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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL lying again

133 replies

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 07:45

My MIL tells lies to manipulate people, always has. She pretends people are ill so we’ll travel up to her town (4-5 hour drive) and they’ve only got a cold and a visit could have waited. She pretends someone has asked for a particular expensive gift for Christmas and asks us all to chip in for it only to find they didn’t ask at all, she’s just decided that’s what happening.

These days I get DH to double check what he can with others because I will not be manipulated. (The last straw was being told we were invited to a party, travelled 5 hours and it was obvious we were not expected but the host was too polite to say anything and found us chairs and food. I will never be put in that position again so now we check.)

She’s done it again. Apparently someone is throwing a surprise baby shower for SIL and MIL says we are invited. We have no idea whether this is true. DH never sees his sister and I don’t like her and vice versa, so I’d be surprised if this person (her own SIL) would invite us. I’m surprised a man, DH, has been invited anyway. We can’t check because it’s a surprise apparently, if that part is even true. We don’t know SIL’s ILs.

It’s OK just to ignore MIL and not go isn't it it? We haven’t had an invitation from the host, MIL says it’s just invitation by word of mouth. Quite frankly I don’t believe her. She hates SIL’s ILs and I think she’s just wanting to control who goes. I fully expect that others turn up who are not invited either but her coup de grace would be us because we have to travel so far.

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 17/06/2019 07:47

I’d not go. Why would you if you don’t get on with SIL?

Baby showers are for the friends of the mum to be surely (not that I like baby showers but that’s a different topic)

ineedaholidaynow · 17/06/2019 07:47

Does she do this with other family members?

Has DH spoken to her about it?

RuggerHug · 17/06/2019 07:48

Just say to MIL you have plans that weekend.

7yo7yo · 17/06/2019 07:49

I wouldn’t travel 5 hours to a baby shower anyway.

Beesandcheese · 17/06/2019 07:49

Don't go. Maybe send a gift to SIL (after in case there is a surprise) but as baby showers, particularly surprise ones are just for bad drama shows or reality TV stunts I would assume it's bollocks.

CalmdownJanet · 17/06/2019 07:49

Definitely don't go because she is probably lying but to be fair you wouldn't go to a baby shower of someone you didn't see/like anyway so it's a no brainer really

AuntMarch · 17/06/2019 07:52

Why would you travel that far for a baby shower for someone you don't like, even if you did know it was genuine. She knows you don't get on so why ruin her event by being there?

LizzieSiddal · 17/06/2019 07:52

Do not go.

You don’t get on anyway so why would you potentially upset her baby shower, by being there? Even if you’ve officially been invited (which you probably haven’t), she won’t want you there.

Drogosnextwife · 17/06/2019 07:53

I definitely wouldn't be going, even if I did get an invite.

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 07:59

It was for DH rather than me I was asking. MIL has caused the rift between SIL and DH because she’s all divide and conquer. If it wasn’t for her they probably would see each other more often but they do speak on the phone a few times a year (birthdays and Christmas). SIL resents me (I think) because I took her brother away. MIL has stirred this up. Actually I met him at uni and he got a job in London and I moved with him but don’t let the truth get in the way MIL and SIL!

OP posts:
paddington34 · 17/06/2019 08:04

She's lying don't go.

BeyondMyWits · 17/06/2019 08:12

Don't go. No invitation = not invited. AND you don't get on with SIL - so why go anyway. AND men are not normally invited to these things... just imagine...

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 08:14

Maybe DH ought to tell MIL that he doesn't believe her so he’s not going? I wonder if she’d learn?

After the party debacle I told MIL we were obviously not expected and she said that she was sure [name of host] had said it was ok. Just bullshit.

OP posts:
AyBeeCee10 · 17/06/2019 08:14

I wouldnt drive 5 hours for any occasion so on that basis I wouldn't be going. You have valid suspicions. Just be busy on that weekend.

Likethebattle · 17/06/2019 08:16

Nah call her bluff and don’t go. It’ll be like the party all over again. I could imagine my mil doing the same.

Birdie6 · 17/06/2019 08:18

If this party was really happening you would have heard from the person holding it - not from MIL. She is making it all up. I'd just say " Oh dear sorry we can't come , what a shame". And leave it at that.

Likethebattle · 17/06/2019 08:19

It clashes with your BDSM night.

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 08:19

Likethebattle It’s such hard work isn’t it? I just assume now that anything MIL says is a lie and then decide whether we need to find out the truth or just ignore her. But it wears you down.

OP posts:
ICantBelieveIDidThis · 17/06/2019 08:19

Send a small, yet useful gift.

Don't go.

Birdie6 · 17/06/2019 08:21

It sounds like something my mother would have done - put me in a horribly awkward position through her lying and manipulation, then when I'd call her out on it, she'd give her tinkling laugh and say " Oh I thought it would be all right ! Oh well never mind...."

Meccacos · 17/06/2019 08:22

If you were invited, you would have been invited.

These days informal invites go out via Facebook. Or at least a text message.

You’ve not been invited. It’s really really simple.

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 08:24

Great thanks all.

OP posts:
OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 17/06/2019 08:26

she said that she was sure [name of host] had said it was ok.

Well, there's her admission right there. If that conversation happened at all, it just shows that the host was answering a request by her, not specifically inviting you.

Anyway, she's not the boss of you. Even if you are invited (and I agree that it's highly likely she's lying again), you can still say no.

IHateUncleJamie · 17/06/2019 08:29

She’s doing everything she can to triangulate and keep stirring up trouble between you/DH/SIL. I would go low contact with her and not attend anything unless you’ve specifically been invited by the host.

If MIL queries then your DH needs to say that unfortunately he can’t trust her info based on experience so he will be dealing directly with everyone now. Cut out the middle man.

GlitterDustY · 17/06/2019 08:31

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess She may have said she was sure [name of host] had said invite Glitter and DH. I can’t remember. It was obviously bullshit though and she knew that I knew.

OP posts: