AIBU about being upset that my ex left the kids with a childminder on a school night

[Dadwithquestions43]

AIBU about being upset that my ex left the kids with a childminder on a school night with the childminder taking the kids to school the following morning to celebrate finishing a course when three days later she had a entire weekend without them where she could have partied her socks off. It's the school night not the fact that she wanted to celebrate her course? B is 8 G is 13? Honest opinions welcome

Why does it matter that its a school night? I don't see why you'd object to it just on the principle she should never go anywhere on a school night. The important thing is, were the kids safe and well looked after?

Why would that upset you? Was she out celebrating with other people on the same course? Maybe they arranged the date? Don’t see that it’s a biggy either way.

I don't see the issue. We aren't talking about babies here. Unless you have concerns about the childminder?

If she has finished her course and that is when the night out was then she needed a babysitter/childminder. I am sure it was probably a one off. Adults are allowed to go out on a weeknight and make provision for the children.

You're annoyed that she left the kids with a responsible childcare provider? YABU.

I think it's fine. I presume the childminder is a competent person and the children were safe and happy.

Is this a reverse?

Depends.

If you would have preferred to keep the kids yourself, and she spitefully ignore that, fair enough. It is a very slippery slope though, so not a great solution.

If she is handling her own part, and making her own arrangements, she really is doing what every other parent is doing.

I can't see why being a school night make any difference -realistically they go to bed earlier and they would see much more of her at the weekend. They also go to school so she can sleep off any hangover, whilst she'll have them at the weekend. Sounds fairly reasonable.

I am amazed she find a night-child minder!

Whose night was it? As far as I am aware it's for whoever has them that night to arrange childcare for a night out.

Or are you bothered that she didn't wait til the weekend? Why? Why do you care what your ex does in their own time?

Sounds as though she still made sure the dc were well looked after and with someone they know and she trusts.
Maybe the night out was planned for the day they finished and 'partying at the weekend' wasn't an option.
Well done her for studying and completing her course, not easy when you're a parent.

Oh! Are you annoyed she didn't give you first refusal? I'm so confused.

She has a right to go out. Are you seriously expecting that she should never go out for the night?

If what you mean is, we have a really good relationship and I would more than happily have had them, perhaps you have an argument. Other than that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t see the problem. The DC aren’t babies and were adequately and safely looked after and attended school the following day.

It’s not as if she left them home alone, I can see you’d perhaps think she might have asked you for a favour in having them but ultimately she arranged alternative childcare.

Presumably all the course attendees arranged the night out between them and wanted to celebrate at the course end, not a few days later.

How many days a week / fortnight do you have them, and are you saying that her social life must be confined to those days until they’ve both left home?

Are your control issues the reason she chose to be your ex?

Not your night, not your business.

You sound like a prick!

Your ex wanted to celebrate completing a course whilst (presumably) bringing up two kids as a single parent. Why are you begrudging him or her that?

If she'd left the kids alone perhaps you have a point but to be honest the childcare arrangements your ex makes on his/her time are bugger all to do with you if the children are safe and happy.

Not your business; if she did it every week then you could ask to have them that night but otherwise not your business

Depends on your arrangements. Would you have normally had them or is your point that she should go out on the nights when the kids are with you?

Did you offer to have them and your ex refused? Or did you refuse to have them and ex made alternate arrangements instead?

On the face of it, no she is not unreasonable to have professional and acceptable child care for two kids if she wants to go out.

Oh my god! Older kids had a sleepover with a trustworthy adult on a school night.

I think you should log this with someone. Maybe call Childline.

None of your business.

Her time with them means she organises childcare.

You may have a point if this was all the time and she was never home with them. Or a regular thing and you have been wanting more access time with the kids.

But as an occassional thing, yabu to think it's your business.

Thank you all - it's not something I would ever do as the I think the children's routine is more important than my social life and didn't understand why the celebration couldn't have waited until the weekend but the consensus here says it is ok - I haven't actually complained to the ex by the way

What makes you think their routine was disrupted? I imagine the childminder would have been charged with putting them to bed at their usual times?

I wonder what custody arrangement you have? 50/50? Or does the ex mostly have them? If the latter it's unfair to expect her to never use a babysitter and arrange everything on her every other weekend off.

1. routine is good for kids. But they aren't babies and are presumably familiar with the childminder. They really don't be affected in any way by this sleepover.

2. presumably the night out was for a group of people. It is nigh on impossible to find a suitable date when it's more than 2 people, the date was the date.

3. please rethink your mindset on co parenting and focus solely on what you do with the kids and their happiness generally. They weren't unhappy at the sleepover. So why should it even hit your radar?