Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ended up in the same club...

149 replies

junglesepa · 16/06/2019 10:15

Hi,

My fiancée and I went out in London last night separately with friends. I went to a birthday party in a club, she had booked the space and area months ago. There's a Facebook invite etc. I said I was going to a club and never specified.

My fiancée went to an event and then a bar and had text me that. Then he text saying he was in the same club (I didn't check my phone) he didn't realise I was in there. I was talking to my friends at the bar when suddenly he was in front of me.

His friend looked disgusted (usually get on with this friend) that I was there.
Fiancée is angry because it looks like I followed him there.

The mix up was that they referred to the club as it's old name and I knew it by its new advertised name.

It's awkward but not the end of the world. He's acting very off with me and angry. Who is BU?

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 16/06/2019 18:25

I would be suspicious about why he got so annoyed about it! It would strike me that he was up to no good.

Dahlietta · 16/06/2019 18:34

Do you mean fiancé (male) or fiancée (female) as you then say She booked..

I think the 'she' is the OP's friend.

SunshineCake · 16/06/2019 19:20

Thank you, Dahlietta. When I reread it I thought that.

nothingtowearever · 16/06/2019 19:24

I'd be thrilled if this happened to me! What a strange reaction!

Toodleoopuddle · 16/06/2019 19:26

Would a normal reaction not be to be pleased to see each other?

Dahlietta · 16/06/2019 19:43

As you can see, SunshineCake, I had the exact same thought process Wink

mycatismeowican · 16/06/2019 21:10

The op has run away

Original poster
junglesepa · 16/06/2019 21:59

Hello, been out for Father's Day!

No I have never ever followed him. He usually goes out miles away from me. We don't live in London, so we don't go out there often. My friends live there and hence their party there. I was there first, the event booked months ago. I have the proof.

His argument is I didn't mention the name, they'd have avoided going if I had.

I don't think they were on the pull.

I've just reunited at home with DP and he's not really speaking to me. Being quite rude and mean. He said just before that club when we had been perfectly fine imo he had been saying negative things about me to his friend. Feel very broken.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 16/06/2019 22:19

Not only was he criticizing you to his friend, he was also cruel enough to tell you about it?

Total dickhead move.

If he wasn't on the pull why would he care if you were at the same club?

billy1966 · 16/06/2019 22:28

Horrible, horrible man.

If you feel broken, he's not someone whom you are ever going to good about again.

He's not nice, you deserve more.

Don't waste anymore time on him.

He really has shown you what he's like.

Listen.

YouTheCat · 16/06/2019 22:31

Good that you've found out what an utter twat he is now, before you married him. Get rid.

He can continue his bromance without you.

OutInTheCountry · 16/06/2019 22:45

I've been with my DH for over 20 years. At any point in our relationship - boyfriend, fiancee and husband - we would have been delighted to bump into each other accidentally. This is the person who's supposed to be your biggest fan in the world, to love you, to fight your corner.

We all have our off days and I'm sure DH and I have both confided in friends over the years - do you think this is an off day or a sign of something worse?

Beautiful3 · 16/06/2019 22:45

Please don't allow him to treat you like crap. If this were happeng to a friend of yours, I'm pretty sure you'd encourage her to leave. Just leave and meet some one better, somone who deserves you.

Iloveacurry · 16/06/2019 22:53

He’s a bellend. Tell him to do one.

IGottaSeeJane · 16/06/2019 23:21

You need to have serious thoughts about this guy - this may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Blitheringheights · 16/06/2019 23:27

Did he honestly actually say ‘yeah, it was annoying because I was just enjoyably slagging you off to Bill and then like, there you were.’?

What a dick!!!!

Apileofballyhoo · 17/06/2019 00:36

Unless he thinks telling you he was slagging you off to his friend is preferable to you knowing they were chatting up a couple of friends and you arriving put an end to it.

loveya · 17/06/2019 00:59

I’m often weary when reading these kind of things... what are you not telling us? Do you have a history of following him around or always being together or checking up on him constantly? There’s always two sides to a story.. but yeah if I run into my partner on a night out with the girls and him with the guys we have a drink together if even, have a kiss, and go our own ways even if we do stay in the same place I’ll spend my time with my girls and he with the guys.. we might say a word to each other every now and then, if Iran a proper event I might not even do that...

rainbowstardrops · 17/06/2019 06:50

He told you he had been moaning about you to his friend???!!! What a bastard! I'd be having a long hard think about continuing a relationship with the idiot. You deserve better

SlowDown76mph · 17/06/2019 07:22

Don't marry him, you'll have a miserable life. Meantime, make sure your contraception is in place.

Rezie · 17/06/2019 07:53

I can understand being slightly annoyed that you happen to end up in the same club. It's just this weird thing where it's odd to not spend time together there and odd to spend time together. But his reaction is over the top. Being rude and grumpy and not talking. They could have gone to a different club when noticing. You could just agree that next time you go out you let each other know the former and current name of the club and the you know to avoid each other. Problem solved. He is turning this into a huge deal and making it a red flag

tomatostottie · 17/06/2019 08:22

He said just before that club when we had been perfectly fine imo he had been saying negative things about me to his friend.

So there are deeper issues there. You are supposed to be getting married soon and he should be going on to his friend about how wonderful you are and not criticizing you.
Please get rid - I mentioned upthread that something similar had happened with my ex. I also found out after the relationship was over that he had been moaning on to friends about me (instead of being an adult and discussing issues with me). They then kept encouraging him to dump me - which he did (twice) and ended up coming back again because he really missed me (he said).

IMHO it is the beginning of the end when partners start moaning on about each other to friends - yes, we all have little things that annoy us and might mention them to friends but there shouldn't be too much negativity - especially when you are engaged and planning to spend the rest of your life together.

MRex · 17/06/2019 08:40

I don't think any explanation is plausible apart from him being out on the pull and now he's trying to obfuscate to make it your fault. Relationships shouldn't make you feel shit.

yesteaandawineplease · 17/06/2019 16:37

i think you need to have a serious conversation with him about his reaction and decided whether you can trust him. seems very trival to fall out over never mind that he should actually have been happy to see you.

Original poster
junglesepa · 17/06/2019 17:08

We do spend a lot of time together and he doesn't go out very often. This is because we don't live near his (or my) friends since we moved for work to outside London.

I have never ever followed him. However on nights out I'm typically invited, but he goes on a few with this friend and he also goes on a lads holiday every year.

I think the issue is that he doesn't feel like he gets time on his own from me very often and the one night he did have, I was there.
He isn't the type to go on the pull and he was texting me all the time telling me how they were doing, what was happening.
Also as rude as the friend was, he wouldn't support cheating and would tell DP to end it instead.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.