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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and his ‘Day Off’

126 replies

Likepebblesonthebeach · 17/06/2019 16:54

My DH works hard, 5am starts, 6 days a week. This has been tiring him out recently. He is not on a contact and can be fired without notice at any point. It’s stressful not having any security.
He decided to take today as annual leave to do his hobby with a friend away from our home. The friend flaked and DH is pissed.
We have two very young children. DH decided he isn’t helping today at all as it’s his ‘day off’. He wouldn’t help this morning with breakfast & dressing and has spent the day in the kitchen on his hobby. He is also in college tonight for this hobby so I’ll be doing bedtime alone.

AIBU to think I’m married to a selfish prick? I don’t get any days off in life. How can he be in the same house and not help?

OP posts:
Twistedbiscuit · 17/06/2019 16:57

What on Earth is he on about? You can’t take a “day off” from small children. That’s what’s so fucking relentlessly soul-destroying about it. Just like you can’t take a day off from feeding the dog FFS.

HolesinTheSoles · 17/06/2019 16:59

YANBU if you don't get a day to do your hobby it would be annoying that he does. Is he generally helpful though? Could it be he's just exhausted from his long hours and needs a mental health day? Would he give you the same if you said you needed it?

chardonm · 17/06/2019 17:00

I get why you're annoyed but if he burnt out and stressed it's just the one day I would brush it off.

adaline · 17/06/2019 17:00

But you'd have had to cope if he was away, wouldn't you? Is it annoying you because he was present but not getting involved?

I think everyone deserves time off occasionally. Nobody should have to be "on-call" 24/7.

babysharkah · 17/06/2019 17:00

You don't get a day off from kids. End off.

SecretWitch · 17/06/2019 17:01

There is no such thing as a parenting “day off”. What he means is “ I am a selfish twat and want you to do all the messy child centered shit.”

Is he selfish in other ways, op?

YANBU

justbeniceplease · 17/06/2019 17:01

Day off from work, not life.

Sirzy · 17/06/2019 17:03

As a one off I wouldn’t be too bothered. He wouldn’t have been there if he was off doing his hobby anyway.

BUT you also need to make sure you get away time.

honeygirlz · 17/06/2019 17:03

6 days a week starting at 5am is brutal. Shock what time does he finish?

Do you work full time as well? Does he often take annual leave to get away from home life?

If it was rare one off then I can understand him wanting to just relax as live as he still takes part in family life on his day off during the week.

If you’re a SAHM then you should do the bulk of the work.

Provincialbelle · 17/06/2019 17:07

You don’t get days off from kids.

minmooch · 17/06/2019 17:10

As a one off it wouldn't bother me too much. If he works 6 days a week and is up at 5:00 everyone of those days I would have let him enjoy a lie in.

Work is hard. Parenting is hard. Let him enjoy his time off and arrange a day off for yourself. It should be give and take.

Bluerussian · 17/06/2019 17:11

I don't think he is being unreasonable, considering the hours he works, however I suggest, next time he has annual leave or maybe over a weekend, you have a day off to do what you want, even staying in bed and sleeping if you want. That would be fair.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/06/2019 17:14

When is your "day off" OP?

I couldn't imagine my DH just sitting their watching me do everything without helping. He sounds very selfish, not an attractive trait

Mayday19 · 17/06/2019 17:14

Do people with approach never actually want to spend time with their dc?

TheABC · 17/06/2019 17:19

Ok, OP. Either what you do is work and therefore you also need a break. Or else you need a job and the childcare gets split 50/50. Either way, he does not get to opt out.

Isatis · 17/06/2019 17:22

Tell him your day off is Saturday, and plan to be out all day and evening then.

edwinbear · 17/06/2019 17:22

I wouldn't begrudge my DH a day to himself under those circumstances. You'd fully expected him to be out all day today so you've not really lost out on the help. Provided you get some time to yourself next time he's off.

LL83 · 17/06/2019 17:23

I would give him a day off if I knew he was exhausted and disappointed about friend letting him down. My dh would do the same for me if I needed a break. But either I would offer or dh would ask nicely not demand day off.

PhillipeFellope · 17/06/2019 17:23

If you’re a SAHM then you should do the bulk of the work.... When dh is in work. When he's not at work, presumably he's still a member of the family and therefore participates in family life?

He's behaving like a selfish prick.

steff13 · 17/06/2019 17:25

You never have any days that you're "off?" Ever? Then yeah, he sucks.

whatswithtodaytoday · 17/06/2019 17:27

I'd be fine with him having a day off the kids, so long as I got one too.

Toomanycats99 · 17/06/2019 17:31

If my ex had a day off work that meant he was 'off' he would not expect to do anything....even washing up he generated!

escapade1234 · 17/06/2019 17:35

What’s the hobby?

Fairenuff · 17/06/2019 17:36

I would have been perfectly happy with him having a day to himself. He can return the favour to you another time.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/06/2019 17:36

If that had happened to my husband he would have suggested a day out together. Perhaps put up with less, next time leave him to get on with it.

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