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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my rage justified?

119 replies

Catmum26 · 14/06/2019 21:24

My DH annoys me almost daily for a variety of reasons (currently discussing separating so maybe i’m more touchy than usual atm) but the thing that annoys me the most and that has tipped my rage to boiling point this evening is i have just spent a good half hour cleaning the bathroom between trying to deal with a clingy grizzly 9 month old because DH has invited a load of his family over on sunday for father’s day for dinner (which i will be cooking) in our rather small 2 bed house and a dining table that sits 2. Anyway every time i clean the bathroom he chooses that day to do a monster toilet blocking shit or shave his beard or trim his balls which means a storm of hairs covering the bathroom. today he has just had a bath and left what looks like a yeti has shaved its entire body in the bathtub. he’s left his towel screwed up on the floor, toothpaste all in the sink, shower gel open and dripping down the bath, talc from his ball polishing on the floor.
i dont shout even though i’m fuming, i just say ‘DH I have cleaned the bathroom less than an hour ago and you have left it in a right state could you go and tidy it up please’ (considering i’ve just spent an hour trying to get our child to sleep whilst you had a leisurely soak.) And do you know what the bastard said...

‘OH WELL’

i’m so fuming and hate his guts right now. AIBU or am i justified in feeling so much hate?

OP posts:
SquishySquirmy · 14/06/2019 21:53

He had an affair while you were pregnant?
And YOU would feel guilty for not skivying after him on Father's day?
His first father's Day will be special. He will spend it with his lovely son. He does not need you to bend over backwards and slave away to make it special! (And you know he won't appreciate the effort anyway, if he has no consideration for a just cleaned bathroom).
If he needs a big roast dinner and a tidy house to make his first father's Day special, he can do it himself!
He's not YOUR dad anyway, so you're not really obliged to "make it special" for him.

Don't be a martyr. You will just feel worse.
Go out for the day instead.

MrsCBY · 14/06/2019 21:55

I am much too kind for my own good sometimes and would feel incredibly guilty especially as it’s his first father’s day

That’s not kindness. That’s shockingly low self esteem.

Sorry.

MrsCBY · 14/06/2019 21:58

Oh and of course YANBU, your rage is justified - but pointless if you’re going to keep treating him like a prince no matter how appallingly he behaves.

justasking111 · 14/06/2019 21:58

Go out for the day, take photos of his pubic hairs etc. send to his parents and say this is another reason why I am leaving the two timing bastard so there will be no dinner on Sunday.

TheInvestigator · 14/06/2019 21:58

You’re not being kind, you’re being a doormat. And you have a child; do you want them to grow up thinking that this is how men and women should behave?

He had an affair before baby was born and now does bugger all parenting or household stuff? He hasn’t exactly earned Father’s Day, has he?

Go out on Sunday, all day.

carly2803 · 14/06/2019 22:00

its definately not kind that OP sorry = its being a doormat!!

Just go out for the day, you dont need to do him a big dinner to make it special - whata bout next year? same again when you arnt living together? nope.

If he wasnt such a cock they yes i would say cook the meal and be nice for your child but to be honest sod him.

selfishcrab · 14/06/2019 22:00

Did he make your pregnancy special ...
Ask yourself why he deserves this kindness, love, respect when he showed you none!

Calic0 · 14/06/2019 22:00

Why on earth does he get to have a special Father’s Day if he has behaved like a massively entitled, selfish twatbadger for 10 years??

TheGrapefulDread · 14/06/2019 22:01

I’d make it memorable , not special !

FancyAPint · 14/06/2019 22:02

Nanny0gg Fri 14-Jun-19 21:50:42
So how badly does he need to behave before you realise it's not your job to make anything special for him?

^This and

You’re not being kind, you’re being a doormat. And you have a child; do you want them to grow up thinking that this is how men and women should behave?

