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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

432 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 18/06/2019 13:40

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

OP posts:
Namenic · 18/06/2019 19:47

It kinda limits what you can do when the unexpected happens eg driver in the family gets ill/goes away on business. Limits how much you can help out relatives and generally reduces flexibility.

But whatever works for different families...

ScreamingValenta · 18/06/2019 19:48

Good job it's a well known fact that people's circumstances never change, and life never deals out any surprises.

Would you expect people to learn every single human skill that exists, on the off-chance they might one day need it? Assuming in this example that the non-driving is a choice, the person could choose to learn if his circumstances changes or his life deals out a surprise that renders driving useful to him.

NotACleverName · 18/06/2019 19:50

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

Sorry I can't afford to learn to drive. I hope this doesn't offend you too much.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 18/06/2019 19:52

@ScreamingValenta why are you having a go at me for the Venn diagram?? I wasn't the initial poster who came up with it. I was only explaining to coffee who, from the way I read their post, didn't seem to grasp that in a Venn diagram there will be areas that don't overlap ie you are in one category only (non driver) and not the others (useless at life / expect others to help).
Do I have to draw a diagram to explain a diagram? Hmm

justeatasalad · 18/06/2019 19:55

I don't think non drivers are lazy or weird but I do think that they think that it's nothing to drive . Yes it's easier than public transport but sometimes I don't want to go out at 10pm on a Friday night to pick you up (dd I'm talking to about you ) .
It gives us independence and as a driver for a bit over 10 years I get why drivers think it's odd that non drivers don't learn although I do except not everyone is cut out for driving or can't for health reasons .
I couldn't drive when both my dc were young , I walked everywhere in all weathers or public transport. The sense of freedom you get when you past your test it's great, to go back to not driving I'd hate it. If my car has been off the road I've hated it and I work a short commute away . Learning to drive was literally one of the best things I've done for myself.

ScreamingValenta · 18/06/2019 19:58

I didn't mean to single you out @GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap - I realise it probably looked like I was aiming at you and I'm sorry for that; I phrased my post badly.

I was making the point to everyone on this thread who has cheered the Venn diagram on and said how true it is. But it isn't - it's one of those faux-clever ways of presenting information that are so beloved of people who hold bigoted opinions. As I said, try changing 'non drivers' for people who have made other lifestyle choices, and it suddenly sounds a lot less witty.

Namenic · 18/06/2019 20:05

We know people who can drive but only rent a car when (occasionally) required. But agree - it is expensive to learn and many won’t be able to afford it. Hopefully self-driving vehicles may help - so taxis may be a bit cheaper for occasional use.

HappyNOTdriving · 18/06/2019 20:20

I mentioned the venn too.

I don't actually think it's true but I do think it covers what a lot of people apparently (no matter how ridiculous it is) think!

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 20:24

it's one of those faux-clever ways of presenting information that are so beloved of people who hold bigoted opinions

Good old mumsnet Hmm

Justbreathing · 18/06/2019 20:34

if the majority of the population drive, then I would assume there were a lot of fucking stupid lazy idiots behind a wheel.
It’s not rocket science to drive - even the dimmest of the dim can manage it, as we can see on this thread.

sockatoe · 18/06/2019 20:54

If you manage to function in life and get yourself where you need to be without being chauffeured about then happy days! Unlike my unemployed relative who needs a licence in their chosen line of work but refuses to get one

foreverchanging19 · 18/06/2019 20:59

I didn't learn to drive until well into my thirties. I rarely needed a lift off anyone, walked, cycled or happily used public transport, occasionally I'd need to use a taxi but didn't mind paying as and when I did..

I'm now significantly more lazy now that there is a car waiting outside the house, read fewer books that I used to and am that bit poorer as it costs so much more to run and maintain.

Teddybear45 · 18/06/2019 21:03

If you live in a city with lots of local amenities you probably never need to drive. If you’re living in the middle of nowhere where the nearest shop / school / hospital / surgery etc is 20 miles away and there’s only two buses a day going remotely in that direction then you probably do.

