To think sharing night wakings can be so important?

[Bumpitybumper]

Whenever I see a thread posted by a SAHM or woman on maternity leave complaining that their partner does not get up enough with their child in the night, there will inevitably be a number of posters that express the view that the working partner's sleep should be preserved above all else and basically the mother should willingly push herself to the point of exhaustion. The logic is always that the working parent needs a full night's sleep because they work and I have seen this extended to all jobs, not just those that are physically/mentally demanding or those that are safety critical. The OPs of these threads are usually absolutely knackered, desperate for some support and I do wonder what it would take for some people to accept that a person still needs a certain amount of sleep to safely function as a human and parent even if they don't need to go to work the next day

I then read this story:www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7142159/Mother-jailed-killed-grandmother-car-crash-fell-asleep-wheel.html

For those not wanting to click, it's basically a really sad story about a mother who killed a woman as a result of falling asleep at the wheel of her car following a disrupted night of sleep with her child. I think the mother in this instance was back at work, but it really highlighted the importance of making sure that the interrupted sleep that children bring is shared between parents wherever possible in a way that makes sure that both parties can carry out their activities and duties in a safe way. Realistically SAHPs and women on maternity leave will do loads of things that require a decent level of concentration (driving, walking to town, supervising kids etc) and it is in everyone's interests to make sure that they aren't unintentionally falling asleep or losing focus whilst undertaking these activities.

I would never have left my kids to cry at night as in my views if they woke up crying loud enough to wake me up, they had a distressing reason to do it.

However, I was much more strict with nap time that was imposed to my toddler at the same time than baby. That was my time to either chill out, do something for me, or get an hour or so sleep which helped a lot.

Crying for naps was usually crying from over tiredness much different than nighttime and much easier to manage into a good routine.

I agree. And there are different levels of exhaustion. My DT’s woke every hour their first year! I was barely coping. I also BF them (they were bottle refusers). In the end my (now) ex got up nearly every feed to change them and bring them to be. I don’t know how I survived that year without having a complete breakdown. And if their father had not of been helping by bringing them to me, I really think they would have been at risk of being injured.

We went to sleep school when they were 1 and the advice was that their dad should settle them over night. They were never going to settle for me because they just wanted to nurse. I think it’s a cop out to say that just because a baby breastfeeds that the father can’t help. And the comment about being able sleeping during the day is laughable... I would have killed for a nap!

Obviously every situation is different, but I find it very sad that a husband/partner would be happy to watch and do nothing if the mother of his children is seriously exhausted.

I don't think this tragic accident illustrates your point at all op, anyone could be suffering from exhaustion due to a myriad of reasons, and be a danger on the road. Surely parents have to sort out their dcs night wakings in a way that best suits their own family, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Fwiw I did the majority if not all night wakings when on maternity leave and that suited us. What other parents do is simply none of my or your business. I would never get behind the wheel of a car if I had had virtually no sleep, just as I wouldn't if I had had a drink.

It depends on your circumstances. My H worked nights so wasn’t there 5 nights a week. I was bf so he couldn’t do anything anyway. I co-slept which meant that even though DS woke often I still got some rest and I would also rest with him while he fed/slept.

To think sharing night wakings can be so important?

It can be, but isn’t always. The most important thing is that the couple agree on the best strategy for them.

Night wakings isn’t the only way to share the load.

My DP is a HGV driver. When DD was still waking I would do all the night feeds when he was at work. If I was tired I can just stay at home and be a zombie. He could kill someone. Weekends and days off fair enough for him to get up though!