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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it ok to drink occasionally if you are an alcoholic

157 replies

Fibbke · 14/06/2019 09:53

And by alcoholic i mean drinking every day, needing alcohol first thing in the morning, drinking the equivalent of 3 bottles a day?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fibbke · 14/06/2019 15:24

What would happen if you said to her, "Actually, you're boring as fuck when you're drunk, and a total PITA"? How would that feel?
Amazing to be honest.

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 14/06/2019 15:37

When I was an active addict (drink and substance) there came a point where the kindest and most supportive thing people around me could do was to walk away and show me they would follow through with consequences.

One said he would check in with me once a month but no more and if I could not show changes in my behaviour then he would be too heartbroken to carry on speaking at all.

Losing those around you can of course result in a downward spiral BUT it can also result in harsh reality motivating you to address and change. By indulging their thought process or accepting they think they can drink in moderation at this early a stage you are enabling behaviour that should not fall to you to monitor.

I'm lucky in that the feeling of losing all my close friends and family was enough for me, I was so tired of my life and ashamed of my behaviour in the previous 3/4 years that I gave up both one day stone cold (HORRIBLE) and haven't relapsed but I do still think of drinking / abusing substances at low times.

I don't follow through because personally for me, it's never just one drink or one line. What's the point of it anyway? You won't be numb or high if you only have one glass or one line - you'll want more.

This is just my personal experience but the people who are once again my closest friends now I'm sober are the ones who were brutally honest with me which galvanised me to change.

I hope your loved one can find recovery too Thanks

Namechangeishard · 14/06/2019 15:44

Fibbke

Lovely poster here on AMA. Based on her replies it sounds as if your friend is not fully committed to quit.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/3551853-Im-30-years-sober-today-Ask-me-anything

TheSandman · 14/06/2019 17:22

I've not read all the thread but as an alcoholic who's on the wagon for 16 years I would say no, Don't.

Someone once said to me: "One drink is too many and two is not enough."

If you acknowledge ourself to be an alcoholic, then you need to be VERY careful about that part of you that wants to get back to the booze. It hasn't gone away. It never goes away. It lies. It'll tell you: "It's just one... It's just social... It would be rude not to...."

It's lying to you.

DontPressSendTooSoon · 14/06/2019 17:29

Rational Recovery is an excellent book/methodology for dealing with the sneaky lying addict voice that tells you/The addict that it's ok to indulge.

I'm using this method to deal with a junk food/sugar addiction at the moment and it's the only thing that's worked.

heath48 · 14/06/2019 17:48

No an Alcoholic can never take another Alcoholic drink.......ever.

There is some utter nonsense written on this thread,the post from codemonkey being one of them.

OP perhaps you could get to an Al-anon meeting? The people answering the helpline aren’t there to do counselling over the phone.

Youngandfree · 14/06/2019 17:50

No, and you would be foolish to think otherwise. Alcoholism is not something that is cured, once you have admitted to be alcoholic then you are always an alcoholic 😢

OliviaBenson · 14/06/2019 18:06

As a child of an alcoholic I implore you to contact social services. It's no life as a child and I wish someone had helped me when I was younger. It still affects my life today.

You can't stop your relative drinking, but you can help the child.

Original poster
Fibbke · 14/06/2019 18:07

No I am not going to contact social services. The dc knows if she wants to come to me that she can (sadly we live 150 miles away)

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 14/06/2019 18:58

So you can’t really help the DC from that distance. How old is she?

OliviaBenson · 14/06/2019 19:01

You cannot help from 150miles away. You are happy to see them drink drive with the child in the car then? You are happy to leave a vulnerable young person with an alcoholic? Shame on you for not getting SS involved.

LJdorothy · 14/06/2019 19:25

How can a child come 150 miles? If her mum is drink driving you need to call Social Services. You're making excuses when you say that you just have to believe what your relative says when she tells you she doesn't drive drunk with the child in the car. You know fine well that's rubbish.

Original poster
Fibbke · 15/06/2019 09:28

Oh pipe down. SS has been involved in the past. Read the thread!

Also, she's 14 and has come to me on the train before (i bought her ticket) and can do again.

Anyone who can read this thread and actually type the words 'shame on you' is a disgusting human being.

OP posts:
Ithinkmycatisevil · 15/06/2019 09:52

No, it’s definitely too soon. They may never be able to have a drink again without it spiralling.

Youngandfree · 15/06/2019 10:11

@BarryTheKestrel I can tell you now that that person you speak off is not in true recovery. One drink breaks recovery. They are not being true to themselves or others and most probably (if you look close enough) displaying lots of addictive behaviors.they don’t have to be falling all over the place all the time to be an alcoholic. There’s a lot more to it, lies, deception, alienation, self seeking, etc etc

Patroclus · 15/06/2019 10:15

No

Patroclus · 15/06/2019 10:43

Maybe record her when drunk. I had a mate who thought they were boring sober, in reality I used to do everything I could to get them out of my house when they were drunk cos they bored me to tears- random falling to sleep, aggression, not knowing where they are.

Towelsareblue · 15/06/2019 11:01

Good luck OP you sound kind and concerned

December2019 · 15/06/2019 11:09

@Fibbke hey there my mum is a recovering alcoholic and as soon as she says ohh I'm going to have "1" glass of wine alarm bells go off... I know that 1 glass will lead to a full on relapse your amazing doing a fortnight sober though good on you!

Teaandchocolatecake · 15/06/2019 11:19

I haven’t rtft but alcoholics are usually looking at a lifetime of abstinence. Very very few can become social drinkers. The usual pattern is that they fall off the wagon with a couple of drinks and then within a very short space of time their drinking is back at their previous level.

After 3 days of withdrawal your relative would be feeling terrible and it is also very unwise to quit cold turkey. I would suspect they’re lying to you.

Addicts are masters of lying and manipulation. Their substance of choice comes before anyone and anything. You cannot help them until they decide they want help.

Please report the drink driving, someone could get killed.

Youngandfree · 15/06/2019 11:21

Addicts are masters of lying and manipulation. Their substance of choice comes before anyone and anything. You cannot help them until they decide they want help.

THIS!!! Ten times over!!!

Original poster
Fibbke · 15/06/2019 11:22

I have no evidence about the drunk driving. I did consider ringing the police to ask them to breathalyse her when she told me once she was drunk and in the asda car park. I don't know the registration of her car!

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 15/06/2019 12:51

Clearly I've touched a nerve there but I stand by my shame on you comments.

I was that child op and I wish the adults around me would have stopped burying their head in the sand over my alcoholic parent.

I hope you can live with your decision to stand back. You cannot change the alcoholic but you can choose to help her daughter in the best way you can.

Original poster
Fibbke · 15/06/2019 13:08

You cannot change the alcoholic but you can choose to help her daughter in the best way you can yes and i am doing that. Social services have been involved. I'm sorry for your own experiences and they are clearly clouding your own judgement but I'm not quite sure what else you expect from me.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 15/06/2019 13:13

You need to contact SS. I had to do this with my sister for a non-addiction reason as I had to go from taking a newborn with me on business trips as she wasn’t safe with her mum (thank god my company pays for nannies), to fielding panicked calls from a 4 yo and needing to drive to her in the middle of the night to pick her up. SS were really helpful and as I had a good relationship with DN she was put with me while my sister sorted herself out. They aren’t the villains they are reputed to be.

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