I can do that easily without a car, it takes a very small amount of planning. If I want to go really wild I walk, a proper wild walking/camping trip.

Most people I know use a car for irrelevant trips. It would be nice to sometimes not have to plan, but it’s not a few grand nice.

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 22:46

How many people who drive really honestly jump in a car on a Sunday and find a secluded little part of the world to hang out

Erm, lots of people

Bobblebop · 18/06/2019 22:52

I don’t drive as I have terrible distance vision due to a congenital eye condition. Not a problem for me at all I get around fine, maybe it would be easier to drive now I have a 2yo but hey that’s life. We won’t ever live in the countryside.
My dp is actually a professional driver, he loves it so much I was nervous to tell him on our first date that I couldn’t ever drive! Luckily he’s not a dick, didn’t care and is happy to drive us as needed. I pull my weight in other ways!

Mistigri · 18/06/2019 23:00

Drivers often assume that it must be impossible to get places, even when it's relatively straightforward.

This.

Plus, the money that most people spend on their cars would buy a lot of taxi rides.

I haven't driven for years due to a disability. I could buy an adapted car but I don't need to. I live near a train station and I have no trouble getting where I need to be. I use trains, cycle and walk; book a taxi if I need to.

someoneontheinterweb · 18/06/2019 23:00

I don’t drive and neither does my husband. I’ve always been terrified of it, and since I’ve always lived in places with good public transport and I don’t mind walking, it’s not a problem. DH is slightly different in that he’s had eyesight issues in the past and couldn’t have a license, and now he’s cleared to drive he’s had a few lessons but hasn’t followed it through because there’s really no need to spend the money on it.

We’re realistic and if we ever had kids, he’d definitely learn to drive, and I’d consider it. That is really the only reason we would ever spend money running a car though. We don’t need it for work or visiting family. We occasionally get lifts with family when visiting, but that’s always a kind gesture and not something that’s necessary. A friend drives us to our hobby thing once a week, but that’s because it suits him to eat with us first rather than because we need it. We have plenty of nice days out on the train, and although there are some places you can’t get to without a car, we’re happy going to the places we can go.

Everyone says they can’t imagine not having the freedom of driving. Well you don’t miss it if you’ve never done it, and I certainly feel like I have enough freedom.

(Also, I’m not stupid, and I’m don’t live in London for all those who say that’s the only place you can live without driving)

Justbreathing · 18/06/2019 23:03

@Fibbke
Funny because the only person I know who might do that once in a blue moon is my nephew. Everyone else seems to plan things long in advance.
But perhaps that’s just the people I know

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 23:03

If you are getting taxis, isn't that just driving?! I mean, if you can only get there by car then you can understand why driving is kind of important?

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