I have dyspraxia and it took me years to learn but I did and driving was freeing in ways I didn’t think possible before.

Rainonmyguitar · 18/06/2019 21:04

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

What a shame for you (sorry).

Bumper1969 · 18/06/2019 21:12

I don't drive and never ask for or expect lifts. Nor do I rely on an op as I single.
Am very competent house owning, highly paid and funded my MA and PHD.
I'm shocked to see comments here.

Lifecraft · 18/06/2019 21:13

It’s not rocket science to drive - even the dimmest of the dim can manage it, as we can see on this thread.

When my kids were learning to drive, and needed a confidence boost, I would often say "you see those thick as pigshit guests on The Jeremy Kyle Show, nearly all of them can drive"

That did the trick.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 21:15

It takes some serious mental agility to believe both that driving makes your life 8000x easier, and that non-drivers are ‘lazy’.

hoxtonbabe · 18/06/2019 21:34

This thread is most odd. I can only assume the posters protesting that non drivers don’t drive because it must be purely down to laziness must either not live in London or live in London and be quite well off to be happy with the endless charges to park on your road, congestion charge ( which is going to widen soon to the point you won’t even be able to drive your car to do school runs, play dates etc) and sky high insurance. My son can drive, heck he even has a car but you’ll be lucky to see him drive it more than 3 times a month.. it’s so pointless when in London, especially where I am, he’s so fed up with it all he’s selling it in December and not bothering with throwing his money down the pan on something he has no real use for

I’m perfectly fine with my number 38 bus thank you.

Rainonmyguitar · 18/06/2019 21:37

It takes some serious mental agility to believe both that driving makes your life 8000x easier, and that non-drivers are ‘lazy’

Grin Excellent.

booksandcaffeine · 18/06/2019 21:42

I don't drive... It would be nice to learn though. However, I live in a city so transport links are very accessible.

Fibbke · 18/06/2019 21:46

If you don't drive, and don't ask for or expect lifts, then surely your world must be tiny? Or do you just never leave the city?

user1471590586 · 18/06/2019 21:46

I couldn't imagine not being able to drive. I would never be able to get my kids to their activities; I can't rely on my husband as he often works away. How do you do a food shop (particularly frozen food) on public transport? Do you have it delivered?
The other advantage of both of us driving is that when we go out as a couple or as a family we can take it in turns to drink. I know someone who doesn't drive and her husband always has to be the one on the soft drinks which seems unfair.

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 21:52

If you don't drive, and don't ask for or expect lifts, then surely your world must be tiny? Or do you just never leave the city?

If only there were other methods of transportation than cars, eh?

53rdWay · 18/06/2019 21:55

How do you do a food shop (particularly frozen food) on public transport? Do you have it delivered?

Yes, if it's a big shop. But I think I'd do that even if I could drive because I hate slogging around the supermarket. Smaller things come home in backpack or bags or (at the moment) bottom of the pram. It only takes me 15 minutes to walk home.

The other advantage of both of us driving is that when we go out as a couple or as a family we can take it in turns to drink.

And the other advantage of neither of us driving when we go out as a couple/family is that we can both drink! Grin

Grumpymug · 18/06/2019 21:55

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

Well I don't drive. I'm so lazy and stupid that I've managed to hold down a ft job, bring up a child to 16 with good GCSE grades predicted, alone. Organise and pay for training to further my career, have a hobby, not rely on shopping delivered, go on holiday most years, even if only for a weekend (financially restricted though, not transport) and I quite honestly cannot remember the last time I had a lift anywhere from anyone. It may have been after minor surgery actually, and even with a license, I would have needed a lift.
I've spent thousands, failed my test 5 times now and I'm not willing to throw any more money and time at something I'm clearly not very good at.
So take your assumptions and shove them because one aspect of my life does not give a full picture. (Sorry)