Is my rage justified?

[Catmum26]

My DH annoys me almost daily for a variety of reasons (currently discussing separating so maybe i’m more touchy than usual atm) but the thing that annoys me the most and that has tipped my rage to boiling point this evening is i have just spent a good half hour cleaning the bathroom between trying to deal with a clingy grizzly 9 month old because DH has invited a load of his family over on sunday for father’s day for dinner (which i will be cooking) in our rather small 2 bed house and a dining table that sits 2. Anyway every time i clean the bathroom he chooses that day to do a monster toilet blocking shit or shave his beard or trim his balls which means a storm of hairs covering the bathroom. today he has just had a bath and left what looks like a yeti has shaved its entire body in the bathtub. he’s left his towel screwed up on the floor, toothpaste all in the sink, shower gel open and dripping down the bath, talc from his ball polishing on the floor.
i dont shout even though i’m fuming, i just say ‘DH I have cleaned the bathroom less than an hour ago and you have left it in a right state could you go and tidy it up please’ (considering i’ve just spent an hour trying to get our child to sleep whilst you had a leisurely soak.) And do you know what the bastard said...

‘OH WELL’

i’m so fuming and hate his guts right now. AIBU or am i justified in feeling so much hate?

you seriously really don't have to make anything special for him. You owe him absolutely nothing.

What did he do for Mother's Day
If you can - is there somewhere you can stay tonight until tomorrow afternoon?

A bathroom covered in his mess won't ruin his fathers day. I'd leave it there for all to see. Just clean the bits that I had to use...

I've done it before. All housework was left to me so I literally stopped doing it. After plates and clothes ran out, he started doing something.

A 'good dad' dies not stick his penis in another woman's vagina when his wife is pregnant... And you seriously want to make his first fathers day special?! Go out with your baby around 10am and stay out all day if you can. Coffee shops, pub lunch, museum, babe in arms cinema showing, whatever is available nearby. And get the hell out of this so called marriage as soon as possible.

I hope you feel a bit better after venting on here.

Unfortunately your husband is right. The only thing to say to someone prepared to put up with this shit and still make the effort to convince themselves that he’s a good dad, and deserves a lovely obedient wifey slaving away cleaning and cooking for his family while he literally shits on your hard work, is “oh well”.

You’d feel guilty about not cooking him dinner but he clearly does not feel guilty about sticking his penis in another woman while you were pregnant with his child.

You are worth more than that, your son deserves better than growing up seeing his mother disrespected in her own home. He’ll grow up thinking that’s ok and that’s the way to treat women, do you want that?

Leave it, then when his family appear he can tell them why its in a state as I would be going elsewhere for the day and he can cook his own meal, Father’s Day or not

How is he a good day? Does he take son out for the day so you can have a rest? Give you a lie in once a week? Bath son every night when he comes in from work? I think I know the answer.
How can you forgive him for an affair when you were carrying his child? Does his family know?
I’d go out too. Give him a card and present from his son (same as he did for you) but then leave him to the rest of the day while you take yourself off to see your own father maybe?

I’m sorry you are having a hard time being married to such a shit. But, you really need to not be a mug, it is NOT your responsibility to make Father’s Day special. He has shat on you from a great height. Have some respect for yourself and tell him to fuck off.
I hope things get better for you.

Good dad that should say !

Seriously do not be doing all that for Father's Day, fuck him! Not sure why you would if you're separating anyway and I'm guessing your DC is too young to know what's going on anyway. Leave the DC with him and his family and go out and do something for you...and don't tidy the bathroom

This man has no respect for you. You are not being kind by cooking tomorrow you are being a complete mug. He cheated on you whilst pregnant, he leaves you to cook, clean and look after the baby, then leaves the bathroom in a state as a final way of saying fuck you. And your response to this is cook him a nice meal?? Jesus christ, what a life.

One of the main roles of “a good dad” is to model behaviour for his children. Your son will grow up thinking that this is how men/partners behave. Do you want him to treat his future partner the way you are treated?

OP, you may think you're being kind but you're being a doormat. You're enabling his lazy behaviour and making twice as much work for yourself

Time for a word with yourself.

I'm sorry but not a chance in hell I'd be cooking for his family, who he's invited, after he dipped his wick elsewhere while you were growing his child. FUCK THAT.

I had an ex whose family were invited over for dinner, all planned - happy to have them. I was OCD at this point anyway but went to extra effort to ensure everything was immaculate.

My ex and I had separate bedrooms as he snored and became aggressive when he woke. We also had separate bathrooms.

Dinner is fine. One guest used the guest bathroom - not a drama. Then my ex’s mother decided she would use my ex’s en-suite instead of waiting for the guest bathroom to become available.

Once she has returned to the dinner table she told everyone the state of the bathroom was appalling (he hadn’t cleaned his shit stains from the bowl).

She then proceeded to explain to me (at the dinner table in front of everyone) how to clean the toilet.

The other guest returned at the same time and commented on the water pressure of the cistern. I explained it was tree roots and my ex just needed to contact the department to report it (government rental property through his work).

Then my ex declares I had blocked the toilet and was blaming tree roots. No one believed me.

Weeks later, after finally reporting it and a plumber coming out it was proven that tree roots had broken through a pipe.

I hated my ex that night and it was indicative of his behaviour toward me for the rest of our relationship.

This guy doesn’t respect you. I would arrange to be somewhere else when his family arrive.

Don’t clean the bathroom and don’t make the dinner. I’d go out and let him deal with it all. You owe him nothing

He's treating you like an absolute mug.

🤢 🤢 🤢 How can you muster the enthusiasm to actually have sex with this person!!

As the mother of a darling daughter, my stomach tightens with stress when I read threads like this.

What brings a good, kind woman to place where she imagines it's ok to be treated like this?

Op0, best of luck, you deserve more than this twat.

despite his flaws as a husband, he is a good dad and i’m torn with what is best for my son.

No he is not. A good dad doesn't model behaviour for his son that includes expecting women to clean up after him and cheating on them. Is that the type of future husband you want to create for someone?