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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid posted a photo of my dress on Facebook

829 replies

Titsntats · 15/06/2019 07:21

I know I probably am but just wanted to hear others opinions on whether they would be sad about it or if I just need to get a grip!

Getting married soon and after trying on a lot of different dresses I finally found the one, something I never thought I would due to being very body conscious and anxious. Went back for final fitting at the weekend and took one of my bridesmaids as she wanted to see

After finishing the appointment and getting home I saw that she had posted a photo of me in the dress on Facebook (during the appointment so it had already been on an hour or two when I saw it) and tagged my partner in it saying she bets he couldn’t wait to marry me and how lovely my dress is. When I asked her to remove it her response was ‘it doesn’t matter if he’s seen it he’s a man so he will have forgotten what it looks like in 5 minutes time’. My dad had also seen it as well and it was going to be a surprise for him on the day too

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel! I am so gutted that it now won’t be a surprise to my partner or my dad. She knew how much that meant to me and the only thing I had asked for was that details of how I will look on the day were kept a surprise from my dad and partner. As I paid in instalments the dress is now fully paid for and I don’t have time to get another one and do all the alterations etc. Someone tell me I will stop feeling like this soon!

OP posts:
Raspberrytruffle · 17/06/2019 19:35

Looks like the ex bridesmaid has gotten her just deserts, everyone will know what a devious cow she is. Op I'm sorry but she's not your friend to do this Flowers

CocoMoco86 · 17/06/2019 20:01

First I want to say how sad this makes me feel for you. But know that your special day isn't ruined and there will be so many magical things to remember on that day. But I would let this "friend" know that she hurt you and that you cant have her part of your big day. When you confronted her the first and last things out of her mouth should have been "I'm sorry I will take it down." Nothing more nothing less. That is just down right a nasty thing to do to someone and not something a friend does to another friend.

Kick her to the curb and enjoy your wedding!!!!

3luckystars · 17/06/2019 20:13

What have your friends and family said about this?

She needs to be cut off completely.

LynetteScavo · 17/06/2019 20:49

I got married 20 years ago before FB and social media were a thing.

This is the equivalent of my bridesmaid taking my wedding dress around to my fiancé's house and showing him the dress.

He would have thought she'd lost the plot. And he'd have a point.

Orchidflower1 · 17/06/2019 21:05

Op what has been the response from your fiancé? Has he blocked the maidzilla?

MOMofBride1 · 17/06/2019 21:17

This makes me soooo sad for you....this is not a true friend, or one at the level of someone you would ask to be in your wedding. Both of my children got married in the last 12 months and I would have felt so bad for them if a friend did that. She owes you a massive apology, not excuses. My advice of one....Shake it off, and be so big and confident that you are marrying your guy and never speak of it again, and if people ask you about it, say I would rather not discuss that deception.

Malvinaa81 · 17/06/2019 21:22

There's no going back, it's done.

Yes annoyance and anger are reasonable.

I'd say she was just totally thoughtless- but if you feel it was deliberate, you won't want her as bridesmaid.

Good luck.

yosemitemyrna · 17/06/2019 21:40

Your day WILL be one of the best days of your life...you are marrying the man you love, your family and real friends will be there to help you celebrate this momentous occasion.

As for your bridesmaid friend (?) that tried to sabotage your day... it's unbelievable that someone would attempt to hurt you as you prepare for your wedding day. At least you found out what kind of person she is BEFORE she is able to cause more problem on "your day". Excluding her from the wedding is totally understandable. "With friends like that who needs enemies...". At least she's flying the big "red flag" on social media sites, it warns people of the type of "friendship" you can expect from her. You and all who are aware of her actions are warned. You can keep her in your circle of friends knowing full well, you can and will experience more of her insensitive and hurtful nature...Or, you can leave her at the sidelines while you move forward, happily without her. She will no longer be able to cause any more distress in your life in the guise of "friendship".
Best wishes to you and your husband for a wonderful, blessed future together.