He had an affair before baby was born and now does bugger all parenting or household stuff? He hasn’t exactly earned Father’s Day, has he?

Go out on Sunday, all day.

^This

Sorry to be harsh OP but he isn't about to start respecting you when you aren't giving yourself respect
Flowers You are worth more than this...

EL8888 · 14/06/2019 22:02

He’s a class A arsehole clearly. The bathroom thing wasn’t great, then you throw in an affair while you were pregnant. Surely that cheapened the whole thing (no judgement on you) so why a special Father’s Day?! What do you want for an encore him fucking your Mum or sister?! My ex-husband had an affair with my friend and we are finished. I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour

WhiteRedRose · 14/06/2019 22:02

You're beingna doormat OP. Walk. Baby in arms and don't look back.

WatchingFromTheWings · 14/06/2019 22:03

Given your update I'd definitely go out and leave him to it! And as it's his first Father's Day, leave him with the baby. I'd arrange to go out with friends for a drink or 10 2! 🍷 🍸

Mythreefavouritethings · 14/06/2019 22:03

If separation is on the cards this is just a very long slow pull of the plaster. Me, I’d rip it about now. If this does come to separation, his parents are going to be seeing this for what it is anyway. I know you’ll go ahead anyway but agree with others, this is just perpetuating an already humiliating and degrading situation. Sorry, OP, I really don’t think you needed to ask though, did you?

TixieLix · 14/06/2019 22:03

Just out of interest OP, what was Mother's Day like? Did he do lots to make it special for you?

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/06/2019 22:05

I’m stunned. I was seething for you from your first post but then you casually drop in that he had an affair when you were pregnant? Well fuck him, fuck his family and fuck his special first Father’s Day. What on earth are you doing running around after him and being kind? Are you insane? Seriously, get a grip and take yourself out for the day on Sunday. And then continue your discussions about separating. And if his family want to know why you’re not there I would tell them precisely why.

Mamia15 · 14/06/2019 22:05

Bloody hell - reading this has made me all ragey.

FFS, stop bending over backwards for this cheating selfish lazy wanker.

He does not deserve a decent Father's Day.

AnyFucker · 14/06/2019 22:06

You are your own worst enemy

What do you want us to say to a woman that puts up with this amount of shit and comes back for more because she "loves him"

Deadringer · 14/06/2019 22:09

May I ask what this shitbag did to make your first mother's day special?

HerRoyalNotness · 14/06/2019 22:09

Go out and take your DS with you. Feel the guilt, it doesn’t matter, at least you won’t be home slaving after him. Do you have a friend you can go to? Any family?

What a prize cock he is,
DO NOT DARE clean that bathroom

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 14/06/2019 22:09

He had an affair when you were pregnant and you're thinking you have to give him a nice first father's day?!

He wasn't thinking about being a father while shacking up with another someone else was he???

If you're feeling generous.... card. Maybe a novelty keyring. That's it. Fin. Dinner for his folks? Nope!!

Original poster
Catmum26 · 14/06/2019 22:10

thank you all for your comments. every single one of you are correct, i know that. the crazy thing is i feel guilty bad mouthing him despite everything and i know that’s issues i have within myself. i’ve been going backwards and forwards with how i feel about separating mainly because despite his flaws as a husband, he is a good dad and i’m torn with what is best for my son.
the things you guys are saying is putting it into perspective for me

OP posts:
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/06/2019 22:12

My dp can't be a dick but even he would have run away rather than say that. Honestly how did you not make him eat the hair?
Grow some balls. You n your child deserve better. He cheated on you while he was pregnant kick him our and tell his family who he invite round why.

NauseousMum · 14/06/2019 22:14

You are not too nice OP, you are letting him treat you as a fool. The bathroom shows his attitude to your niceness.

What did he do for mothers day out of interest?

AntiHop · 14/06/2019 22:14

What is best for your son is not to grow up seeing his role model behave like that. His father can parent him without you two being a couple.