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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my rage justified?

119 replies

Catmum26 · 14/06/2019 21:24

My DH annoys me almost daily for a variety of reasons (currently discussing separating so maybe i’m more touchy than usual atm) but the thing that annoys me the most and that has tipped my rage to boiling point this evening is i have just spent a good half hour cleaning the bathroom between trying to deal with a clingy grizzly 9 month old because DH has invited a load of his family over on sunday for father’s day for dinner (which i will be cooking) in our rather small 2 bed house and a dining table that sits 2. Anyway every time i clean the bathroom he chooses that day to do a monster toilet blocking shit or shave his beard or trim his balls which means a storm of hairs covering the bathroom. today he has just had a bath and left what looks like a yeti has shaved its entire body in the bathtub. he’s left his towel screwed up on the floor, toothpaste all in the sink, shower gel open and dripping down the bath, talc from his ball polishing on the floor.
i dont shout even though i’m fuming, i just say ‘DH I have cleaned the bathroom less than an hour ago and you have left it in a right state could you go and tidy it up please’ (considering i’ve just spent an hour trying to get our child to sleep whilst you had a leisurely soak.) And do you know what the bastard said...

‘OH WELL’

i’m so fuming and hate his guts right now. AIBU or am i justified in feeling so much hate?

OP posts:
FizzBuzzBangWoof · 14/06/2019 21:26

YANBU!

Soubriquet · 14/06/2019 21:27

Oh god I would LTB

He obviously does not respect you since
A) he doesn’t ask if it’s ok to have family round on Sunday (it should be discussed not told)
B) he obviously doesn’t help around the house
C) he has no respect for when things are clean and tidy

Anniegetyourgun · 14/06/2019 21:27

What a pity that you will be too busy re-cleaning the bathroom to cook his special dinner eh?

Wildworks · 14/06/2019 21:28

Yanbu. Kill him? Slowly? But outdoors, on the compost heap or somewhere, not in the bathroom.

Brefugee · 14/06/2019 21:28

So leave it. (just scrub the bits you need before you use it) don't cook, don't shop and when they turn up and nothing is done say "he invited you..."

4under4our · 14/06/2019 21:29

YANBU. What a tosspot!

WePutTheSpringinSpringfield · 14/06/2019 21:30

Fuck him.

Go out on Sunday. Seriously. Just don’t be there. Let him deal with it. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t care.

Fuck him.

CruellaFeinberg · 14/06/2019 21:30

@Brefugee
So leave it. (just scrub the bits you need before you use it) don't cook, don't shop and when they turn up and nothing is done say "he invited you..."

this a hundred million times over

MonkeyTrap · 14/06/2019 21:30

Twat.

I had an ex BF that thought women were born to serve men. I had a similar thing happen (muddy foot prints on bathroom floor) he said “clean it again then” and was totally sincere.

YANBU.

Calic0 · 14/06/2019 21:30

Well, of course you’re not being unreasonable.

I’m often genuinely baffled though about how many grown men there are in the world (or, at least, on Mumsnet) who think this kind of thing is acceptable. Is this new behaviour from him or has he always been like this? If the former, perhaps he is “acting out” because of the impending separation. If the latter...how have you put up with it long enough to not only get married but procreate?

MonkeyTrap · 14/06/2019 21:31

Go out on Sunday. Seriously. Just don’t be there. Let him deal with it. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t care.

This!

Leeds2 · 14/06/2019 21:31

Go out on Sunday. Leave him with your little one to look after, and cook for, his family.

ReganSomerset · 14/06/2019 21:32

In all seriousness, OP, go out for the day on Sunday. Leave him to sort the food and house.

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 14/06/2019 21:32

What a twat. Please don't tidy up after him. And if it's still a mess by Sunday they'll no doubt see the hair etc. and know it's him anyway.

nzeire · 14/06/2019 21:32

Arghhhhhhhh!
I hate him too!

ReganSomerset · 14/06/2019 21:32

Ha! Cross post.

cheeseislife8 · 14/06/2019 21:33

YANBU! My DH always decides to trim his beard directly after I've cleaned the bathroom. He's always contrite after I've huffed and puffed a bit, but your DHs reaction would infuriate me!

pokepoke · 14/06/2019 21:36

YANBU!

Take Sunday off and let him entertain them since he invited them!

Chesntoots · 14/06/2019 21:37

I would fuck off out on Sunday too (actually, from Saturday afternoon really...)

RedDogsBeg · 14/06/2019 21:38

Separate sooner rather than later, what is the point in sharing your life and space with someone so disrespectful of you? I would go out for the day on Sunday and leave him to it, why should you put yourself out for someone so selfish and inconsiderate?

Pearlfish · 14/06/2019 21:40

DO NOT cook dinner for his family on Sunday. Seriously.

Drum2018 · 14/06/2019 21:44

He's invited his family for Sunday - you should arrange to visit someone, anyone, go shopping, anything to get out of the house and leave him to it. Do not spend your afternoon cooking for him/his family when he has such little respect for you.

Original poster
Catmum26 · 14/06/2019 21:45

@Calic0 unfortunately he has always been this way, i put up with it because stupidly love had clouded my judgement for the last 10 years and i always made excuses for him. i think his affair when i was pregnant made me see him differently and i can barely tolerate him anymore.

Those of you saying leave it and don’t cook the dinner etc. of course you are all correct and i’d be saying the same to you if roles were reversed however I am much too kind for my own good sometimes and would feel incredibly guilty especially as it’s his first father’s day i still want to make it special for him even though he is a massive penis.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/06/2019 21:50

So how badly does he need to behave before you realise it's not your job to make anything special for him?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 14/06/2019 21:52

Pleeeeeaaaase tell me you didn't clear up after him!