MIL lying again

[GlitterDustY]

My MIL tells lies to manipulate people, always has. She pretends people are ill so we’ll travel up to her town (4-5 hour drive) and they’ve only got a cold and a visit could have waited. She pretends someone has asked for a particular expensive gift for Christmas and asks us all to chip in for it only to find they didn’t ask at all, she’s just decided that’s what happening.

These days I get DH to double check what he can with others because I will not be manipulated. (The last straw was being told we were invited to a party, travelled 5 hours and it was obvious we were not expected but the host was too polite to say anything and found us chairs and food. I will never be put in that position again so now we check.)

She’s done it again. Apparently someone is throwing a surprise baby shower for SIL and MIL says we are invited. We have no idea whether this is true. DH never sees his sister and I don’t like her and vice versa, so I’d be surprised if this person (her own SIL) would invite us. I’m surprised a man, DH, has been invited anyway. We can’t check because it’s a surprise apparently, if that part is even true. We don’t know SIL’s ILs.

It’s OK just to ignore MIL and not go isn't it it? We haven’t had an invitation from the host, MIL says it’s just invitation by word of mouth. Quite frankly I don’t believe her. She hates SIL’s ILs and I think she’s just wanting to control who goes. I fully expect that others turn up who are not invited either but her coup de grace would be us because we have to travel so far.

IHateUncleJamie Yes I think it’s a good idea to say we will not go to anything if we are not directly invited by the host.

Cue MIL trying to manipulate people her end I expect but not my problem.

"Now now MIL I'm not falling for that again. If we've been invited we'll wait for the invitation directly from the organiser thanks."

Maybe DH ought to tell MIL that he doesn't believe her so he’s not going? I wonder if she’d learn?

If I'm reading the situation right, OP, she won't. This is all about controlling and directing events so I'm afraid she will do things like this over and over again because it's about getting her own way. The upset it causes satisfies her need for being at the centre of the drama, the drama she created in the first place. You and your DH (and his sister, for that matter) are just bit players in a walk-on role to her.

My mother is a past master at this.

Don't go.

Actually yes that’s exactly what she’ll do. Tell people we have asked to go and could they please invite us 🙄. Maybe when we turn down such invitations people will learn! Word will never get around about MIL though, she keeps people apart for that very reason.

XXVaginaAndAUterus

Very good.

Don't go. My MIL has form for this sort of thing too. These days I only respond to invitations given directly by the host.

Tell the hosts now what MIL has done, and say you're assuming you haven't been invited and in any case can't go.

'Just ringing to wish you a great time, can't wait to meet the baby' yada, send a card.

Do not communicate with MIL.

I agree that you should say no as we don’t want any awkward moments like x’s party. If we aren’t playing ball we get ‘ I think I need to go to hospital’ the reason is usually a UTI or a stomach upset. I am very against A&E being abused so refuse point blank to even consider it.

Is SIL even expecting?

Omg she’s bonkers!

"I haven't heard from the host, so I'm not sure we are invited, but we'd have to decline anyhow as we have plans that weekend. I'll let the host know when we hear from them'

Ariela

Good point! We’ve only heard through MIL. MIL is the teller of all information in their family. She was furious when we told people ourselves that we were expecting, but SIL is trained, she’ll let MIL do anything.

Don't even respond to mil about it but if she brings it up again simply say you are not going. Who the heck would drive 5 hours to a baby shower even if they did get an invite? And don't send a gift - that would be weird seeing as you're not invited by the host.

From now on just ignore all invites from mil to other people's events. She's nuts.

I only attend events that I've been invited to by the host directly. Stick to this rule and continue to check what your mil says with others and you'll be fine.

Drum2018 I’d go that far if it were my sister. But my family are normal!

I certainly wouldn't be travelling for 5 hours for a baby shower for someone I don't like.

If MIL brings it up again tell her you'll be busy that day watching paint dry.

Apparently someone is throwing a surprise baby shower for SIL and MIL says we are invited.

Hang on! If it’s a surprise, then obviously your sil hasn’t invited you, as she knows feck all about it. So who exactly is supposed to have invited you? Tell mil you’d like the telephone of the person who is supposed to have invited you, so you can apologise for not being able to attend. Let’s see how she squirms out of that.

S1naidSucks Apparently SIL’s SIL has invited MIL. MIL doesn’t like SIL’s ILs. This is SIL’s second marriage, she didn’t like her first ILs either. She doesn’t like any ILs! I have no idea how SIL’s SIL would have got MIL’s number (I assumed she rang her as it’s “word of mouth”) unless SIL is in on the secret and gave it to her.

Hmmmm

Ah, that does make ‘some’ sense. I think your first instinct is correct. She’s trying to shitstir and turn your sil’s in-laws against you.

Jesus it all sounds like a nest of viper.....don't go end of....invited or not it sounds a nightmare there are so much nicer things to be doing x.

I believe SIl is pregnant, she put it on FB. I now think she knows about the “surprise” showery because I don’t think SIL’s SIL could have got her number except ask SIl outright for it.

Why jot call MIL out on this?

“MIL if we really have been invited, you’re going to need to give me the phone number of the host so I can check. You have form for lying don’t you, so I can’t take anything you say at face value any more. Which is really sad. You need to win back my trust. Now, that phone number...”

I’d call MIL’s bluff and hunt down the contact details of the in-laws/organisers.

Have a good chat with them, be up front that MIL often gets confused about these sorts of things. Offer them all your best wishes for their party and ask for a mailing address for the present. Say that you wish you could have helped or been there, but that distance/prior engagement prohibits it.

Ring MIL with details about the party (that will really annoy her), and say that you won’t be going to things you’re not invited to. Ever. And that she’s only embarrassing herself.

Bloody cheek.

If its not a surprise, she's telling you it is so you can't check with SIL, knowing you don't have anyone else's details either.

Best option is to politely decline and send a present after.

I like XX's response. She has form, so why not call her out on it?

As an aside, I wouldn't travel 5 minutes to attend the baby shower of my closest friends, so like hell would I drive 5 hours to that of someone I disliked, especially if I wasn't even sure I was invited...