To wonder why people have children when they clearly put their career first, by having a 24hr maternity nurse from day one and a full-time nanny from 3 months?

[gogetter]

Call me old fashioned but why bother when you are going to see your child for maybe an hour a day on weekdays?
It's not financially needed for mum to return to work (far from) so why leave your teeny weeny baby with a nanny during the most amazing time of their lifes?

A bit strange I fear!

ok specific example-maveta. Why does the dad not give up HIS job then?

I can think of a lot of fine reasons-finance, becuase their self-worth is tied up with their job, etc etc

but I know from experience that theres a decent chance that its that men just don't do that sort of thing.

Then she grabbed her teddy that sings, and danced around the kitchen, swinging him (too adorable).

I don't know this moms situtation but when I worked I felt sick with guilt everytime I dropped DS2 off at daycare. He hated it and would cry hysterically and cling to my leg. If I could have afforded one person to stay at home, it may have helped.

The other small point is that you cannot really go back p/t and be taken seriously.

I went back 30 hours (down from 35) after ds was born. We juggled everything round so he was only in nursery about 15 hours a week, though WE never saw each other.

But my god, what a change. And my job was for an organisation that really should have been flagshipping career advancement for p/tmers , etc. No. I came to the conclusion that if I did want to advance my career I'd actually be better off taking time out and going back full steam when the kids were at school.

(this was when I planned for the kids to be at school)

oh GOD at this thread

well in this specific example there is no Dad. Her partner is a girl and although she actually earns considerably less I don´t think it has occurred to either of them that either of them stay home with the baby. In fact, for all I know her partner will stay at home. But they´re going to have a maternity nurse and nanny aswell either way..

got to go.. baby crying.. no nanny

um
we have one thread bemoaning parents returning to work
and another berating parents for not working

typical mumsnet!

What do you mean - a 24hr maternity nurse? One person won't be working 24 hours a day!!!

I had someone to help me when ds1 was born (MIL was around for ds2) - frankly, I could not have done it on my own. And, yes, I found the first six months inexpressibly dull - I didn't find my children remotely interesting until they were toddlers and could walk and talk. But that's me - some people adore babies and all that stuff so good for them. Why do you care what this woman does? I'm sure the parents are paying for excellent care for their baby.

ah, but people were quick enough to judge the poster who left her premature baby to go off to the caribian?

I think the op isn't necessarily referring to all parents as such but to those that essentially deliver their baby into the waiting arms of the nanny and then go back to their lives as if nothing's changed.

I too wonder why people like this have children - not the ones that have to go back to work out of financial/psychological necessity, but those for whom a baby is almost a token - they can afford everything else in life so why not have a baby as well. Lots of celebs do this, no?

Have to say my personal views are entirely with the op which is why I ahve chosen to work part time (and disagree with the poster who said its impossible to be taken seriously pt)

However they are just that - my personal views for how I want to live my life and bring up my children. I don't really know how you think you can judge someone else for making this choice. No doubt its one they've thought about and have come to a choice as to what is right for them. What is one person's cup of tea would be a nightmare to someone else which is why life is so interesting - everyone is differenct. I think you are actually well out of order for being so judgemental bout this

i agree with leatis first point

dads do this all the time and it is considered entirely normal

and sometimes i think a professional would do a far better job than me

so i reckon live and let live!

A very good thread if I do say so myself

ive just thought of one of the little boys in my dd's class - his parents have both worked full time since he was very young

and he is probably the nicest, most popular and intelligent little boy i know

when i have seen him with mum and dad they all seem very happy

newgirl - I could say the same about the little boy whose house (well, his parents' house!) we bought a few months ago. He seems extremely kind and happy. He has been in f-t nursery since 5 months old, both parents work f-t in long hours. (They are lovely too)

I still wouldn't choose that lifestyle for me and ds, I might add, but different strokes for different folks and all that.

I have to say, now being the mum of a toddler I do wonder at this whole 'most amazing time of their lives' thing - yes, internally, there is a heck of a lot going on but for the parent of a small baby it is Dull Central. I would much rather be able to spread the leave over a long period of time to support p-t working.

gogetter, your posts talk specifically of mums. As has already been mentioned on here, the issue of dads and our expectations of them seems wildly at odds. I work f-t, my dh is a SAHD, but because he's chronically ill he's not able to look after ds full-time, so he goes to a childminder in the morning. I doubt you were intending to judge me (although you can if you like) but maybe you shouldn't presume to know all the circumstances surrounding another family's choices.

oh for fucks sake [rolls eyes]

Why do people say they couldn't have coped without help (unless they had medical/physcological stuff going on)? Loads of mums cope with one or more kids, have no help and just have to get on with it. I have four kids and apart from a great Dh had no-one to help. If you want kids have them, look after them and get on with it. What is the point in having kids to put them into full time care?! It's four/five years until they go to school and part time work is available, you have to choose sometimes, kids/career. Ask all the people trying to have kids what they'd choose. I am a working mum, but worked round my kids. Yes, life was hard sometimes but I was there to take them to school, and pick them up. I spent hours doing "boring" stuff with them and went to evry sports day etc I could. I appreciate that some women have brilliant careers and think that life is really unfair to penalise women for being women and wrecking/delaying their careers, but at the end of the day, kids are only there for a while. If you're good enough, jobs will come again, kids won't.

at op

I have nothing against working mums/dads, just stating a view. I applaud all parents for coping with whatever life throws at them.

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO THICK AS TO CONTINUE ASSUMING THAT ALL PARENTS WHO WORK FULL-TIME OUTSIDE THE HOME HAVE THE CHOICE TO WORK PART-TIME OR STAY HOME?

Where are you living? Cuz it ain't in most peoples' world.

I left my first at 2months and the second at 4months for NO OTHER reason than that we would be unable to pay rent, council tax and power - or food - if I didn't.

GET A CLUE!

I was never broody, didn't want to have children, but eventually had them and discovered I didn't want to go back to work and didn't give a fig about my career.

However, now I am looking for work I have gaping holes in my CV and am a bit worried about the pension situation.

The women who do go straight back to work f/t (sometimes with o/n stays away from home) may well do so for financial and career security, taking a long term view. They may not be too bothered about the baby stage, but don't want to miss out on having adult offspring in their declining years.

why not stop judging other people's lives and start living your own?

Really annoys me this - unless it is abuse, quite frankly it is none of your business.

They probably have a few criticisms of your parenting too.

Totally disagree with he posters who say that coming back p/t means they wont be taken seriously. One mum came back p/t in our organisation as Ops director (new role) and awhile back I was quite ill and away from work for 3 months - returned on 4 days a week and since then my responsibilities have grown not diminished. As I get ready to leave on maternity leave - am recruiting to grow the team and pass the crown over to someone else. It surely is the quality of the work you do when you are there, but of course the organisation has to recognise that too.

YABU to the OP - what does it matter to you what others choose to do with their children? Each to their own i say.

Here here dal21! (Is this going to be the next alcohol thread I wonder! )

Hi Alicet Depends which posters stumble across the thread methinks!

Had PND so badly you wanted to chew your own limbs off, Jollymum, did you?

OH, I am torn, can see where the OP comes from , but then, I know that nothing is ever that straightforward and there are reasons most of the time why people do as they do.

Must admit, I saw a programme a couple of years ago, and there waas some seriously rich people with mums being sahm anywya, but they still had fulltime nannies and even took them on Holidays, and in those cases teh parents had no relationship whatsoever with those Kids, and I did feel sorry for the Kids.....but I know that isn't always the case...they showed them for a reason...they were contraversial viewing...