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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it ok to drink occasionally if you are an alcoholic

157 replies

Fibbke · 14/06/2019 09:53

And by alcoholic i mean drinking every day, needing alcohol first thing in the morning, drinking the equivalent of 3 bottles a day?

OP posts:
MyOpinionIsValid · 14/06/2019 11:37

@theemmadilemma

None whatsoever - no muzzy heads, loads more energy, lost a considerable amount of weight, started back at the gym. Healthier appetite. All good.

Itssosunny · 14/06/2019 11:39

Non-alcoholic beer or wine taste as good if you miss the flavour. Don't drink anything with alcohol otherwise you will never get out of it.

stucknoue · 14/06/2019 11:42

It depends on the individual, but if they can control their alcohol intake they would not be an alcoholic in the first place. Most alcoholics have to abstain because one leads to ten. In theory returning to sensible levels of alcohol consumption instead of abstinence is ok, but I've never met an alcoholic who could stick to 14 units a week

DoctorDread · 14/06/2019 11:45

@JustAnotherWoman - agreed but three litre bottles of 40% spirits per day is significantly more hardcore than three 750cl bottles of wine per day and may affect the treatment protocol. But yes, wine is no less of a threat and possibly seen as a 'softer option' than spirits which in some ways makes it all the more dangerous.

Justaboy · 14/06/2019 12:08

If you want to become an alcololic again then go right ahead get back on thet lovely booze!..

Do you really need to be told to stay off the pop!???

DontPressSendTooSoon · 14/06/2019 12:09

I'd say not. I have a lot of experience with addiction (not alcoholism) and once you awaken the sleeping tiger it really has a life of its own and its very hard to put it back in its cage.

its really hard to admit that you can't do it in moderation, everyone wants to be able to do moderation but the people who can do that are the ones that don't have to try IYKWIM.

Meccacos · 14/06/2019 12:10

My friend lied to me the other day and said she’d given up drinking. A mutual friend told me that was a lie. Alcoholics lie.

DoctorDread · 14/06/2019 12:14

@Justaboy rtft- op is not referring to herself

HollowTalk · 14/06/2019 13:09

Makes me laugh how many people don't RTFT but just come bustling in to tell the OP off based on the header alone.

BetsyBigNose · 14/06/2019 13:22

No, never.

Source: I am an alcoholic, with 7 years sobriety under my belt to date. A single sip of alcohol would likely send me back to the depths within days.

"One drink is too many and a thousand drinks are never enough."

essex42 · 14/06/2019 13:30

sorry, but no - never. I speak as the very proud wife of a an alcoholic 12 years in recovery. One day at a time. You can't do it alone. AA is the very best support.

hazell42 · 14/06/2019 13:33

My exh was an alcoholic and often went a fortnight without drinking.
But then he would the lay the groundwork to start again.
A social occasion would give him the perfect excuse.
Not all alcoholics drink every day. Some, like my exh binge drink and then keep going til th money runs out.
He was also fond of saying that he could 'control it now' and just drink socially.
He couldn't. Like all alcoholics he was a pathological liar and was particularly adept at lying to himself
He ended up being committed with alcohol induced paranoid delusions

Fibbke · 14/06/2019 13:38

Thank you all and particularly those who have shared their own experiences. I think the point made that if she could moderate her drinking she wouldn't be in this situation is a very good one.

For years the narrative has been that she's the one with the hard life and I am the lucky one who has everything easy. I've always felt guilty but I don't any more. Lots of things that didn't make sense now make sense since we've discovered the extent of her drinking. At least shes been partially honest about that.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 14/06/2019 13:43

For years the narrative has been that she's the one with the hard life and I am the lucky one who has everything easy.
That's what alcoholics do. They find a way they are the victim. Even if life is going well for them, they find someone better off and the decide they are a victim because they haven't got it as good.
Anyone who challenges their drinking couldn't possibly understand how hard life is for them. There's always something they can use to justify the drink, however small.

You've got to detach and accept you can't enable it even if they get moody and try to guilt-trip you.

Fibbke · 14/06/2019 13:49

That's what alcoholics do. They find a way they are the victim. Even if life is going well for them, they find someone better off and the decide they are a victim because they haven't got it as good

OMG! This is exactly what she's aleays done. She's alienated herself from close friends because shes decided they are too rich, or privileged, or anything that means they are making her feel bad about herself. Everything's about her. She even ranted about how boring and stressful it was to have to sit in silence during a gcse exam (she works in a school) without once asking how my dds actual gcses were going. When i said i know its stressful, dd is actually taking her exams, she put the phone down Confused

OP posts:
Rezie · 14/06/2019 13:52

After years of being sober it might be possible. After 2 weeks. No way. If it was possible only to have a glass of wine they wouldn't be in this position.

