Ended up in the same club...

[junglesepa]

Hi,

My fiancée and I went out in London last night separately with friends. I went to a birthday party in a club, she had booked the space and area months ago. There's a Facebook invite etc. I said I was going to a club and never specified.

My fiancée went to an event and then a bar and had text me that. Then he text saying he was in the same club (I didn't check my phone) he didn't realise I was in there. I was talking to my friends at the bar when suddenly he was in front of me.

His friend looked disgusted (usually get on with this friend) that I was there.
Fiancée is angry because it looks like I followed him there.

The mix up was that they referred to the club as it's old name and I knew it by its new advertised name.

It's awkward but not the end of the world. He's acting very off with me and angry. Who is BU?

Massive red flag. Angry indeed 🤔

Well it seems you seem ok with it OP...

I wouldn’t be. To need some down time away from your partner is perfectly fine but to be ANGRY about it and still angry the next day .. and then to say he’d been complaining about you to his friend... none of this is normal.

So if the issue is that he doesn't get much time on his own away from you, why would he tell you that he was bitching about you before that even arose?

That's not a normal reaction.

If I had to make a guess, he wants you to be angry with him and dump him.

I think the issue is that he doesn't feel like he gets time on his own from me very often and the one night he did have, I was there.

Whether this is an issue or not is completely irrelevant. He and his friend were rude. He was in a strop the next day. It was his fault he ended up in the same club as you and they could have moved on to another one if they wanted to.
Also, there was no need to deliberately hurt you by saying he was talking about you negatively. How weird - who says something like that to their partner, even if it was true.

You obviously seem to be OK with his behaviour.
I wouldn't be. Also he claims he doesn't get much time on his own but he goes on a lads' holiday every year.
Mmmmm... I think he's not as serious as you about this relationship.
Has a wedding been booked yet or are you just engaged with no firm plans to marry.

I think the issue is that he doesn't feel like he gets time on his own from me very often

No the issue is that he doesn't seem to like you very much. Slagging you off to his friend then being angry with you because you met up in a club. Horrible behaviour. Not the behaviour of someone who loves and cares for you and wants to marry you.

If he's claustrophobic now then marriage and small babies will tac him far too much. My advice is to pop this one back in the pond and find a better one.

Leave and don't look back.

You seem to be coming up with excuses as to why it’s ok to stay with someone like this - fine but 10 years down the line, it would have just got 10X worse.

You are sound very naive OP.

If you are ok with this behaviour from him then that’s your call. But there’s little point posting on a forum about it if you don’t want to hear that everyone else resoundingly thinks your partner is awful.

*sounding

Why did ypu post, op ? Despite a pretty much unanimous verdict that your boyfriend is a dick at best and a sleazy FuckBoy at worst, you seem to making excuses for him

Well, good luck with that. Would he support you the same ? Actually no. He's already told you he was slagging you off to his mate. Nice.

@Silvercatowner I love that little heart jump, I only get it when the meet is unexpected most of the time but it's still there after 20 years. To us, this meet would be fun, mixing of friends.

Ah now you're defending him. Good luck.

You obviously know your boyfriend and we don't and therefore you can defend him if you so wish but it still doesn't excuse the fact that he was angry to see you and admitted to slagging you off to his friend both of which are very odd behaviours!
I think you're being incredibly naive I'm afraid

Giving your DP the benefit of the doubt if I had been looking forward to a night out on my own with my mates and my DH or my friends DH turned up I’d be a bit .
I wouldn’t be on the pull I just wouldn’t want to be with my DH that night.
I know you did it accidentally but you had the invite for ages so it could to his eyes look like you deceived him and planned to end up in the same place. It probably isn’t so much that he didn’t want to see you but he promised his mate a boys night and then was embarrassed.
He is wrong to still be making a big deal out of it though after you explained you mistake.

Sounds all very juvenile to be honest.

Ok, I've rtft and I STILL don't understand why he's so angry, or why he's been so rude about this, or what his friend's problem is. It sounds like a load of silly drama about absolutely nothing. If you were at a preplanned event and they were just drinking about town then why didn't they just go somewhere else after they bumped into you? Problem solved.

I'm sorry but I have to agree with PPs that there's something weird going on here.

I think your boyfriend knew where you'd be and followed you there because he's jealous and doesn't trust you. Now he's putting it all on you to deflect from the truth of the matter. His friend realised he'd been used / caught up in this shit and was pissed off because he just wanted a night out with his friend.

You're making excuses for him now.

It is not normal behaviour to see someone you love and be angry.

He knew you were in the same club but you didn't, he could simply have left and gone elsewhere.

It is sad that your excuses for his behaviour are actually making him sound worse. Most of us do things without our partner but it would be more due to separate interests/friends rather than "needing" time away from one another. It's not nice of him to tell you that he needs to have more time away from you or that he was being negative about you to his friend. He can organise time away without making a big and nasty deal out of it. He didn't need to stay in the same club as you either. Apart from not being nice to you he sounds like the kind of person who always blames someone else for his mistakes e.g. he wanted be alone (!) in a club with his friend but someone managed to go somewhere you had planned to go to months ago with your friends.

I think your boyfriend knew where you'd be and followed you there because he's jealous and doesn't trust you. Now he's putting it all on you to deflect from the truth of the matter. His friend realised he'd been used / caught up in this shit and was pissed off because he just wanted a night out with his friend.

Yes, OP is assuming that the friend was disgusted with her but it could have been with him.

You know, I can well imagine being a bit miffed than on the one day I’ve gone out DH shows up there too. But be angry about it? No. His reaction is completely out of proportion, especially for someone who is engaged to you so planning to spend his entire life with you!

You’re working hard to justify his bad behaviour OP. My advice would be to get out of this relationship, don’t marry this man