Hold on, so I’m not completely wierd?
I say my children’s names, and shortened versions of my close friends’ names. That’s it. Oh, and my brother. My DB’s wife though, calls him by a shortened version and to me it’s like nails down a blackboard. She’s lovely, genuinely lovely and cares for him very deeply, so it’s not like I secretly dislike her. It’s the name issue, and only the name, that makes me bristle. I wonder if I like his name as it is because he was always lovely to me and never used my own name at me to scold or command things of me? My NC sis I have never liked using her name. Also talks to me in a patronising and often spiteful tone.
I can’t call my mum ‘mum’, but thank goodness we’ve had kids so can get away with calling her nana instead. I always thought it was her lack of giving a shit that enforced this into me, and the fact that she uses my name a lot as part of her narc authoritative demands.
My poor DH fares no better. Nameless. Apart from in company, when I’m forced to use it, but even then I struggle. I don’t know why at all because there’s certainly no horrible association there, although I would say that I’ve always been averse to being dominated in a relationship, overly keen on independence and also hate controlling others, maybe that comes into it? He’s the same with me, and when he calls my name I know there’s someone at the door or he needs to pass the phone over or something. Which is rarely good, so just adds to the dislike of using names.
I think there’s something in the domineering theory, people who say your name to you a lot trying to dominate.... but also possibly the ASD connection.
I score very highly on the tests, but have never bothered pursuing diagnosis as it doesn’t cause problems for me. My son does have a diagnosis of autism. The main point with the ASD connection is that it’s not about being sociable or not, per se, it’s about rigidity and context. Being able to change the way you use language, depending on the person or occasion, when you may have a fixed idea of the way you wish to speak to them or usually speak to them. Anything outside of this accepted script can feel extremely uncomfortable and cause an almost palpable reaction. We know a teacher outside of school and my son insists on calling her ‘miss x’ and will not consider calling her by her first name outside of the school environment. Pp above said they do use people’s names and do have ASD. That doesn’t necessarily rule it out for the people who can’t say names. It’s the rigidity surrounding the issue, rather than the issue itself, that correlates with ASD. Names are an emotive thing I guess.
I’m always saying on those ‘name stealing’ threads, that yes you can steal a name. I hate when people copy names, they’re so personal to me. I don’t think this is a one size fits all type issue, but I wonder how many people on this thread have very strong connections to names otherwise?
As an example, a close family member was brutally attacked many years ago. Life changing, completely. The name of the man who did it is very common, think John, or similar. Whenever I hear someone else with that name I feel like my brain is swirling and I want to clam up or get away. I am aware on a logical level that these new Johns are not likely psychopaths, but the name makes me feel awful.