DH and work issue

[ILoveEurovision]

I'm starting a new job when DS turns 1 year old. The rest of the team will be based in London and I will be working remotely from our home town . DH has only earned a few grand a year for the last few years doing freelancing and we rely on my salary. DH is going to stop freelancing to be a SAHD.

I'm meeting with my new boss tomorrow and said to DH that I was thinking about suggesting that if they wanted me to, I could be in London for the first week to settle in and get to know people. My parents are in London so I thought DH and DS could stay with them. They have a large (by London standards) house. My parents have bought a cot and other baby things so it wouldn't be too much hassle to travel.

DH has said no. If I need to stay in London for a week I should just go and leave him with the baby in our home town. He said I can express milk. He doesn't like seeing my parents and doesn't want to travel.

AIBU to be extremely upset? I feel I've been supporting him for years and he doesn't support me in return. I feel I never get to see my parents either and have taken to Skyping the. When DH is our because he moans about them (they are polite to him).

^ this with bells on

You need to get rid of this prick as fast as you can: he is abusive. Not just 'selfish' or 'thoughtless' but abusive. His behaviour is calculated: he wants you ground down to the point that you are a wholly compliant servant and a money-tree.

Take baby to the GPs and enjoy your week. When you get back tell him that in no uncertain terms that he has to study for a new career whilst he is a SAHD and that by the time DS starts school he better have a decent F/T job

I'm sorry your DH turned out to be a selfish twat.
I hope you read this thread regularly so he doesn't change history. And write down anything else he does like this so that he can't try to gaslight you any more.

Controlling arse. I see major problems here OP

Controlling, gaslighting, manipulative, emotionally abusive twat. The only thing you need to work on is getting away from him. He's very classically abusive and he will re-write history because that's what narcissistic EA people do. The tears are for himself, not you, because his free ride and emotional doormat might be in threat.

There's nothing to save here but yourself and your son.

Do NOT let him be a SAHP.

Take the job. Tell him you're taking the child with you to your parents as he needs his feeds, and leave him before he utterly destroys you so you're eating out of his hand, because that's what he wants.

Even if he did magically change personality overnight, he still did all those awful things and gave no fucks whatsoever about you.

Cut your losses. Could you and baby move in with your parents? Sounds like it would be a handy location for work. Stop funding him lazing around, stop being his slave, stop being his emotional punch bag. No man is better than a bad man.

I'd be booking a nursery place for when you go back to work. The SAHD idea has disaster written all over it. Do you really think that's the best thing for your DC?

And your H is being abusive. Slowly, stealthily he's writing his own script and making you follow it.

Your recent conversation hasn't changed one single thing.

Take your DC to your parents when you start work and stay there.

Sorry he just sounds completely awful if he being a stay-at-home dad proves to be exactly how you think it will be i.e. him being lazy and unsupportive he's got to given a kick up his arse back out to start work again

He will never change. It's sad you say you realise you have been gaslighted but believe things will be different from now on after your chat. He is humouring you for now!

That whole update was him trying to gaslight you and change your memories of the past.
Get a childminder sorted for the baby, tell him if he is so invested in the family he can go find a job, if he's commited to providing he'd flip burgers for a living.
He want to have his cake and eat it too. He'll be a pretend SAHD he'll go to the gym, drop baby at the childminder, sleep a lot, see friends, do bare minimum housework, ie, nothing helpful. Then he'll use it all as a stick to beat you with.

And YY about finding a childminder.
He is an abusive cocklodger and you dont want to be facilitating that. Even less to end up in a situation where he might be the RP and you will still have to fund his lifestyle....

YABU - personally I;d take the opportunity to focus solely on work without the baby into tow. How about a compromise where he comes for a few days?

I give it a week before he's back to his arseholian ways.

This is who he is.

Jesus he is a nasty abusive cunt. Please please please leave this man.

OMG get away from him!

@Hopeygoflightly perhaps read all the OP updates before commenting?

Hopey is hopeless - RTFT