Madein1995 · 14/06/2019 13:53

The thing is that a drink problem isn't necessarily how often you drink but how you drink. I've had alcohol issues for years, since age 11. I drink now (am trying to recover from opiate addiction - painkillers) but I have to be careful. If I want a drink that's fine. If it's been a tough day and I feel like I need a drink then I have to give myself a stern talking to. Because drinking one or two for the taste is fine, for me. But drinking for the wrong reasons only leads to a dark place. And it's not easy doing it. I've bought bottles of vodka intending to neck them in the loos at the bus depot and thankfully managed to stop myself. But I haven't been drinking heavily for years now (substituted it for a 'better' drug, one without the hangover) and I get terrible hangovers and anxious and it's enough to help me keep a handle on it. For now.

I'm on a script for buprenorphine. I was using on top but have stopped that now so the last few days have been tricky. I know I can't just have one. They saying 'ones too many a thousand never enough' is very very relevant.

I'm setting time limits for 'get to 3pm and don't use til then. Decide at 3 what you do'. 'wait til after the na meeting tonight and see if you still want to use.' etc. Focusing on 'day 6 today' is good for some but not me. If I make a big song and dance about day 6 then I'm making it a bigger issue than it needs to be. I'm building it up to be really difficult (which it is) and almost giving myself permission to say I can't do it anymore.

I've been to loads of meetings recently. Most people in the rooms had a bit of clean Time, thought they were ok, used and ended up back on rock bottom. Many more than once. I've a friend there he's lovely. I'm shy and self conscious and he always smiles when he sees me and talks to me which is nice. I work in probation and he used to be on our books (before I joined).

He was clean for 4 years. 4 years. Then he decided to have some cannabis cos of some stress. Fast forward 5 months and he's in a hospital bed through pneumonia and infections, being guarded by two policemen because he breached his licence, being investigated for harassment and bullying, is dependent on heroin and crack again, is homeless, no job, broken. And yeah ok cannabis didn't do that to him. But it was the starting point.

To look at him now he's incredible. He's so kind and positive and amazing. He took all the courses probation offered him and engaged really well. He works on the road now. He does step work, service at meetings, has a sponsor. He volunteers at a homeless shelter and these days is around probation not for his own appointments but to mentor other service users.

Recovery does work. Using or drinking again doesn't. it's part of the cycle and comfortable stories that we tell ourselves. It's all lies.

Fibbke · 14/06/2019 13:54

I'm also a bit sick of hearing how 'boring' she'll be without drinking. She's a PITA when she's pissed and she's done some terrible things. There are lots of people who don't drink at all and I'm sure they arent all boring.

Sorry, im ranting a bit now Blush

OP posts:
Fibbke · 14/06/2019 13:59

Thank you for sharing 1995 I'm so glad to hear about your friend.

OP posts:
carla1983 · 14/06/2019 14:18

No

Newmumma83 · 14/06/2019 14:58

@LittleKitty1985 I suppose my addiction with cigarettes is what I consider the definition of addiction... when you can’t easily stop and you have to have them every day.

Some people define it differently I used to drink too much too .. as in a bottle a night ... but stopped due to cost .. and I was beginning to get to old for being out most nights ... it never hurt me to stop and I can also happily have one glass and not crave another ... I class that previous issue as a habit ... I wasn’t addicted but I was in a bad habit of drinking more than I should.

Your friend sounds like they had a bad habit rather than a full blown addiction based on how I see it.

Hopefully that clarified where I am coming from a little better x x

CmdrCressidaDuck · 14/06/2019 15:08

I'm also a bit sick of hearing how 'boring' she'll be without drinking. She's a PITA when she's pissed and she's done some terrible things. There are lots of people who don't drink at all and I'm sure they arent all boring.

Indeed. All of this "I HAVE to drink because my life is so hard, and anyway I'd be boring if I didn't drink" is self serving bollocks. A narrative to justify the booze that really has no relationship whatsoever to reality.

What would happen if you said to her, "Actually, you're boring as fuck when you're drunk, and a total PITA"? How would that feel?

You can't make her drink. You can't make her stop. You can't do anything, so you might as well speak your mind and protect your heart.

SrSteveOskowski · 14/06/2019 15:11

No. A friend of mine is an alcoholic. Has been in treatment centres twice and fools herself into believing that she's fine and not an alcoholic because she 'only' drinks beer now and not 'real' alcohol.
Real alcohol to her being spirits.

alltoomuchrightnow · 14/06/2019 15:14

Not possible, this is why my so called recovered alcoholic ex fiance is now dead

alltoomuchrightnow · 14/06/2019 15:15

And he thought the same as SrSteve's friend.. never touched spirits 'as that's for alcoholics'. Only drunk beer.

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