DH and his ‘Day Off’

[Likepebblesonthebeach]

My DH works hard, 5am starts, 6 days a week. This has been tiring him out recently. He is not on a contact and can be fired without notice at any point. It’s stressful not having any security.
He decided to take today as annual leave to do his hobby with a friend away from our home. The friend flaked and DH is pissed.
We have two very young children. DH decided he isn’t helping today at all as it’s his ‘day off’. He wouldn’t help this morning with breakfast & dressing and has spent the day in the kitchen on his hobby. He is also in college tonight for this hobby so I’ll be doing bedtime alone.

AIBU to think I’m married to a selfish prick? I don’t get any days off in life. How can he be in the same house and not help?

Book your day off this weekend.

This all sounds like a fairly miserable existence op, and a few others. Neither of you should ever have any time to yourselves? That doesn't sound like a pleasant way to live at all. I would happily let him enjoy his day off, and then you enjoy one too in the near future.

Another hobby....!

It's fine to have a day off everything.

Make sure you get one asap.
Just tell him you're having one and go before he has a chance to sabotage it.

I may get absolutely flamed for this but I think YABU, a bit. I get why you’re cross, but he booked a days annual leave, and was planning to be away from the house for the day, which presumably you were ok with. It IS a bit selfish of him to not offer any help at all but I do sort of understand his POV too. What’s important however is if you are going to get an equivalent day off completely to yourself? If not, then YANBU.

6 days a week in a stressful job with 5am starts would physically and mentally kill me ! So I think a day off sounds reasonable

IF

The rest of the time he does his share when he is able (eg helps with kids on his day not working) AND you get the same- a day where he looks after the kids that you can just do whatever you want

How has he got time for a hobby with 2 small children and working 6 days a week

If you’re a SAHM then you should do the bulk of the work.... When dh is in work. When he's not at work, presumably he's still a member of the family and therefore participates in family life?

Yep, agreed, I did say "as long as he still takes part in family life on his day off during the week."

I don't know, I you weren't expecting him to be there today so you haven't "lost" anything. He's exhausted, so disappointed and fed up. Unless it's regular behaviour I think some allowances for poor behaviour can be made in the circumstances.

Is his hobby rock climbing and since he can't get out he is just hanging around the house?

It wouldn't bother me if he still wanted a day off. But he would have to take himself off and out or squirrel himself away somewhere. Sitting present with the family then refusing to do a jot is just plain nasty.

I wouldn’t grudge him this day off as he works very long hours but you should also get a break for a day too at some point.

The hobbies are usually cycling, going to the gym or playing video games.

Which one OP?

I am a SAHM & Carer for our DS. I do all of the housework, house & medical planning for the kids. But he is great with DC he plays with them & gives them a lot of time. We take a DC each at bedtime which seems to work.
I knew he was going to be out today then straight to college tonight & I wasn’t too happy. He could have picked a different day so I would get some time alone to even have a shower I am annoyed that he meant the full day off - like from opening his eyes until tomorrow morning!!!

But he is stressed and tired so I’ll let it slide... this time. I didn’t cook him any food today as my mini revenge. Fed the kids of course & grabbed myself a wrap when I was food shopping.

I don’t have a hobby anymore but I am going to go out for lunch on Saturday with my friends now.

It would have been nicer if he'd decided to spend some time with you all as a family given that he works so much, it doesn't sound like he was particularly friendly towards you this morning when he wouldn't help, his attitude would annoy me.

I want to know what the hobby is too - especially now I know it can be done in the kitchen.

You don’t get days off from kids.

Why on earth not? If they have another capable parent (or someone to leave them with) why can't you have a day "off" occasionally. There was no emergency - so what's the problem?

6 days a week, fired at a moment's notice!

Doesn't sound like much of a life, (or a legitimate UK employment arrangement).

Is there a chance of a new job?

Do you work op? Who earns the money? If it is solely him that is bearing the financial burden by working from 5am every, 6 days a week, then you are being vvvvu to begrudge him a day off. I can’t believe you didn’t make him any lunch.

It is how increasing numbers of people are employed these days and is sadly legal.

I would let him have his day off as he wasn't meant to be there anyway.

Make sure you get time off too op.

I'm going to stick up for him. Sounds like this is a one off or rare, he's probably stressed and exhausted, don't begrudge him a day off and take a day off yourself soon.

He wanted a day off to do his hobby.
His other choice was to go to work.

Either way his day off - not an easy day for you.

As for Isatis - did you miss the 6-day a week job?

I didn’t cook him any food today as my mini revenge

I'd be having lunch with my divorce lawyer. Or quitting to be a SAHD and you could work 6 days a week.

If he did the hobby with his friend he wouldnt be there to help get the kids dressed or do bed time, so it's not really any different. However I probably would find it annoying.
He should have gone out for the day which is what he originally planned and just done something by himself.