AIBU about being upset that my ex left the kids with a childminder on a school night

[Dadwithquestions43]

AIBU about being upset that my ex left the kids with a childminder on a school night with the childminder taking the kids to school the following morning to celebrate finishing a course when three days later she had a entire weekend without them where she could have partied her socks off. It's the school night not the fact that she wanted to celebrate her course? B is 8 G is 13? Honest opinions welcome

But you only have them 2 nights out of 14. You can't possibly compare what you would do as you dont have a clue what her reality is.

I would seek advice regarding your controlling behaviour

They are 8 and 13 - a small break in routine won't make any difference. Couples go out and leave with babysitters and the like its no different - and yes that sometimes is the whole night. Eldest is nearly old enough to be left alone till bed time pretty much. You need to unclench

OP, serious question, do you ever go out on a weeknight?

Don't offer to have them on a school night OP, it'll mess up the routine, not to mention you'll possibly be paying maintenance for a night you have to feed them!

Yabu, get on with your own life instead of poking your nose in hers.

Also it really depends on the kids- our 8 year old has had issues with missing her dad when with me and me when with dad . She would be very sad at a childminders overnight.

Personally I wouldn't do it myself - because I can't imagine staying out that long partying (even for my degree). But she arranged a childminder and they were safe and well cared for. Probably the date was arranged by other coursemates and that's who she went with? YAB a bit U.

Do you ever go out on a weeknight OP?
It’s not something you’d ever do because you don’t have to. You have plenty of child free nights to go out. Your ex doesn’t, she has very little child free time.

I'm glad you're listening, OP. Because at 8 and 13 kids aren't routine bound. It's not as if they're babies/toddlers with a sleep routine! Your kids are of an age where they're adaptable (and actually need to experience change in order to become well functioning adults).

Perhaps this is one of those rare things: an AIBU where the OP really did just come in to ask whether HWBU?

Basically you're pissed off that your ex had a night out and you're trying to pretend that's it's out of concern for your children

Bloody hell I actually can't bring myself to articulate how ridiculous and controlling you sound.

Yabu, completely!

Glad that you aren't going to bring this up with your ex.

Do you really believe that your ex or any parent should not go out when they have their kids?

They were safe and looked after. Do you ever go out on a school night? She's allowed a life too

It's good that you agree that it's unreasonable to expect your ex to have no personal life for 12 out of 14 nights until her kids leave home.

As she paid for overnight care, I assume she doesn't have much family help either. Or would you object to that too?

Do you want the option of having your kids overnight if your ex goes out? Or do you want her to never go out? If it's the former, have a conversation with her about it. If it's the latter, have a conversation with yourself about it.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond - some truly colourful commentary and my question has been answered. I don't begrudge the mother of my children having time out to socialise but is something that I would still not consider - a babysitter for the evening by all means but for me overnight on a school night seemed to be a poor choice however, the common consensus here proves me wrong.

So basically you're saying she should never go out on a school night? It's all very well saying you wouldn't do the same but you see your DC a lot less than she does. YABVU.

You wouldn’t consider it because you don’t have to consider it. You never have them on a school night.

It sounds like you jut want to have a go for her not doing the lions share of the work the exact way you think it should be done.

It’s none of your business when she goes out.

I doubt she'd consider only seeing her children EOW.

It’s something you don’t need to consider because you have them twice a month. What’s sad is the mother of your children had to pay a childminder when she should have been able to leave them with you. Yabvu

So she's only allowed the option of going out 4 days a month?

I really can't see the difference between a school night and a weekend night in this situation. She's far better off without you.

It’s important to distinguish between “I wouldn’t do that/she’s not doing that as well as I think I would” and neglect.

Sorry, it’s hard I know, but all part of shared parenting. She made sure they had good, familiar care. Not much you can do even if you wouldn’t do it. (Neither would I for what it’s worth)