Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ended up in the same club...

149 replies

junglesepa · 16/06/2019 10:15

Hi,

My fiancée and I went out in London last night separately with friends. I went to a birthday party in a club, she had booked the space and area months ago. There's a Facebook invite etc. I said I was going to a club and never specified.

My fiancée went to an event and then a bar and had text me that. Then he text saying he was in the same club (I didn't check my phone) he didn't realise I was in there. I was talking to my friends at the bar when suddenly he was in front of me.

His friend looked disgusted (usually get on with this friend) that I was there.
Fiancée is angry because it looks like I followed him there.

The mix up was that they referred to the club as it's old name and I knew it by its new advertised name.

It's awkward but not the end of the world. He's acting very off with me and angry. Who is BU?

OP posts:
Stopandlook · 16/06/2019 10:32

Eh? Run for the hills!

cccameron · 16/06/2019 10:33

That’s so strange... if that had happened to us we’d laugh at the coincidence and be pleased to see each other

Exactly this. How dare he be angry at you! Two things could be happening here from the reaction of the friend

  1. He knew exactly where you were. Had seen the Facebook invite and decided to check up on you and ruin your night. Friend pissed off they're tailing you. Is he the jealous (asshole) type?
  2. They were out on the pull and are pissed off you were there scuppering their plans.
StillCoughingandLaughing · 16/06/2019 10:33

He’s being ridiculous. It was a simple coincidence.

I would also be concerned there was something going on he didn’t want me to see. Although it could be the friend, given he reacted badly too. Is he single? If not, could it be him who was after some other woman and he’s worried you’ll report back?

abigslideee · 16/06/2019 10:34

If I randomly bumped into DH whilst out we'd find it amusing and be pleased to see each other.

The fact he's "angry" is a huge red flag. Why the fuck is he angry. Sounds like a total weirdo in all honesty and I'd run before you're tied forever op!

Original poster
junglesepa · 16/06/2019 10:35

Other friend is single and usually very nice. I think he was looking forward to guy time together and felt I ruined it.

My fiancée didn't pick the club because we've been there before and he hated it and made comments like "ugh Tom wants to go to This Club".

OP posts:
DizzySue · 16/06/2019 10:36

My fiancée didn't pick the club because we've been there before and he hated it and made comments like "ugh Tom wants to go to This Club"

So you did know where they had planned to go?

Quartz2208 · 16/06/2019 10:36

Is his friend single?
First off it is as much his responsibility as yours he presumably spent no time figuring out where you were (and also point out really that it was a friends birthday)

cccameron · 16/06/2019 10:36

If he was that bothered about spending time with his mate alone then normal reaction would be to laugh about it, have a drink with you then say goodbyes and them move on to a different club to continue their night.

RestingBitchFaced · 16/06/2019 10:39

I don't get why it's your fault, surely it's just as much his? His response is awful though, he obviously didn't want you there for some reason

PeoniesarePink · 16/06/2019 10:40

You ruined his night.

Why on earth would you want to marry a man like that?

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 10:41

Erm, his friend is irrelevant in this OP. You don't want to marry this man, trust me.

Candleglow7475 · 16/06/2019 10:42

I would have thought he’d be pleased to see you, unless you make a habit of following him?
I’d be questioning the relationship tbh, as a PP had said I’d be worried you turning up was cramping his style.
As him what was he doing there that was so important you couldn’t be there??

Birdie6 · 16/06/2019 10:42

He said it's like I planned it because I knew where he was going and didn't say

But he knew you were going to someone else's birthday, didn't he ? So how would he think that you'd planned it because you knew where he was going ? . The whole thing sounds weird. Most men are actually happy to see their fiance, no matter what the circumstances. I'd be seriously reconsidering the future with this childish man.

hookiwooki · 16/06/2019 10:43

Well the friend clearly isn't that nice if he was "disgusted" to see you. And anger is a very strong reaction to have towards someone in an event entirely beyond your control. It would be equivalent to me getting angry at DH that the bin men didn't come or something!

letsdolunch321 · 16/06/2019 10:46

If his friend was looking for guy time together WHY go to a nightclub !!!! ??

More like looking to flirt and pull - No good

Paddingtonthebear · 16/06/2019 10:48

This tells you everything you need to know about your future life with this man, and his friends.

Seriously, I wasted so much time on shit like this when I was younger (20’s and 30’s). In ten years you will look back on this and think WTF was I doing trying to understand this, trying to rationalise this and trying to justify myself to this person. It’s really not worth it. He’s not for you.

PositiveVibez · 16/06/2019 10:49

I think he was looking forward to guy time together and felt I ruined it

Urgh 'guy time'. Pair of fucking tosspots

And you're marrying this prick?

RedPink · 16/06/2019 10:50

That’s awful behaviour. 😕

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/06/2019 10:51

He’s a wanker and I’d be concerned with that massive red flag he’s waving around

BlueJava · 16/06/2019 10:54

Just to clarify - he got angry because you happened to end up in the same place on a night out? Unless you are a serial stalker and don't trust him then his reaction would make me seriously question whether I wanted to marry him.

Have you considered perhaps he was angry because he wanted to pick someone up? Genuine question - there is no reason to be angry when the person you are about to marry when they turn up out of the blue!

Neolara · 16/06/2019 10:56

But you knew where he was going? And you knew he was out with a friend on a guys night? If my DH turned up at the same place under those circumstances I'd probably be pretty put out. Definitely has the potential to look controlling or desperate imo.

Chamomileteaplease · 16/06/2019 10:58

You said you friend booked it ages ago so there's your proof.

Just because you were in the same club doesn't mean you have to spend time together though. I feel for his friend if it is meant to be a night out for them but after a quick chat to you they could just move to a different part.

Though I would also wonder what they were going to do there.

PanteneProV · 16/06/2019 10:59

This is a truly bizarre reaction - he has no reason to feel angry.

Is this usual behaviour from him, to get angry over very inconsequential things?

userabcname · 16/06/2019 10:59

Unless you have form for following him around on his nights out with friends (which would be very annoying) then yanbu. If I saw my DH out, even when we were dating, he'd come over, say hi, probably make me join in with one of his mad dances and then we'd go off separately with our friends again as planned. No drama.

Banhaha · 16/06/2019 11:00

Is there anything else you argue about or does this feel like a one off thing? Do you do things like check up on him if he goes out (he might think you don't trust him). It seems pretty extreme if you've explained the name mix up and it wasn't you who suggested it. I can understand if he laughed it off and said my mate thinks you're following me now haha but to get angry about this is a bit much. They might have been looking forward to a bit of time as just the lads but they could have gone on to somewhere else if that's what they wanted.

I know he's your fiance but you don't have to go ahead with it if this is a pattern (advice I wish I'd told my self a few years ago).

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.