VampirateQueen · 17/06/2019 21:47

Hey I don't know wether you know or not, but the sun has picked up this thread.

karren0213 · 17/06/2019 21:54

PLEASE drop that bridesmaid as fast as possible. She is not a friend to you at all. She probably falls into the category of someone "you just hang out with." How dare she take photos and post them, how dare she say to you that "it doesn't matter." Seems like she is a disrespectful person all the time. PLEASE, kick her out of your wedding. You should be surrounded by people who love and care for you, not some nasty bitch.

Ifeelbloodyawful · 18/06/2019 11:49

OP?

Stillonthatbloodycomputer · 18/06/2019 12:09

LET HER COME TO YOUR WEDDING, just ensure that when your new DH gives his speech he includes a back handed compliment to her in sharing the photo on FB by thanking her for the SNEAK preview but it was nothing like the reality which is stunning, he'll get a round of applause and she'll be put back in her box, bit of passive aggressive goes a long way

Lweji · 18/06/2019 12:17

LET HER COME TO YOUR WEDDING

NO! DON'T DO THAT!!!

Just saying...

PepsiLola · 18/06/2019 12:33

I would send her a link to this thread and say sorry, you were seeking advice and didn't realise the press would pick it up... but this is about you.

Then tell her there and then "as you can see from all the responses, what you did was really fucking shitty, and I do not wish for you to be a part of my wedding"

Loopytiles · 18/06/2019 12:34

Another vote to fire and uninvite her.

Thehop · 18/06/2019 14:04

How are you OP?

beanaseireann · 18/06/2019 15:53

Brilliant post from Fromage...."Tell her she can come to the wedding only if she wears a cow onesie and explains to everyone why."

Do the above OP
Grin

Orchidflower1 · 18/06/2019 16:37

Op- please let us know how it went with the chat. X

Original poster
Titsntats · 18/06/2019 16:39

She saw The Suns post on Facebook Blush She sent a screenshot to me saying she assumed it was about her. Long story short she told me to suit myself and that she no longer feels wanted at my wedding so won't be providing her bridesmaid services

I don't know how I feel. I knew it was coming but still sad that a friendship is ruined. Although she can't have been a great friend to start with if she can shit all over my feelings/wishes like that

OP posts:
Original poster
Titsntats · 18/06/2019 16:41

Also think I can confidently say no affair or interests in my DP as she is besotted with hers and trying desperately to fix her own relationship

OP posts:
AskMeHow · 18/06/2019 16:45

Still no apology then?

Yes, it's sad. But it's for the best. I sincerely hope she doesn't think she's coming as a guest either, never mind withdrawing her services as bridesmaid. Lol!

thepartysover · 18/06/2019 16:56

Astonishing to have that attitude after so blatantly disregarding your feelings. On what is hardly a decisive subject. Publicly.

You are truly better off without someone like that. Hope everything from now onwards goes beautifully for your wedding. SmileThanks

Pinkcat231 · 18/06/2019 16:58

It should have made her realise how wrong she was but sounds like she’s got a me, me, me mentality and even though she’s upset you when you’re the one getting married, all she’s worried about is herself.

We all know she’ll suddenly want the big wedding when she manages to get a proposal but until then you can’t trust her to be at yours and not cause even more drama.

Reply and agree that she shouldn’t be your bridesmaid or attend then forget about her and enjoy your day. Don’t give her the satisfaction of ruining it Smile

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 18/06/2019 16:58

she no longer feels wanted at my wedding so won't be providing her bridesmaid services
Thank her for making it easy for you both to go your separate ways.

Lweji · 18/06/2019 17:00

Is anyone really surprised by how she reacted?
This is a person who thought it was a good idea to publish her friend's wedding dress trial and tag the groom, FFS.

I hope she's learnt her lesson, but somehow I doubt it.